Can't believe my fever is back again.. knnbccb.. headache coming back.. and i lost my appetite even more... now i like 1 meal a day is enough for me.. power rite? Freaking cold in classroom and LTs.. feeling damn shit until i dun feel like doing anything at all.. in fact if u ask me what i was doing these few days.. i can't remember at all.. My body is like working without the mind..
Thurs suppose to have IS and due to the IS spamming of mails.. i didn't see the announcement at all. Felt damn sorry cos only like Clarine went for the lesson.. a bit like PS her.. so ya.. so sorry i really didn't know.. actually ever since school started, I'm like damn lost can? assignments not done.. got lessons dunno.. damn farking sian la...
Today finally gotta meet with teach to consult on the Bioinfo project.. like more clear of what to do.. so felt much more relieved.. ended sch early and went to buy a converse sweater.. all thanks to someone who tempted me to do so.. on the way, suddenly remembered something and talk to Anil about it.. actually it was more of a warning.. some things just cannot be told.. especially to the wrong type of people.. especially those type i hate most.. communication only limits to work.. nothing more..
Just in case there is any misunderstanding.. i'm not referring anything about the vid today... I'm perfectly fine with it..
My barriers are up.. its difficult but it has started.. whatever is going to happen is no longer my concern.. at least that's what I'm hoping for.. really hard.. think it was deeper then i thought.. but I'm trying to get out.. not just i want a breather.. but also cos I dun think I'm of any needs.. giving up ain't i? whatever you all may think... but i think I've done enough.. maybe even too much.. If there is any changes felt.. please forgive me.. but i know that deep in my heart i will still care.. self confinement..
Maybe.. one day I will tell the truth out..
One piece of advise.. don't ask for more.. for your greed is endless.. don't take things for granted.. for they are not endless...
I'm going to start mugging for the end of semester exam whenever i got the free time.. too much time spent on other things and people.. working hard for a aim at least can get rid of all emotions and unnecessary thoughts.. i believe i have grown more over this 1 year plus right after ORD.. learn a lot about myself and others.. but there is definitely more to learn..
A laughter on the outside may not be a laughter on the inside.. am i still laughing?
Friday, June 27, 2008
Deep inside..
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
MEDIC~! MAN DOWN~!
Ya.. i'm the one down.. not feelin so gd.. physically i mean.. haha.. gd thing i took precaution when i felt things wasn't right.. started chionging water and had cold showers to cool body temp.. ate panadols to relieve the pain and fever.. yea.. keeping myself in relax mode.. i'm winning this battle man~ SHORT and sweet battle.. will recover in a day or 2..
Unlike me.. some people just don't learn.. no medicine nvm.. still stay outside when they have the time to go back home to rest.. yaya.. don't worry.. don't worry my foot! sick for so long still like that.. are u telling me getting better? no~! obviously its not!
Pissed because some people just take "care and concern" for granted.. pissed because this headache is still around.. BUT i'm not going to be bothered with all those shit.. going to keep my head cool.. and let my body recover as fast as possible.. and get rid of all those sick feelings.. and back to kick more ass.. lol..
Today totally like nv listen in the 2 hour of lectures.. btw.. forday was sick and didn't come to sch so his lecture was cancelled.. good thing we arrived in school late.. haha.. after the lesson at 1st decided to go holland V starbucks but there was some last min changes.. so ended we go home.. i went to walk around while anil head home liao.. that was when i realised my condition moved on to another stage.. saw something along the way and without any hesitation i bought it and went home.. now much much better.. although its still within the fever range.. but yeah~ like i said b4.. I'm winning...
No~ I'm will not lose to the this farking fever~!!
Maybe its time.. its becoming hard and difficult.. like as though the air become soo thin to breathe.. suffocating..
Unlike me.. some people just don't learn.. no medicine nvm.. still stay outside when they have the time to go back home to rest.. yaya.. don't worry.. don't worry my foot! sick for so long still like that.. are u telling me getting better? no~! obviously its not!
Pissed because some people just take "care and concern" for granted.. pissed because this headache is still around.. BUT i'm not going to be bothered with all those shit.. going to keep my head cool.. and let my body recover as fast as possible.. and get rid of all those sick feelings.. and back to kick more ass.. lol..
Today totally like nv listen in the 2 hour of lectures.. btw.. forday was sick and didn't come to sch so his lecture was cancelled.. good thing we arrived in school late.. haha.. after the lesson at 1st decided to go holland V starbucks but there was some last min changes.. so ended we go home.. i went to walk around while anil head home liao.. that was when i realised my condition moved on to another stage.. saw something along the way and without any hesitation i bought it and went home.. now much much better.. although its still within the fever range.. but yeah~ like i said b4.. I'm winning...
No~ I'm will not lose to the this farking fever~!!
Maybe its time.. its becoming hard and difficult.. like as though the air become soo thin to breathe.. suffocating..
Monday, June 23, 2008
some moments...
woohoo..3 days nv blog.. haha.. what was i doing these 3 days ar?? okok.. fri i went over to granny's place to bake a so called choco pudding for xiu .. since she didn't had a bday cake.. so i felt like was incomplete.. yaya... its not exactly a cake but heck la.. haha.. as usual i camp somewhere near xiu's tuition place and yea! i shocked her this time.. haha.. ok the pudding was damn sweet and it tasted more like cake.. quite a failure i must say.. haiz..
Sat morning went to school with xiu cos she got badminton thingy.. sat outside and watched xing guang bang.. den she ended early i we went to CWP to meet jn and ate lunch.. we went home n decided to meet later in the night.. i almost going to sleep la.. den ended up i kept xiu's nephew entertained via msn web cam..hahaha.. damn cute la they all... and i think i taught one of them a cheeky thing to do.. hahaha.. yea.. met in the night and dunno y xiu emo again..
Sun spent the whole day help daphne's dad with his work.. damn tiring la.. i climb up and down dunno how many times.. and the jumpin from the tableSssssss numbed my feets.. after tt went back home to rest.. was waiting for someone's sms the whole night.. until my eye lids failed me...
Now super free la... sian diao.. haha.. tts y blogging now.. xiu today emo again.. den dun wan say anything also.. quite helpless here too.. like there's nothing i can do.. damn sian can? Past few days still not so bad.. den suddenly like this.. actually i can guess a little la..
Trying to help.. but i know the truth is.. i'm quite useless in this case.. haiz.. getting tired of waiting .. getting tired of not able to do anything.. getting sick of useless me.. wish i can go back to being a child.. when everything.. everyone.. is like a piece of pure white paper..
Sat morning went to school with xiu cos she got badminton thingy.. sat outside and watched xing guang bang.. den she ended early i we went to CWP to meet jn and ate lunch.. we went home n decided to meet later in the night.. i almost going to sleep la.. den ended up i kept xiu's nephew entertained via msn web cam..hahaha.. damn cute la they all... and i think i taught one of them a cheeky thing to do.. hahaha.. yea.. met in the night and dunno y xiu emo again..
Sun spent the whole day help daphne's dad with his work.. damn tiring la.. i climb up and down dunno how many times.. and the jumpin from the tableSssssss numbed my feets.. after tt went back home to rest.. was waiting for someone's sms the whole night.. until my eye lids failed me...
Now super free la... sian diao.. haha.. tts y blogging now.. xiu today emo again.. den dun wan say anything also.. quite helpless here too.. like there's nothing i can do.. damn sian can? Past few days still not so bad.. den suddenly like this.. actually i can guess a little la..
Trying to help.. but i know the truth is.. i'm quite useless in this case.. haiz.. getting tired of waiting .. getting tired of not able to do anything.. getting sick of useless me.. wish i can go back to being a child.. when everything.. everyone.. is like a piece of pure white paper..
Friday, June 20, 2008
Standing...
Today went out to sentosa with classmate to enjoy the xiu's bday.. played volleyball.. kayak and enjoyed sakae sushi.. eugene and val went back 1st.. the rest of us took our time eating.. we spend a little time at a shop in vivo before we part with xiu and ed.. i bought a sort of mini room/house thing which is freaking hard to do because the glue is not holding the pieces together..
Some people often ask why do i like to always do handcrafts.. and always give them away... well it's rather simple.. when i'm focusing on completing the thing.. i can completely forget everything.. happy or sad.. but ya.. it's mainly to make me forget all the sad things and stress.. i find peace in doing things..
The reason why i give away is because i don't know how to express my feelings well to other people.. so i give out the things i completed to others.. i hope others can feel the effort and the feeling that i treasure them..
While i doing the minitures.. i suddenly remembered the time when someone threw away the present i made which took me one month.. right on the 2nd day after his bday because he accidentally spoiled it.. when i came to know it.. i got damn depressed.. but as usual i didn't show it out.. laugh and played as usual while we were out.. but it felt as though a knife stab right through..
So slowly.. i began to recall all the things i've done.. began to think if there someone who still hold on to them dearly as if it was the 1st time they received it?
Where do i stand in people's heart?
I hate the clock ticking in my house.. i hate the quiet night when i can clearly hear the ticking.. some how.. the mood wasn't right.. end up i would always play music to cover up.. music calms me too.. i think there are still a lot of uncertainty and insercurity within me..
No pain no gain.. gotta push myself more.. gotta be stronger.. i have chosen my path.. my way.. it will be the right one.. i will make it the right one..
Some people often ask why do i like to always do handcrafts.. and always give them away... well it's rather simple.. when i'm focusing on completing the thing.. i can completely forget everything.. happy or sad.. but ya.. it's mainly to make me forget all the sad things and stress.. i find peace in doing things..
The reason why i give away is because i don't know how to express my feelings well to other people.. so i give out the things i completed to others.. i hope others can feel the effort and the feeling that i treasure them..
While i doing the minitures.. i suddenly remembered the time when someone threw away the present i made which took me one month.. right on the 2nd day after his bday because he accidentally spoiled it.. when i came to know it.. i got damn depressed.. but as usual i didn't show it out.. laugh and played as usual while we were out.. but it felt as though a knife stab right through..
So slowly.. i began to recall all the things i've done.. began to think if there someone who still hold on to them dearly as if it was the 1st time they received it?
Where do i stand in people's heart?
I hate the clock ticking in my house.. i hate the quiet night when i can clearly hear the ticking.. some how.. the mood wasn't right.. end up i would always play music to cover up.. music calms me too.. i think there are still a lot of uncertainty and insercurity within me..
No pain no gain.. gotta push myself more.. gotta be stronger.. i have chosen my path.. my way.. it will be the right one.. i will make it the right one..
Thursday, June 19, 2008
mission complete..
Finally.. all done.. although the way that the present handed over was weird.. haha.. but who cares~!! More imptly she received it.. hope that she'll really like that present.. well.. i just thought that a better present would be memories.. something that can last until the very last day of our lives.. so came up with the plan to vid people related to xiu in some ways or another...
The process wasn't easy.. time was the 1st problem.. i was left not much time so i had to act quickly.. den the 2nd main problem was contacting people.. i had alot of problem on that.. especially arrange time and place.. 3rd was the photos.. i was digging here and there.. everywhere!! hahaha.. Lastly was the editing.. it done over and over again.. i listen to the thing countless of time..
I'm really glad that many people helped out by forking out the time to meet me.. i know many are quite busy so thanks alot people! really! But as i was glad.. i was feeling rather disappointed and sad.. there were just simply some people i cannot contact with.. at those moments.. i began to doubt whether all of this will work.. there was alot of uncertainty in the process.. but i told myself.. this is going to be the best.. i'm going to do it.. and i will complete it..
Today went with xiu and her gang for hiking trail... hahaha.. really enjoyed myself.. had lots of laughter and done alot of 2pid things.. haha.. wasted it rained.. but i was sure everyone still enjoyed alot..
Actually throughout the journey i was still worried.. dunno whether the present will work out anot.. is it good enuff? these thoughts just keep running through... at the moment she recieved.. i felt the relieved.. and all the sudden the shagness just gush in.. BUT... its worth it!
THANKS PEOPLE! I CAN NEVER COMPLETE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS & GALS!
HAPPY 18TH EGGDAY XIU! =)
The process wasn't easy.. time was the 1st problem.. i was left not much time so i had to act quickly.. den the 2nd main problem was contacting people.. i had alot of problem on that.. especially arrange time and place.. 3rd was the photos.. i was digging here and there.. everywhere!! hahaha.. Lastly was the editing.. it done over and over again.. i listen to the thing countless of time..
I'm really glad that many people helped out by forking out the time to meet me.. i know many are quite busy so thanks alot people! really! But as i was glad.. i was feeling rather disappointed and sad.. there were just simply some people i cannot contact with.. at those moments.. i began to doubt whether all of this will work.. there was alot of uncertainty in the process.. but i told myself.. this is going to be the best.. i'm going to do it.. and i will complete it..
Today went with xiu and her gang for hiking trail... hahaha.. really enjoyed myself.. had lots of laughter and done alot of 2pid things.. haha.. wasted it rained.. but i was sure everyone still enjoyed alot..
Actually throughout the journey i was still worried.. dunno whether the present will work out anot.. is it good enuff? these thoughts just keep running through... at the moment she recieved.. i felt the relieved.. and all the sudden the shagness just gush in.. BUT... its worth it!
THANKS PEOPLE! I CAN NEVER COMPLETE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS & GALS!
HAPPY 18TH EGGDAY XIU! =)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
learn.. accept.. move on..
Had a "great" plan in mind which is tiring me out.. but am i giving up?? NO! F off.. no way i'm giving up..
Sometime its all about the mind.. if you believe you will do it.. and you will eventually make it.. alot of people like to feel..
oh man.. i'm gone..
wah liao.. sian diao la.. not goin to do well liao...
gone case.. i cmi la...
FARK! Why waste time having this kind of thoughts!? No one.. i mean NO ONE has perfect life.. every now and then we face challenges that are of different degrees.. hey... if you feel stress and low self esteem.. come on la.. there are MUCH MORE people facing even BIGGER problems everyday..
Time is not going to stop nor wait.. its not going to say.. hey its ok.. just take it slow.. certain things has happened means it is the past.. you can continue to waste MORE TIME thinking about it.. or MOVE ON! If people dun start to learn to become stronger then before.. they are not just the ones tiring out.. remember.. there are those who care and love around you.. they are also sharing your burden.. so please spare some thoughts for them.. I'm not saying that if anyone has a problem.. keep it to yourself.. but rather.. do something about it.. learn.. accept.. move on..
Seriously.. who doesn't have to face major down time.. who doesn't have to go through that part of life... ya.. you can choose to give up and stay put.. but there are those willing to help you unconditionally..
It hurts a lot.. not just because the very love ones giving up.. but when your love ones doesn't trust your helping hand.. the very fact that you cannot do anything to help.. hurts a lot.. you are not alone.. in life.. no one has to fight a battle alone.. if it ever happens.. its not because of others.. its you.. you chose for it to happen..
Just freaking throw your "luggage" away and you will be free.. don't say its hard when you haven even try.. keep trying.. until the day you die.. that's life.. if you try.. you still may have that 1% chance.. but if you never do... its confirm a 0%.. as long you don't give up.. that 1% will continue to exist.. if anything is possible.. you make it happen..
Why i talk about all of these? Cause i've been seeing too many people grieving over their failure.. while i saw one guy.. just that one guy.. continue to fight hard even after losing 2 most impt people in his life.. what makes a different between him and the rest? he still cries.. he bleeds.. he is a human.. not like he has special powers or talent.. but yet.. he has that strength to move on.. cause he accepts what has happen and work towards the future..
Future will bring me hope..
His favourite line and only source of motivation.. i respect you! People.. fight! The battle is only over when you say its over..
Sometime its all about the mind.. if you believe you will do it.. and you will eventually make it.. alot of people like to feel..
oh man.. i'm gone..
wah liao.. sian diao la.. not goin to do well liao...
gone case.. i cmi la...
FARK! Why waste time having this kind of thoughts!? No one.. i mean NO ONE has perfect life.. every now and then we face challenges that are of different degrees.. hey... if you feel stress and low self esteem.. come on la.. there are MUCH MORE people facing even BIGGER problems everyday..
Time is not going to stop nor wait.. its not going to say.. hey its ok.. just take it slow.. certain things has happened means it is the past.. you can continue to waste MORE TIME thinking about it.. or MOVE ON! If people dun start to learn to become stronger then before.. they are not just the ones tiring out.. remember.. there are those who care and love around you.. they are also sharing your burden.. so please spare some thoughts for them.. I'm not saying that if anyone has a problem.. keep it to yourself.. but rather.. do something about it.. learn.. accept.. move on..
Seriously.. who doesn't have to face major down time.. who doesn't have to go through that part of life... ya.. you can choose to give up and stay put.. but there are those willing to help you unconditionally..
It hurts a lot.. not just because the very love ones giving up.. but when your love ones doesn't trust your helping hand.. the very fact that you cannot do anything to help.. hurts a lot.. you are not alone.. in life.. no one has to fight a battle alone.. if it ever happens.. its not because of others.. its you.. you chose for it to happen..
Just freaking throw your "luggage" away and you will be free.. don't say its hard when you haven even try.. keep trying.. until the day you die.. that's life.. if you try.. you still may have that 1% chance.. but if you never do... its confirm a 0%.. as long you don't give up.. that 1% will continue to exist.. if anything is possible.. you make it happen..
Why i talk about all of these? Cause i've been seeing too many people grieving over their failure.. while i saw one guy.. just that one guy.. continue to fight hard even after losing 2 most impt people in his life.. what makes a different between him and the rest? he still cries.. he bleeds.. he is a human.. not like he has special powers or talent.. but yet.. he has that strength to move on.. cause he accepts what has happen and work towards the future..
Future will bring me hope..
His favourite line and only source of motivation.. i respect you! People.. fight! The battle is only over when you say its over..
Saturday, June 14, 2008
GUA GUA GUa Gua gua.. no more batt..
Ytd was just too tiring for me to blog.. although i was online la.. but just plain lazy to blog.. haha.. meet ed earlier to get the shuttle cock and we started much earlier like 45 min more of playing? The rest were all late lor.. den KX and xiu came.. not long after.. clarine and cherie came... haha its lke their 2nd time playing only.. but not bad la.. learn quite fast... too bad they had to go off early.. Anywayz.. after 4 hours plus of badminton we went to play bball at the double court.. i'm like damn shag la.. but tts not the reason why not strength.. more like nv eat.. DEN I REMEMBERED.. 4gt to eat the food xiu bought.. anywayz.. played while den send xiu home.. tok cok on msn and knock out at 11 plus.. way too tired..
This morning i woke up feeling the ache man.. haha.. came back with my auntie and ah ma.. gotta bai my ah gong... den i started watching a jap drama.. Proposal Daisakusen... after that i went to knock out.. just woke up and decided to blog 1st.. since i dunno what time i will come back from weili's dad wake..
Synopsis
Iwase Ken and Yoshida Rei have been friends since elementary school. Ken, is obstinate and unskilled in love, but he fell long ago for the lively and cheerful, Rei. But Rei is about to get married to another man. While Ken and other friends from high-school attend the wedding ceremony, a fairy appears and sends Ken back in time, giving him a second chance to win the girl he loves.
For 14 years.. he nv confessesd his feelings.. after going back many times make things right.. at the last moment.. he finally made his confession on her wedding speech..
Very nice touching drama.. not very heavy in mood.. and i quite like one part where the fairy said something..
Ask.. And it will be given..
Seek.. And you shall find..
Knock.. And it will open to you..
In life.. instead of grieving over what has happen.. why not change to move on.. as long as we try.. even if it fails.. it doesn't matter anymore.. it is the success.. the failure that make life more interesting... but more importantly.. is we tried.. tried to make things happen..
This morning i woke up feeling the ache man.. haha.. came back with my auntie and ah ma.. gotta bai my ah gong... den i started watching a jap drama.. Proposal Daisakusen... after that i went to knock out.. just woke up and decided to blog 1st.. since i dunno what time i will come back from weili's dad wake..
Synopsis
Iwase Ken and Yoshida Rei have been friends since elementary school. Ken, is obstinate and unskilled in love, but he fell long ago for the lively and cheerful, Rei. But Rei is about to get married to another man. While Ken and other friends from high-school attend the wedding ceremony, a fairy appears and sends Ken back in time, giving him a second chance to win the girl he loves.
For 14 years.. he nv confessesd his feelings.. after going back many times make things right.. at the last moment.. he finally made his confession on her wedding speech..
Very nice touching drama.. not very heavy in mood.. and i quite like one part where the fairy said something..
Ask.. And it will be given..
Seek.. And you shall find..
Knock.. And it will open to you..
In life.. instead of grieving over what has happen.. why not change to move on.. as long as we try.. even if it fails.. it doesn't matter anymore.. it is the success.. the failure that make life more interesting... but more importantly.. is we tried.. tried to make things happen..
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Over 3.5 days..
Finally thurs night... more den 3.5 days passed... went to K in the morning with clarine and cherie... wah seh.. they can sing man.. and the mood quite high la.. like early in the morning only lor.. hahaha.. sounds damn like my sec friends la.. all crazy people.. wasted i had to leave early cause of the interpoly forum..
Got back to sch to and got the NP staff Polo T.. freaking hot can? its not dry fit material.. and its black.. although it looks nice.. but hot la.. its like water proof la.. dunno its fire proof anot.. haha.. anyway.. 1st time wearing it.. got this weird glue smell.. wah siannnnnnnnnnn diao la.. haha.. as we approach our buses.. we looked like some kids on some field trip.. hahaha.. damn weird.. Went to NYP's sport hall and OMG~ its damn nice and big! its like got 3 basket ball court size! with air con somemore.. very nice la.. when the whole thin started.. woot.. the atmosphere damn high... it was damn fun.. hahaha.. den we split into our sub theme groups.. and played games.. for the 1st time.. i felt like throwing the shirt away.. haha.. wah liao.. the group of NP students leading the ice breaking games damn lame.. the games were worse..
Finally we divided into our own sub sub theme groups.. yes.. its sub sub... haha.. sort of like further divided into smaller groups.. so we ended up having 300 students into 12 groups with different topics to do on.. anyway.. the thin ended quite late haha..
Went one round of the mrt then i camp at the void deck of xiu's tuition block.. wanted to surprise her.. fark.. she stopped to untangle her ear piece.. crap la.. then she noticed me.. sian diao.. haven had dinner.. so went over to her house there makan.. sun bian send her home...
Happy la.. someone sms'ed.. hahaha.. 3 more days left... damn fast liao..
Got back to sch to and got the NP staff Polo T.. freaking hot can? its not dry fit material.. and its black.. although it looks nice.. but hot la.. its like water proof la.. dunno its fire proof anot.. haha.. anyway.. 1st time wearing it.. got this weird glue smell.. wah siannnnnnnnnnn diao la.. haha.. as we approach our buses.. we looked like some kids on some field trip.. hahaha.. damn weird.. Went to NYP's sport hall and OMG~ its damn nice and big! its like got 3 basket ball court size! with air con somemore.. very nice la.. when the whole thin started.. woot.. the atmosphere damn high... it was damn fun.. hahaha.. den we split into our sub theme groups.. and played games.. for the 1st time.. i felt like throwing the shirt away.. haha.. wah liao.. the group of NP students leading the ice breaking games damn lame.. the games were worse..
Finally we divided into our own sub sub theme groups.. yes.. its sub sub... haha.. sort of like further divided into smaller groups.. so we ended up having 300 students into 12 groups with different topics to do on.. anyway.. the thin ended quite late haha..
Went one round of the mrt then i camp at the void deck of xiu's tuition block.. wanted to surprise her.. fark.. she stopped to untangle her ear piece.. crap la.. then she noticed me.. sian diao.. haven had dinner.. so went over to her house there makan.. sun bian send her home...
Happy la.. someone sms'ed.. hahaha.. 3 more days left... damn fast liao..
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Gua Gua Gua~
God damn i miss the duck.. not the cute mushroom duck but the laughing one.. okok..
Qn) Why did the duck wear jacket?
Ans: Cause the duck goes.. gua gua gua (cold cold cold in hokkien)
Muahahahhahahaa!! cold enough?!! muahaha.. if still dun understand go ask xiu.. she will show why.. wahahahaha....
Met xiu in the afternoon to do project den we started planning for next week.. woot.. still gotta plan some in btws.. muahahahaha.. thinking of 2pid thing again... muahahhaha... oh and i saw ed design.. woot.. nicely done man.. very nice.. quite impressed........... BUT U SHLD HVE DONE UR PROJECT 1ST! faster go check ur deadline la...
Anywayz.. since we got some time to waste after working.. we went to book KTV room.. dunno why have to seperate.. quite waste money sia.. party world is like paid by room size one lor.. so the more people the cheaper.. sian diao... not my decision either.. after that we went to sport hall to book court and we slacked there while xiu type nicely for her 18th plan.. was about to go play some ball.. then 1/2 way.. the 2pid mushroom duck got stomach ache.. lol.. shld hve seen her face in the cab.. damn funnie la.. her posture.. her actions.. LOL.. can tell she really on the verge liao.. haha.. somemore reach home can sms me " Omg. This is heaven............ Uh... :)" Pengz ar..
Went granny place to put my barang barang.. then met the xiu at CWP to have dinner with yi mian.. yes.. 1 noodle.. NO LA~ its a guy's name.. talk cok awhile then we left.. Grab ice cream and slack until xiu's house.. and she irritated me man.. arg~ TML is more den 1/2 the week! k*^^%##@$&$%$%
HOooOoOoOo HoooOOOOo.. need to cool down.. anywayz.. tml got the inter poly forum.. the start of the commitment.. hope i can pull through this.. 3rd day almost down.. 4 more to go..
Oh ya.. morning received weili's sms.. his dad just passed away.. i was like shocked.. at 6 am in the morning.. immediately called him to check out.. his voice abit trembling.. not sure is the shagness or the sadness.. so i didn't bother to ask more.. smsed the guys but like only few returned my sms.. wtf man.. so this evening i called one by one to confirm.. ended up.. out of the list.. only abt 5 confirm coming.. someone can even say go out.. go with who? friends.. go where? i dunno.. WTH~ like whats more impt lor.. haiz..
Heck la.. i'm just going to do my part as a friend as thats it.. weili.. be strong ar.. i know you can...
Qn) Why did the duck wear jacket?
Ans: Cause the duck goes.. gua gua gua (cold cold cold in hokkien)
Muahahahhahahaa!! cold enough?!! muahaha.. if still dun understand go ask xiu.. she will show why.. wahahahaha....
Met xiu in the afternoon to do project den we started planning for next week.. woot.. still gotta plan some in btws.. muahahahaha.. thinking of 2pid thing again... muahahhaha... oh and i saw ed design.. woot.. nicely done man.. very nice.. quite impressed........... BUT U SHLD HVE DONE UR PROJECT 1ST! faster go check ur deadline la...
Anywayz.. since we got some time to waste after working.. we went to book KTV room.. dunno why have to seperate.. quite waste money sia.. party world is like paid by room size one lor.. so the more people the cheaper.. sian diao... not my decision either.. after that we went to sport hall to book court and we slacked there while xiu type nicely for her 18th plan.. was about to go play some ball.. then 1/2 way.. the 2pid mushroom duck got stomach ache.. lol.. shld hve seen her face in the cab.. damn funnie la.. her posture.. her actions.. LOL.. can tell she really on the verge liao.. haha.. somemore reach home can sms me " Omg. This is heaven............ Uh... :)" Pengz ar..
Went granny place to put my barang barang.. then met the xiu at CWP to have dinner with yi mian.. yes.. 1 noodle.. NO LA~ its a guy's name.. talk cok awhile then we left.. Grab ice cream and slack until xiu's house.. and she irritated me man.. arg~ TML is more den 1/2 the week! k*^^%##@$&$%$%
HOooOoOoOo HoooOOOOo.. need to cool down.. anywayz.. tml got the inter poly forum.. the start of the commitment.. hope i can pull through this.. 3rd day almost down.. 4 more to go..
Oh ya.. morning received weili's sms.. his dad just passed away.. i was like shocked.. at 6 am in the morning.. immediately called him to check out.. his voice abit trembling.. not sure is the shagness or the sadness.. so i didn't bother to ask more.. smsed the guys but like only few returned my sms.. wtf man.. so this evening i called one by one to confirm.. ended up.. out of the list.. only abt 5 confirm coming.. someone can even say go out.. go with who? friends.. go where? i dunno.. WTH~ like whats more impt lor.. haiz..
Heck la.. i'm just going to do my part as a friend as thats it.. weili.. be strong ar.. i know you can...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Entertaining duck..
Yea.. said i would start the new day nice.. hahaha.. but i 4gt to mention the 1st entertaining news.. i fell from my bed when i was trying to get up.. den i almost fell into the toilet bowl twice in the day.. woot... am i lucky or what.. lol.. went for the briefing for the inter poly forum and omg.. it seriously need a lot of commitment.. still thinking should i continue with it? but it sounds fun also leh.. hahaha.. think i just carry on la hor..
After sch went to Toy R Us to buy the mac set.. for presentation.. haha going to make it a special one.. then as i walk pass the soft toy section.. I SAW IT.. the laughing duck.. hahaha.. instantly i pick up and start playing.. damn funnie.. loved the laughter.. so i started searching for a newer one.. then i realise quite a bit of people staring at me.. haha.. i finally saw one right at the back.. behind a so called partition.. so i started digging it out.. woot.. more people stared.. they must be thinking what this retard doing.. especially since i got a Mac set toy beside me.. took the soft toy and chiong to the counter.. the lady at the counter like stared at me for a sec also.. crap man.. big guy cannot buy toy meh~ i want some childhood cannot ar.. lol.. someone still say i childish.. but ok la.. once a while childish is worth it.. haha..
Brought home my toys and i damn loved pressing the duck to hear the laughter.. =P i got punked by my house clock.. its like 20 min slower and my dad didn't tell me lor.. ended up i was late meeting the guys at sembawang... decided to go CWP roam around.. ok la.. not exactly roam but to give the duck to the duck? =P met xiu bought big mocha.. went to 515 to meet KX they all.. heard they damn shock to see xiu's new hair.. hahaha.. gd thing i not 1st time see my girl friends in that kind of hair.. if not i think i heart attack also liao..
Hope the laughing duck can last you for the week.. cute mushroom duck.. haha.. 2nd day passing.. 5 more days to go.. =)
After sch went to Toy R Us to buy the mac set.. for presentation.. haha going to make it a special one.. then as i walk pass the soft toy section.. I SAW IT.. the laughing duck.. hahaha.. instantly i pick up and start playing.. damn funnie.. loved the laughter.. so i started searching for a newer one.. then i realise quite a bit of people staring at me.. haha.. i finally saw one right at the back.. behind a so called partition.. so i started digging it out.. woot.. more people stared.. they must be thinking what this retard doing.. especially since i got a Mac set toy beside me.. took the soft toy and chiong to the counter.. the lady at the counter like stared at me for a sec also.. crap man.. big guy cannot buy toy meh~ i want some childhood cannot ar.. lol.. someone still say i childish.. but ok la.. once a while childish is worth it.. haha..
Brought home my toys and i damn loved pressing the duck to hear the laughter.. =P i got punked by my house clock.. its like 20 min slower and my dad didn't tell me lor.. ended up i was late meeting the guys at sembawang... decided to go CWP roam around.. ok la.. not exactly roam but to give the duck to the duck? =P met xiu bought big mocha.. went to 515 to meet KX they all.. heard they damn shock to see xiu's new hair.. hahaha.. gd thing i not 1st time see my girl friends in that kind of hair.. if not i think i heart attack also liao..
Hope the laughing duck can last you for the week.. cute mushroom duck.. haha.. 2nd day passing.. 5 more days to go.. =)
OK! From today on.. going to start everything all over one more time.. no more complains.. no more whining.. haha.. a bit sudden.. but i want to get back to my usual self.. yea.. started out the day by doing something 2pid.. was on the impulse.. haha.. must be damn scary for that person..
Went to run and had a cold shower.. felt damn refresh.. like anything is possible.. hehehehe.. my next victim has been located.. hahaha.. beware... i can go nuts any moment and do 2pid things.. hahaha.. now watching some old cock hong kong vampire show.. haha.. also watching smiling pasta.. =P later have to prepare to go school for some briefing for inter poly forum.. a bit kan jiong ar.. cause dunno what it is about.. also dunno what we going to do.. think the thurs one even more kan jiong.. going to meet people from other schools.. haha..
Thought clarine didn't like friendster.. shock to see an email from friendster saying clarine adding me.. i was like.. eh? even went to c the profile the double check.. haha... too bad.. i hardly use friendster anymore.. =P
Smile people.. the nutcase on the move again... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Went to run and had a cold shower.. felt damn refresh.. like anything is possible.. hehehehe.. my next victim has been located.. hahaha.. beware... i can go nuts any moment and do 2pid things.. hahaha.. now watching some old cock hong kong vampire show.. haha.. also watching smiling pasta.. =P later have to prepare to go school for some briefing for inter poly forum.. a bit kan jiong ar.. cause dunno what it is about.. also dunno what we going to do.. think the thurs one even more kan jiong.. going to meet people from other schools.. haha..
Thought clarine didn't like friendster.. shock to see an email from friendster saying clarine adding me.. i was like.. eh? even went to c the profile the double check.. haha... too bad.. i hardly use friendster anymore.. =P
Smile people.. the nutcase on the move again... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ok.. 5am in the morning... just woke up from a not so nice sleep... cannot get back to sleep.. lay on the bed and tried getting some.. but simply couldn't.. mind when blank out for the moment and started to refresh with things that happened these few weeks...
Realised that I've been really insensitive.. done a lot of things that shouldn't be done.. or at the wrong timing.. so many things to correct.. so many things to find back.. i dunno what the hell I'm doing.. i think so much about my probs and neglected those around me.. i dunno what else to say..
The thought of ytd was the worse.. suppose to entertain xiu to let her feel time will pass by quickly.. ended up she tried to entertain me.. "ha".. what else can i say.. I'm the worse.. even till the last sec of the day.. nothing good came out.. NOTHING.. I'm the worse piece of *toot*.. seriously.. i suck..
Chest pain again.. but nothing beats the pain from "inside"
Right now.. just stoning.. stared at the screen for like 10 min and i don't know what else i can comment.. maybe.. don't try to know me.. i don't worth all those time? I'm a goner..
Almost 6am.. going to go back try to sleep..
Realised that I've been really insensitive.. done a lot of things that shouldn't be done.. or at the wrong timing.. so many things to correct.. so many things to find back.. i dunno what the hell I'm doing.. i think so much about my probs and neglected those around me.. i dunno what else to say..
The thought of ytd was the worse.. suppose to entertain xiu to let her feel time will pass by quickly.. ended up she tried to entertain me.. "ha".. what else can i say.. I'm the worse.. even till the last sec of the day.. nothing good came out.. NOTHING.. I'm the worse piece of *toot*.. seriously.. i suck..
Chest pain again.. but nothing beats the pain from "inside"
Right now.. just stoning.. stared at the screen for like 10 min and i don't know what else i can comment.. maybe.. don't try to know me.. i don't worth all those time? I'm a goner..
Almost 6am.. going to go back try to sleep..
Monday, June 09, 2008
Wind...
Ytd had the most BLANK day.. did nothing except bball.. bball from 9am in the morning all the way to 8pm... it was good in the way... my mind was blank.. didn't had to think of anything.. anyone.. went too far to the extend that my wrist almost injured.. think I'm no longer as good as b4 when regardless of the amount of training.. nothing will bring me down.. didn't wanted to watch movie or go for any dinner.. but i decided to do so.. since it was the last night jn in SG until one week later... on msn.. she told me to do some things.. which i think I'm no longer needed to fulfil.. not that i don't want to do.. just that.. i don't think i'm needed.. which i think is true..
Went on with the 1st plan of the week.. get some new clothing.. met anil in the middle of shopping.. den when changi airport for a hair cut... went to tampines shopping centre to walk around and waste time.. finally home..
2 probs.. twice the blow...
(1) Fark you bastard.. don't ever call me anymore.. you betrayed me.. my trust.. i believe soooo much in you.. but you lied.. again and again.. even when the rest said no.. it can't be.. i still believed.. I'm a complete idiot.. but guess I'm not too late to come back to reality..
(2) I believe i finally know what the weird feelings were.. it was what i feared most.. and what i couldn't believe most.. I'm lost.. not knowing what to do since i knew the truth.. the feelings are suffocating me.. but even if i make the attempt.. nothing good will come out.. especially its no longer possible.. in fact.. i think nothing could have started.. i really dunno i can hang on a not.. but i made my promise since that day.. i will do what i can.. don't ask me when it started.. it could be very very very long ago.. but the feelings just grew that strong now..
This reminds me of what someone used to be dear to me said...
“你像一阵风。明明感觉得到你却抓不住你。有时候根本猜不透你在想些什么。”
She said something else too.. which is a bit hard to say out.. but i finally know what she meant..
“我像一阵风。一个明明人们能感觉得到却看也看不到，摸也摸不到的风。人们的眼里是看不到风的。风会悄悄地来悄悄地去。没有人会知道他的存在。”
In a way.. she is right.. maybe.. maybe its time.. for the wind.. to move on..
The harder i hold.. the more suffocating it is.. if its hard to see the back.. den move until i don't see anything and keep on moving.. till the right moment for me to stop..
Went on with the 1st plan of the week.. get some new clothing.. met anil in the middle of shopping.. den when changi airport for a hair cut... went to tampines shopping centre to walk around and waste time.. finally home..
2 probs.. twice the blow...
(1) Fark you bastard.. don't ever call me anymore.. you betrayed me.. my trust.. i believe soooo much in you.. but you lied.. again and again.. even when the rest said no.. it can't be.. i still believed.. I'm a complete idiot.. but guess I'm not too late to come back to reality..
(2) I believe i finally know what the weird feelings were.. it was what i feared most.. and what i couldn't believe most.. I'm lost.. not knowing what to do since i knew the truth.. the feelings are suffocating me.. but even if i make the attempt.. nothing good will come out.. especially its no longer possible.. in fact.. i think nothing could have started.. i really dunno i can hang on a not.. but i made my promise since that day.. i will do what i can.. don't ask me when it started.. it could be very very very long ago.. but the feelings just grew that strong now..
This reminds me of what someone used to be dear to me said...
“你像一阵风。明明感觉得到你却抓不住你。有时候根本猜不透你在想些什么。”
She said something else too.. which is a bit hard to say out.. but i finally know what she meant..
“我像一阵风。一个明明人们能感觉得到却看也看不到，摸也摸不到的风。人们的眼里是看不到风的。风会悄悄地来悄悄地去。没有人会知道他的存在。”
In a way.. she is right.. maybe.. maybe its time.. for the wind.. to move on..
The harder i hold.. the more suffocating it is.. if its hard to see the back.. den move until i don't see anything and keep on moving.. till the right moment for me to stop..
Saturday, June 07, 2008
The end...
Not in the mood for anything.. headache is killing me.. lack of sleep is killing me.. eyes are watery.. i tried as hard as i could for the day.. tried doing a lot of things not to think about it.. done singing.. washing clothes.. clean the house.. but it isn't enough... my energy is running out.. my mind is broken down...
Today.. just isn't a day for me.. i hate today.. someone precious to me moved on.. on this day.. years back..
i miss you.. i miss your loud voice.. i miss your cooking.. wish that i can hold your hands one more time.. when you whisper strength into me.. just as i needed them.. when your strict loud voice become so warm and calm... eyes are getting heavier.. visions getting blur..
Think i said the worse things to some people.. sorry.. i have no excuse nor reason for it.. all i can say is sorry.. must have hurt.. i'm sorry.. right now.. it's hurting me a lot more.. really sorry for being such a jerk...
Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...
Today.. just isn't a day for me.. i hate today.. someone precious to me moved on.. on this day.. years back..
i miss you.. i miss your loud voice.. i miss your cooking.. wish that i can hold your hands one more time.. when you whisper strength into me.. just as i needed them.. when your strict loud voice become so warm and calm... eyes are getting heavier.. visions getting blur..
Think i said the worse things to some people.. sorry.. i have no excuse nor reason for it.. all i can say is sorry.. must have hurt.. i'm sorry.. right now.. it's hurting me a lot more.. really sorry for being such a jerk...
Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...
Friday, June 06, 2008
Screw it~~ Woohoo~~
Today finally finished my last paper in the morning~ woohoo~~ ended early so we went canteen 1 sit sit talk talk.. haha.. xiu they all left 1st.. den left me and anil stoning waiting for ed.. for what? ITS BADMINTON TIME~ hahaha.. went queensway shopping centre and had our rackets restring.. den we head down to clementi sports hall~ woot.. we were early and we heck! we just find an empty court and started playing.. damn shag can.. like hours of moving around.. really burnt a lot of Cal.. hahaha.. going to have another round on fri.. i think.. haha with clarine and her sis this time.. well she jio me go ktv must return with something.. otherwise like very weird.. haha.. think i not making sense..
Exams over and holiday is here!! So many things to do.. projects.. inter poly forum.. most impt.. PLAY~ hahaha.. this time round must gather every1 and have a good drink at a good place... haha.. anyway got 2 ppl treating.. WHAHAHAHAHA.. *evil grin*
Haha.. jokes over la.. really need to reflect through what went wrong these few months.. think quite a lot of things happened.. even studies also a bit not into form.. i need to make a lot of improvement.. enjoying is part of the life.. but.. this isn't what i aiming for when i come to poly.. i have a lot of expectation to see to.. a lot of critics to endure.. the thought of not making it through really scares me.. in fact.. i sometimes even have nightmares about failing my exams and stuffs.. stress? Yea.. if i think about it.. the stress will come.. good thing i tend to forget this very fast.. and JC really trained me up in stress management.. haha.. taking things easy for now..
Getting rojak feelings for the past 2 weeks.. like i also not sure what I'm feeling.. a bit lost on what i actually want also.. Arg~! I hate this kind of uncertainty.. having prob sleeping also.. think its because of this shit "rojak" i getting.. i'm obviously tired.. but every time i lay on my bed my eyes will stare at the ceiling and my mind will go blank.. ytd nite was the same... but xiu keep chasing me off msn to sleep... so i went to lie down.. ended up the same thing.. manage to fell asleep at about 3am.. when am i going to have a proper sleep?
Anyway.. jn going cheena liao.. so sad.. but think someone more sad then i.. hahaha.. gals.. dun saded ar.. dun think about it and very fast 1 week will pass by.. oh ya.. sun bian buy me some things leh.. hahaha.. no snakes and rats ar~ going to get my bball back so i start some training again.. inspired by the sec sch bball matches this afternoon.. haha.. still preferred the JC matches.. the kick is there..
Right now my eye lids are heavy but i still having sleeping prob.. watching animes and shit things to kill time.. can't wait for tml's dinner.. celebrating father's day.. woot~
Exams over and holiday is here!! So many things to do.. projects.. inter poly forum.. most impt.. PLAY~ hahaha.. this time round must gather every1 and have a good drink at a good place... haha.. anyway got 2 ppl treating.. WHAHAHAHAHA.. *evil grin*
Haha.. jokes over la.. really need to reflect through what went wrong these few months.. think quite a lot of things happened.. even studies also a bit not into form.. i need to make a lot of improvement.. enjoying is part of the life.. but.. this isn't what i aiming for when i come to poly.. i have a lot of expectation to see to.. a lot of critics to endure.. the thought of not making it through really scares me.. in fact.. i sometimes even have nightmares about failing my exams and stuffs.. stress? Yea.. if i think about it.. the stress will come.. good thing i tend to forget this very fast.. and JC really trained me up in stress management.. haha.. taking things easy for now..
Getting rojak feelings for the past 2 weeks.. like i also not sure what I'm feeling.. a bit lost on what i actually want also.. Arg~! I hate this kind of uncertainty.. having prob sleeping also.. think its because of this shit "rojak" i getting.. i'm obviously tired.. but every time i lay on my bed my eyes will stare at the ceiling and my mind will go blank.. ytd nite was the same... but xiu keep chasing me off msn to sleep... so i went to lie down.. ended up the same thing.. manage to fell asleep at about 3am.. when am i going to have a proper sleep?
Anyway.. jn going cheena liao.. so sad.. but think someone more sad then i.. hahaha.. gals.. dun saded ar.. dun think about it and very fast 1 week will pass by.. oh ya.. sun bian buy me some things leh.. hahaha.. no snakes and rats ar~ going to get my bball back so i start some training again.. inspired by the sec sch bball matches this afternoon.. haha.. still preferred the JC matches.. the kick is there..
Right now my eye lids are heavy but i still having sleeping prob.. watching animes and shit things to kill time.. can't wait for tml's dinner.. celebrating father's day.. woot~
Thursday, June 05, 2008
That's When I Love You
Today paper was not too bad.. anywayz.. was revising for tml's paper in the lib when i heard this song by Asyln.. That's When I Love You.. the moment i heard it.. had a special feeling for the song.. now its ringing in my mind like Mariah Carey's I Stay In Love..
The song is simple and sweet.. which i think its not easy.. sometimes the simplest song has the best way to express certain feelings and connect to the people listening.. After tml's paper.. go restring badminton racket.. den play a full 3 hours badminton to release all the energy.. Sun.. may b go down heng's house and start practicing 2 points shooting.. target.. 1000 balls.. just like old times.. haha...
Still enjoying the song..
Aslyn lyrics - That's When I Love You
When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love youI love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what
No matter what
The song is simple and sweet.. which i think its not easy.. sometimes the simplest song has the best way to express certain feelings and connect to the people listening.. After tml's paper.. go restring badminton racket.. den play a full 3 hours badminton to release all the energy.. Sun.. may b go down heng's house and start practicing 2 points shooting.. target.. 1000 balls.. just like old times.. haha...
Still enjoying the song..
Aslyn lyrics - That's When I Love You
When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love youI love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what
No matter what
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Life is unfair...
My friend was just complainin how much life is unfair.. i felt that.. it never was.. had it been fair.. then my journey through life would be a lot more simple.. but hell no.. its damn rough.. too many ups and down..
Well my friend has been putting a lot of effort in many things.. for school, work, friends and family.. but when things doesn't seem to be returning.. it felt as though the efforts are for nothing.. i know how you felt my friend.. sometimes a simple reply that may sound so insignificant or a joke to others is very hurting.. actually.. what is really wanted.. is just to be realized that you are there.. not to realize how much credit you should have.. just simply knowing you are there.. but when your existence is like as if not known.. it really isn't very nice..
But.. my friend.. if you don't put in the effort.. mayb you wun even have wat u have now.. i really do know what you going through.. cos like what you said.. we are the same kind.. which is why you tok to me about it.. we are just plain idiots... welcome to the family.. =P
Don't ask for what the world can do for you.. ask what u can do for the world.. a very old saying.. still remember? hahaha.. well we not that noble.. so just keep it to people around us.. yea.. i know its not the sadness you really facin through.. but rather.. the fear.. as things gets better for others.. yours may not be moving.. you push others .. but u got no one to push you.. slowly you are distanced.. ya.. been through it.. still going through it too =) Alot of people say i got nothing to fear.. there's one.. we fear because we give more then we can.. and it somehow becomes scary (not sure how to explain) all i can say is.. sometimes we gotta put our feelings aside and do whats right no matter how complex our feelings may be..
Just be who you are.. someday.. someone.. will find you.. or you will find that person that he/she will hold on to you or vice versa.. just open up your eyes a little more.. you may realize that person is close.. and when you ever do find it.. may b.. you would say life is fair... don't gif up.. =)
Is that moment near for me too?
Well my friend has been putting a lot of effort in many things.. for school, work, friends and family.. but when things doesn't seem to be returning.. it felt as though the efforts are for nothing.. i know how you felt my friend.. sometimes a simple reply that may sound so insignificant or a joke to others is very hurting.. actually.. what is really wanted.. is just to be realized that you are there.. not to realize how much credit you should have.. just simply knowing you are there.. but when your existence is like as if not known.. it really isn't very nice..
But.. my friend.. if you don't put in the effort.. mayb you wun even have wat u have now.. i really do know what you going through.. cos like what you said.. we are the same kind.. which is why you tok to me about it.. we are just plain idiots... welcome to the family.. =P
Don't ask for what the world can do for you.. ask what u can do for the world.. a very old saying.. still remember? hahaha.. well we not that noble.. so just keep it to people around us.. yea.. i know its not the sadness you really facin through.. but rather.. the fear.. as things gets better for others.. yours may not be moving.. you push others .. but u got no one to push you.. slowly you are distanced.. ya.. been through it.. still going through it too =) Alot of people say i got nothing to fear.. there's one.. we fear because we give more then we can.. and it somehow becomes scary (not sure how to explain) all i can say is.. sometimes we gotta put our feelings aside and do whats right no matter how complex our feelings may be..
Just be who you are.. someday.. someone.. will find you.. or you will find that person that he/she will hold on to you or vice versa.. just open up your eyes a little more.. you may realize that person is close.. and when you ever do find it.. may b.. you would say life is fair... don't gif up.. =)
Is that moment near for me too?
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Shadow...
As usual went to study for CA.. haha exam period bo bian.. den 1/2 way thru ed smsed.. we met him for lunch.. den service xiu's phone at the nokia service centre.. den we went to rp to slack a bit... send xiu to yew tee and again slack awhile until its time for her tuition.. den i went AMK hub to meet ang.. treat him to dinner and we had a good talk.. best part.. CASH IS IN.. woot.. have to make good use of the money.. =P after a super filling dinner.. went home..
Along the way.. someone called... had some prob and needed someone to tok to.. since i was free anyway.. spent my time on the phone.. this friend of mine (no names mentioned.. haha) like heart broken.. he had this very close GF.. she was the best.. help him with studies and washes clothes and stuff.. but because every time she enjoyed what he cooked.. he made meals for her.. seeing her smile each time made he really happy.. but one day.. his mum was coming over (he is staying alone in rented flat).. since he had no time.. he asked his GF to cook.. but on that day.. she didn't.. his mum was furious after the waiting.. they went out to eat.. and soon after.. everything broke down.. because of the disappointment.. they broke up.. but he still likes her a lot..
Recently he met her.. he noticed that she was drinking extremely bitter black coffee.. at that moment he realize something.. she lost her sense of taste.. he asked her. .and she replied "finally you noticed" her current BF realize it within weeks... and love her a lot.. my friend explained that he love her too.. but she replied "You love me for the love i gave you.. it was never really me"
This made me thought.. some times.. we really forget to see, to feel, to understand those around us.. we are blinded at a lot of times.. we believe we know everything.. but maybe.. the ones that we don't understand the most are those right beside us.. when i think back and try to see how much i know about my old friends.. i realize though they are the few closest to me.. i don't really know much about them.. as least not as much as what i knew b4.. really woke me up..
At times, I'm not the one neglecting.. but the one neglected.. of course it hurts.. it hurts a lot.. to be left alone each time.. but each time i see that he/she is happy.. it doesn't really matter anymore.. what's more important is the smiles of those i treasure.. i realize that's how I've been living my life.. it's tough, tiring and sometimes sad i must say.. to move behind when they don't need me and push when they needed the support.. every moment is a challenge.. everyday is a torture.. but still... I'm loving it.. cause.. every smile that i see.. adds energy to my life.. if u ever ask me do i wanna change.. i wan to.. to become even stronger.. to be able to support more people.. yes.. I'm a complete idiot.. but thats how a complete idiot lives his life.. =)
.
Who will find me within the shadows of many.. who will adopt me...
.
Along the way.. someone called... had some prob and needed someone to tok to.. since i was free anyway.. spent my time on the phone.. this friend of mine (no names mentioned.. haha) like heart broken.. he had this very close GF.. she was the best.. help him with studies and washes clothes and stuff.. but because every time she enjoyed what he cooked.. he made meals for her.. seeing her smile each time made he really happy.. but one day.. his mum was coming over (he is staying alone in rented flat).. since he had no time.. he asked his GF to cook.. but on that day.. she didn't.. his mum was furious after the waiting.. they went out to eat.. and soon after.. everything broke down.. because of the disappointment.. they broke up.. but he still likes her a lot..
Recently he met her.. he noticed that she was drinking extremely bitter black coffee.. at that moment he realize something.. she lost her sense of taste.. he asked her. .and she replied "finally you noticed" her current BF realize it within weeks... and love her a lot.. my friend explained that he love her too.. but she replied "You love me for the love i gave you.. it was never really me"
This made me thought.. some times.. we really forget to see, to feel, to understand those around us.. we are blinded at a lot of times.. we believe we know everything.. but maybe.. the ones that we don't understand the most are those right beside us.. when i think back and try to see how much i know about my old friends.. i realize though they are the few closest to me.. i don't really know much about them.. as least not as much as what i knew b4.. really woke me up..
At times, I'm not the one neglecting.. but the one neglected.. of course it hurts.. it hurts a lot.. to be left alone each time.. but each time i see that he/she is happy.. it doesn't really matter anymore.. what's more important is the smiles of those i treasure.. i realize that's how I've been living my life.. it's tough, tiring and sometimes sad i must say.. to move behind when they don't need me and push when they needed the support.. every moment is a challenge.. everyday is a torture.. but still... I'm loving it.. cause.. every smile that i see.. adds energy to my life.. if u ever ask me do i wanna change.. i wan to.. to become even stronger.. to be able to support more people.. yes.. I'm a complete idiot.. but thats how a complete idiot lives his life.. =)
.
Who will find me within the shadows of many.. who will adopt me...
.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Killer Paper..
Today woke up early to revise more.. den met xiu and anil for lunch.. den go study abit again.. make the last struggle b4 entering the LT for our paper.. and man... IT WAS HELL~~ i was like so uncertain with all my ans man.. its the 1st time i felt it this way.. i cannot understand how his marks are allocated.. fark! i hate INAC.. not because of the subject itself.. but because of the lecturer.. 1st time i condemn a teacher that much.. seriously.. i demand a change of teacher.. although we made our complains to module head but doesn't seems to be working.. crap...
Hell with the paper.. its ok.. and i dun wan to be bothered by it.. at least i noe 2 other papers i have the chance to score.. need to focus.. went over to woodlands after school.. since the guys wanted to stay to study so i left school with xiu.. anyway.. they also ended up playing.. hahaha.. while on the way we decided to pop by RP to gif jn the sleeping bag.. so went over xiu's house den to RP.. its like damn nice la.. fully air con.. best part.. the equipments and stuffs are all brand new.. lots of slacking areas too.. went to the sports complex.. although not very big but at least got some standard la.. not like NP one.. the basketball court was indoor one.. damn nice too.. crap.. arg.. envy.. hahaha.. i onli wan the court.. hahaha.. anyway.. xiu and i was like outside the court dunno wat to do.. haha den we stare and stare hoping jn will see us.. tried many attempts but failed.. haha.. so finally i decided.. told xiu to let me wear her shoes so i can go in the court to pass it to her (no shoe cannot enter.. its a rule..).. xiu was scared of the crowds so i went in lor.. finally pass it to her liao sia.. haha we wasted quite a bit of time.. anyway went back home liao..
Was on msn.. den xiu say let me c somethin surprising.. and god i was surprise.. surprisingly see something very nice.. xiu in dress.. and it suits her la.. really really nice.. she showed me using web cam (don't think dirty ar.. haha..).. special service onli i got.. haha.. preferred to see it live in person man..hahaha she sent 2 photos too.. really nice.. she should really try getting some on her own.. told her a couple of times liao.. all i get is.. BLEH... hahahahaha.. thats sooo her.. haha..
Hope that this holiday come faster.. can go get new shirts and pants.. woot.. but the holiday also got alot of things to do.. sob sob.. at least it will be real packed.. jn going to china.. pray nothing happens at all.. sun bian get me some local things.. hahahaha.. =P
Hell with the paper.. its ok.. and i dun wan to be bothered by it.. at least i noe 2 other papers i have the chance to score.. need to focus.. went over to woodlands after school.. since the guys wanted to stay to study so i left school with xiu.. anyway.. they also ended up playing.. hahaha.. while on the way we decided to pop by RP to gif jn the sleeping bag.. so went over xiu's house den to RP.. its like damn nice la.. fully air con.. best part.. the equipments and stuffs are all brand new.. lots of slacking areas too.. went to the sports complex.. although not very big but at least got some standard la.. not like NP one.. the basketball court was indoor one.. damn nice too.. crap.. arg.. envy.. hahaha.. i onli wan the court.. hahaha.. anyway.. xiu and i was like outside the court dunno wat to do.. haha den we stare and stare hoping jn will see us.. tried many attempts but failed.. haha.. so finally i decided.. told xiu to let me wear her shoes so i can go in the court to pass it to her (no shoe cannot enter.. its a rule..).. xiu was scared of the crowds so i went in lor.. finally pass it to her liao sia.. haha we wasted quite a bit of time.. anyway went back home liao..
Was on msn.. den xiu say let me c somethin surprising.. and god i was surprise.. surprisingly see something very nice.. xiu in dress.. and it suits her la.. really really nice.. she showed me using web cam (don't think dirty ar.. haha..).. special service onli i got.. haha.. preferred to see it live in person man..hahaha she sent 2 photos too.. really nice.. she should really try getting some on her own.. told her a couple of times liao.. all i get is.. BLEH... hahahahaha.. thats sooo her.. haha..
Hope that this holiday come faster.. can go get new shirts and pants.. woot.. but the holiday also got alot of things to do.. sob sob.. at least it will be real packed.. jn going to china.. pray nothing happens at all.. sun bian get me some local things.. hahahaha.. =P
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Muggin period..
Went to lib again to study.. and the librarian was like asking me and xiu friends a not.. as soon as i replied yes.. she made us move inside to save 2 seats for other people to use.. like no diff also lor.. our lappy taking a lot of space lor.. but i moved cause they were like staring and waiting.. snore.. ya.. not long after.. wah really got a couple come and sit.. sian diao.. the guy was like shaking damn violently la.. the whole table was like practically having an earthquake.. tried to take a nap.. but that fellow shake shake shake until i cannot really rest.. snore..
After revising we decided to play a bit of arcarde to destress and sat down somewhere to study a bit while waiting for jn.. went to queensway shopping centre together with KX and TM to accompany jn to get some stuffs... spend quite a long time there and inspired me to buy new clothings sia.. hahahaha.. shall start shopping as soon as exam end.. haha.. after that went for dinner.. and tata.. i'm homed.. but still need to continue to mug for tml's paper.. sian.. back to mugging...
After revising we decided to play a bit of arcarde to destress and sat down somewhere to study a bit while waiting for jn.. went to queensway shopping centre together with KX and TM to accompany jn to get some stuffs... spend quite a long time there and inspired me to buy new clothings sia.. hahahaha.. shall start shopping as soon as exam end.. haha.. after that went for dinner.. and tata.. i'm homed.. but still need to continue to mug for tml's paper.. sian.. back to mugging...