Sunday, May 31, 2009

goodbye..

preparing all that i need for tonite...

will i still hve the strength to go sch tml.. the day after.. the day after after... i seriously dunno..

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.

Insomia

Went to ECP with ed, daryl and xiu for picnic and cycling.. bus trip was freakin long.. and surprisingly i slept.. for once.. without any fear.. picnic was good.. cycling was crazy.. very tiring.. tried to cycle all the way to changi beach but erm.. like damn far and not enuf time... not tryin to make an excuse here.. really..

After tt, we took bus to city link and decided to grab some small bites at the newly open Taiwanese Xin Wang Cafe.. its a total scam.. freakin scam shop.. xiu ordered sausage with garlic.. the waitress say.. nice nice.. when it come out.. we all stun.. its just farkin taiwan sausage la.. i tot got some special cookin to it.. but NO~ farkin the same as pasa malam la.. and the price is a rip off.. den i ordered some desert... it says.. ice lemon pudding.. wah.. come out.. got ice.. few grinded ice.. got lemon.. 2 slices.. and puddin.. tts the best part.. it became jelly.. it just looked like any ice jelly u can get from the desert shop at a kopitiam.. except... MORE ICE...

Den this waitress came along wanted to sell us the membership card.. in our head we already dun wan to come again liao.. still wan us to get membership.. so she ask.. do u all wanna sign up membership (in chinese)? instantly we all said no.. den guess wat.. she said.. 为什么? huh.. dun wan means dun wan la.. still ask.. den we reject her.. she totally ignore us and wanted to explain the details.. wah totally CMI...

Entire day was fun.. tio abit sun burn...

check out the photos here...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=82095&id=754399614&l=1aa8c89dbf

14 days exact with "Insomia".. still counting...

If i hve to live my life this way.. den i'm not living at all.. i hve to stop this.. i hve to return myself to who i am.. i know wat may be missing.. i know now... wat i must do.. return to my fear once more.. and faced it.. if its really the end.. den i will cut all ties.. clean.. leavin nothin behind to look back..

even if it hurts 1000 times more den b4..

even if i'm hated for..

this is so for the better of us all... to walk on..

I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Will someone be there to catch me when I'm fall, or will I forever be lying with no sound at all.

Friday, May 29, 2009

alive? mayb not..

270509.. the entire lab went to walk on bridges that connects various parks together.. from hort park all the way to habour front.. long day.. watch 17 again with bliss and xiu.. acc bliss home with xiu.. den went home.. was a happy day.. i guess...

its more den a week.. 13 days to be exact.. since that moment.. my eyes haven been able to shut as i like.. frankly speakin.. i'm scared.. out of the 13 days.. as fatigue sets in finally after 5, 6 hours of starin at the ceiling.. the next moment i would wake up with cold sweat..

i'm scared of flashes that run thru my mind when my eyes are shut..

i'm scared of accepting the fact..

i tried.. am still trying to move...

I chose.. still choosing to smile.. stay happy..

But y even i've decided... i'm still living with an empty soul..

Am i still alive?

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

hill climb...

Another sleepless nite.. still counting.. since i wasn't able to sleep.. i got up and stick glowin stars on my ceiling.. by now.. i hve 5 zodiac constellation on my ceiling.. when i off the lights.. wah.. nice.. hahahha

today went to bukit timah hill to climb and exercise.. it was a pity that the rest decided to back out last min.. like damn sad la.. ytd nv go becos they say today wanna go.. haiz.. waste time..

Weather i dunno is consider good or bad.. by the time we got there.. it was still drizzling which made us slightly more wet besides from the sweat.. when we reachin the submit.. there was white dog following us.. den xiu got frighten.. den all the sudden she say.. omg.. the nose touching me.. ah~ i'm like.. hmm.. the onli thin behind her is me.. the dog like still quite a distance man.. hahaha.. den she turn ard and see.. wah instant paiseh.. quite funnie..

Tml goin for the walk on the long long bridge with lab mates.. hope they dun pang seh again.. need to get more glow in the dark stars.. confirm not enough.. enjoy the photos...

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.

Monday, May 25, 2009

wheel of time...

been almost a week.. despite how much fun thins have happened... it seems that my time didn't really move on from that day when i see shadows moving away in different directions..

almost a week of sleepless nite.. dun even noe how i manage to stay awake in morning with onli mayb 1 or 2 hrs of sleep.. must be due to FDS training.. now body can tahan no matter how little amount of sleep i hve..

I tried to stay out to keep myself occupied but doesn't seem to work very well isn't it.. frankly speaking... i dun wanna go home early everyday.. i wanna make myself physically tired so i would naturally go to sleep and forget about everything..

today almost went to bukit timah hill.. but by the time we reach bus stop.. there was a change of plan.. dunno y.. i throw a short few sec of tantrum (dun really wanna go home yet) but i guess. throwing tantrum isn't suited for me.. i just simply can't get angry easily nor a long time...

got home to put down my thins.. went to run along the road.. didn't care where the road would lead me... didn't care how long i would run.. tryin to drain my energy off.. tryin to turn the wheel of time again...

WHEEL OF TIME PLEASE TURN.. please...

courage.. strength.. dun fail me..

stand by me...

for i dunno how much longer i can hold on to my mask..

rite now.. doin abit of ppt for ah tan.. mayb watch a little bit of Voice the jap drama... den go sleep.. if i can.. let see how long i go with 1/2 hrs of sleep everyday.. mayb i might break world record for the person with least amount of sleep.. haha..

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Voice

Medicine was born to save living people... but it also has the power to bring the smallest thread of voice of the dead out... not just simply knowing the truth.. but to convey the last msg that the dead couldn't say in time.. Those utilize such power are the forensic scientists...

Voice is a jap drama about a group of students who study forensic medicine.. it gave a totally different impression of wat forensic may b.. knowing the cause of death may b wat forensic is about.. but it is enough? does it means it ends there? the victims family will always hve doubts in their head which onli forensic scientists can tell them the entire story...

The drama itself is touching.. simple to understand.. what it tries to portray is not about the scientific part of it.. but the true meanin behind the job...

impressive..

Saturday, May 23, 2009

birthday surprise and a day off..

woooohoooo~ bliss just turn 19 today! happy bday!! since she had plans for today.. we decided to celebrate for her ytd...

for her bday we have been plannin to surprise her.. well.. she knew the 2 monkeys (me and xiu) were up to no good but she totally hve no idea wats comin~!! muahahaahha

Initially we planned to go down to icin palace at JP to make a cake for bliss.. but we heard she like the choco cake from gloria jeans and she dun like cream cakes... so rite after sch on thurs.. the lab team (meaning every1).. went down to vivo to order the cake.. too bad we were late in the order.. the cake has to be like ordered 2 to 3 days in advance... snore.. no choice.. we went to awefully chocolate to buy a plain chocolate cake with onli her name written.. den we went decorating the cake OURSELVES.. hahahaha.. looks damn cute la.. after the deco.. mayb we shld all think about 2nd career in bakery industry.. HAHA...

Oh ya.. must really apologised to ed and frens.. suppose to meet them.. but we overshot the time.. and we hve to get party items.. so ended up we nv go dinner with them.. got over to 888 near xiu's house.. got the stuff we needed.. den sotong us.. forget to print photos to deco the card..

Finally D day arrives.. monkeys got up bloody early.. and started pumpin and blowin balloons.. the pump like shit... blowing is like twice the speed man.. and i think the auntie con us.. the balloons where got 100 pieces sia.. more like 50.. oh well.. we locked 1 of the doors of the lab leavin onli the prep room door unlock.. so like force her to come from there.. den we all hide... when she got in.. the front will hve ppl popping while monkeys from behind spray strings.. wahahaha.. the lab was in a mess man

I think for the 1st time ar.. we hve party in a lab.. HAHA.. with the TSO knowing and our supervisor WATCHIN.. not onli we party.. we ate.. and drink in the lab.. totally broke ALL the rules..

After cake eatin and blah blah.. decided to go bugis makan steamboat.. eat until xiu and bliss like pregnant.. HAHA.. spend some quality time in arcade exercisin the fats off den off to vivo to watch Night In Museum 2... super funny movie.. laugh my head off.. not literally of cos.. =P makan dinner den spend some time at the roof of vivo.. den home~ like spend more den 12 hours outside playing.. HAHAHA.. totally pon sch.. pon work.. seems that this is the 1st time they celebrate a bday this way.. cool.. i believe every1 enjoyed the day alot..

Anyways photo below.. enjoy~

Monday, May 18, 2009

thank you

another sleepless nite.. but thats not impt...

just puttin a simple entry to thank someone for the dry breakfast.. haha.. but.. it worth alot.. and i finished it hor.. thanks you..

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Wanderer..

aimlessly walk ard singapore.. tryin to cool the head off.. ended up walkin from ECP to changi.. sat down the entire day.. experiencing peace.. quietness.. tryin to find the courage and strength to face reality again.. wasn't easy neither too tough..

Although sadness within me still stays.. but at least i can move on already..

You guys were the best.. is the best and will always stay the best.. i hope our paths can cross again.. and by that time.. thins would be alot better between all of us..

haiz....

Saturday, May 16, 2009

the end... part 2..

D nite.. D venue.. as we always did to gather around.. but this time rd.. i wish i didn't had to come..

Being frens for soooo many years.. not just frens but best of frens.. we shared countless of memories.. we shared tears.. laughter.. fights... but most importantly.. we shared our thoughts and hearts... but why~ why do we hve to end it this way... i know for the past few yrs.. all of our relationships showed cracks.. but no matter wat happened.. we always sit together and mend that hole... why not this time?!

I know.. this isn't the 1st time that it is happening.. but why let yrs of frenship end becos of some misunderstandings?! All these yrs.. all these time... it meant somethin didn't it?! we tried so long!!! i know every1 tried to patch it up but can't we put in more effort? just a little bit more? please...................

Finally, you all decided... to walk our own seperate path..

you guys noe wat? everytime we meet.. and we said thins on our minds.. being as straight forward as we always do.. we said the meanest thins.. those did really hurt... but...

what hurts more.. was the moment when i stand alone.. watching each of ur backs leaving the place in different directions.. when each of you disappear from my sight... i realise.. this is it.. this is the end... mayb all that is left.. are memories of the past..

i feet soo lost.. as though a kid who lost his mother in a place he nv knew..

I feel so sad that i don't even noe if my heart is beatin anymore..

i feel......

like crying

To some1 else who didn't reply my msg.. sorry i hve to put you thru a very difficult time.. really..

the end... part 1..

past few days isn't really happy moments.. became worse on fri.. met daryl and co. for sakae buffet at park mall.. actually.. i really wanted to back out.. but i decided mayb a break will be good b4 the moment at the nite.. it was really enjoyable but sadly.. my mind wasn't really there..sorry.. Finally, daryl they all went for a movie (which i really wanted to go) while i make my way to the "same venue" that we always meet...

B4 i go onto part 2.. i would like to put some of the photos we took at sakae.. to lighten up the mood...