after weeks and months of trials... finally.. i manage to get into blogspot... actually.. i could log in.. but everytime i click on create post for this blog.. it always ends up error.. to prevent such a thin from happening.. i decided to move to a new blog at this location:
http://in-myworldtoday.blogspot.com/
Friday, September 18, 2009
Moving
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
What do you see in the cup?
This is me right now...
This is me right now...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Transformer.. ultimate...
just now went to watch transformer: revenge of the fallen... its damn cool la! the action is alot.. the explosion is alot.. the sexiness is alot (love the lead actress.. hot)... and there's alot of comedy as well.. the movie actually tried to convey a msg.. which is abt unity among the world... and trust.. or mayb i tot the movie tried to...
after that.. went a little small picnic sort of thin.. bought food at pasa malam.. and simple drinks.. sat down near a playground.. and started the picnic.. after that.. initially wanted to buy ice cream.. but stomach is like bloated with water and food.. so decided not to.. took a small walk to a park.. wanted to just sit down and relax.. look at the sky (theres alot of stars tonite) until damn late den go home.. too bad.. rite now.. i'm like at home bloggin...
i noe i'm tired.. but again cannot sleep... but no where else to go.. no where else to stay.. so goin to stone infront of the com until i'm extremely tired.. or i'll stare at the "stars" on my ceiling.. finally tot could hve a bit of relaxation but too bad it had to end to quickly..
gotta smile................ HAPPY~~~~~~~~ i think.. mayb.. 1/2 the world is really hard to make up for.. but i'm still tryin my best to fill it up.. hopefully some1 can help me more..
after that.. went a little small picnic sort of thin.. bought food at pasa malam.. and simple drinks.. sat down near a playground.. and started the picnic.. after that.. initially wanted to buy ice cream.. but stomach is like bloated with water and food.. so decided not to.. took a small walk to a park.. wanted to just sit down and relax.. look at the sky (theres alot of stars tonite) until damn late den go home.. too bad.. rite now.. i'm like at home bloggin...
i noe i'm tired.. but again cannot sleep... but no where else to go.. no where else to stay.. so goin to stone infront of the com until i'm extremely tired.. or i'll stare at the "stars" on my ceiling.. finally tot could hve a bit of relaxation but too bad it had to end to quickly..
gotta smile................ HAPPY~~~~~~~~ i think.. mayb.. 1/2 the world is really hard to make up for.. but i'm still tryin my best to fill it up.. hopefully some1 can help me more..
Friday, June 26, 2009
Cheer up..
told the truth quite some time ago.. sad to say it was very hurting.. but wats even more sad was i didn't take into account of people's feeling.. i'm such a jerk...
At that moment of time.. all i tot was how i felt and i said my feelings out very straight forward.. worse fren i can be.. haiz.. i'm like wanting to apologise so much so.. i can hardly breathe properly.. not literally of cos...
Den i decided.. wats done cannot be undone.. tried to keep the mood up.. smile.. laff.. accompany more often..
In the end.. for the past week.. we did abit of stuff.. quite crazy in fact.. cannot think cannot think... haha.. no red bull.. no orange juice...=P
so please cheer up~
Ur smile makes my day.. genuine smile of cos...
At that moment of time.. all i tot was how i felt and i said my feelings out very straight forward.. worse fren i can be.. haiz.. i'm like wanting to apologise so much so.. i can hardly breathe properly.. not literally of cos...
Den i decided.. wats done cannot be undone.. tried to keep the mood up.. smile.. laff.. accompany more often..
In the end.. for the past week.. we did abit of stuff.. quite crazy in fact.. cannot think cannot think... haha.. no red bull.. no orange juice...=P
so please cheer up~
Ur smile makes my day.. genuine smile of cos...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Disappointment... but no one is perfect...
2 weeks nv blog.. but i can't remember exactly wat i did.. ytd was xiu's bday.. and we spend abt a week to plan.. wat to do.. surprises and present... every1 put in alot of effort.. ben did the slide show.. the girls deco her lab coat which was very nice.. and i planned the activities and deco of the lab...
Can't remember how i survive the week.. i onli remember gettin ingredient for the bakin mango cake and the little bday msg scrapbook.. which alot of ppl contributed.. thanks.. couldn't finished it without all of u.. i really like these kind of present.. cos its like a photo album.. u can keep lookin and lookin..
memories...
On D day.. we were all excited. we deco the lab.. used lightsticks to form the "happy bday monkey" and used LOTS of trash bag to make the lab very dark.. and the entire place didn't felt like a lab.. it was very nice..
After that.. we went to eat at china town.. DURIAN~~ and played bowling.. although we were all extremely tired from doin the present and surprise.. we tried to enjoy as much as we could..
In the nite.. we met xiu's sec sch fren for dinner at marina barrage.. we packed pizza.. when we were there.. it was the start of the disappointment...
There were 3 grps of people there.. 1 of the grp belongs to the poly grp.. which is the lab mates..
The moment we were there.. i felt that the girls( lab mates) were like totally neglected.. they had to like entertain themselves and they were lost la.. like dunno wat to do.. u can judge the amount by how much photos they shot in tt nite.. with xiu inside.. and how much of the moment they actually talked.. i'm not sayin xiu must be like able to accomodate every single person.. but at least be aware of who is ard and who is not..
At 1 point where we sat down and tok.. she asked.. hey who is missin.. den daryl said.. weisheng went home.. den she was like..oh ok.. she fail to realise the girls were missin and i was lookin ard for them... so i decided to call them.. and the girls were entertainin themselves at the dam.. cos they didn't noe wat to do.... PLUS THEY WERE TIRED! VERY!
The girls sacrificed alot of sleep to prepare her celebration.. WCM onli had 1 hr of sleep becos of the sewing.. the tot of them being ignore is very sad for me.. so i called and join them..
I can understand xiu needed time to settle her stuff.. but its just not rite for me.. after all.. when u think back of the amount of effort they put in.. and the amount of time they spend accompanyin xiu.. is just not rite... the girls dun deserve to be treated like tt.. and as part of the planner.. i feel even more bad for them.. which is why i went down to the dam to accompany them.. said jokes.. tryin to make the outin looked more fun.. when i asked.. u all bored? they were like.. ya.. den they say nvm la.. its her bday.. it made me feel.. unjusticed..
and seriously.. I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY ALWAYS 1 OTHER PERSON HVE TO SPOIL THE MOOD OF THE DAY.. is a bday!! NOT STRESS DAY! i'm gettin irritated by the other person who keep makin thins difficult.. and the fact she is involvin innocent ppl.. i cannot take it..
SHE CAN FARKIN HATE ME BUT I SWEAR... IF SHE INVOLVE ANOTHER INNOCENT PERSON.. I WILL MAKE IT PERSONAL..
This other person is selfish.. self centered.. to the point she dun try to understand the situation.. to the point she just dun care abt others..
FRENS GIVE AND TAKE.. FRENS ARE NOT OBJECT OF URS.. we are all humans.. we need to meet ppl new.. we need to breathe fresh air.. this is why we give in.. and we take some.. we DUN TAKE ALL
I feel damn bad for the gals.. that i dun even noe how to apologise to them.. and frankly speakin i pity xiu.. she is like a caged up person.. and no matter wat truth she say.. it always back fire.. although i lost 1/2 my world.. but hey.. it was clean.. no baggage.. but xiu's... torturous and endless.. is either she solve the prob... or as yrs goes on.. the thin will just get worse..
even until now.. i still feel bad.. abt 17 hrs the girls spend outside with her or for her thins.. and the endin is soooooo sad.. and irritatin.. got so much more to say .. but.. haiz.. seems pointless.. it all still lies with xiu.. it started with her.. she has to somehow end it.. or i can garantee... she will lose alot more on the way...
Can't remember how i survive the week.. i onli remember gettin ingredient for the bakin mango cake and the little bday msg scrapbook.. which alot of ppl contributed.. thanks.. couldn't finished it without all of u.. i really like these kind of present.. cos its like a photo album.. u can keep lookin and lookin..
memories...
On D day.. we were all excited. we deco the lab.. used lightsticks to form the "happy bday monkey" and used LOTS of trash bag to make the lab very dark.. and the entire place didn't felt like a lab.. it was very nice..
After that.. we went to eat at china town.. DURIAN~~ and played bowling.. although we were all extremely tired from doin the present and surprise.. we tried to enjoy as much as we could..
In the nite.. we met xiu's sec sch fren for dinner at marina barrage.. we packed pizza.. when we were there.. it was the start of the disappointment...
There were 3 grps of people there.. 1 of the grp belongs to the poly grp.. which is the lab mates..
The moment we were there.. i felt that the girls( lab mates) were like totally neglected.. they had to like entertain themselves and they were lost la.. like dunno wat to do.. u can judge the amount by how much photos they shot in tt nite.. with xiu inside.. and how much of the moment they actually talked.. i'm not sayin xiu must be like able to accomodate every single person.. but at least be aware of who is ard and who is not..
At 1 point where we sat down and tok.. she asked.. hey who is missin.. den daryl said.. weisheng went home.. den she was like..oh ok.. she fail to realise the girls were missin and i was lookin ard for them... so i decided to call them.. and the girls were entertainin themselves at the dam.. cos they didn't noe wat to do.... PLUS THEY WERE TIRED! VERY!
The girls sacrificed alot of sleep to prepare her celebration.. WCM onli had 1 hr of sleep becos of the sewing.. the tot of them being ignore is very sad for me.. so i called and join them..
I can understand xiu needed time to settle her stuff.. but its just not rite for me.. after all.. when u think back of the amount of effort they put in.. and the amount of time they spend accompanyin xiu.. is just not rite... the girls dun deserve to be treated like tt.. and as part of the planner.. i feel even more bad for them.. which is why i went down to the dam to accompany them.. said jokes.. tryin to make the outin looked more fun.. when i asked.. u all bored? they were like.. ya.. den they say nvm la.. its her bday.. it made me feel.. unjusticed..
and seriously.. I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY ALWAYS 1 OTHER PERSON HVE TO SPOIL THE MOOD OF THE DAY.. is a bday!! NOT STRESS DAY! i'm gettin irritated by the other person who keep makin thins difficult.. and the fact she is involvin innocent ppl.. i cannot take it..
SHE CAN FARKIN HATE ME BUT I SWEAR... IF SHE INVOLVE ANOTHER INNOCENT PERSON.. I WILL MAKE IT PERSONAL..
This other person is selfish.. self centered.. to the point she dun try to understand the situation.. to the point she just dun care abt others..
FRENS GIVE AND TAKE.. FRENS ARE NOT OBJECT OF URS.. we are all humans.. we need to meet ppl new.. we need to breathe fresh air.. this is why we give in.. and we take some.. we DUN TAKE ALL
I feel damn bad for the gals.. that i dun even noe how to apologise to them.. and frankly speakin i pity xiu.. she is like a caged up person.. and no matter wat truth she say.. it always back fire.. although i lost 1/2 my world.. but hey.. it was clean.. no baggage.. but xiu's... torturous and endless.. is either she solve the prob... or as yrs goes on.. the thin will just get worse..
even until now.. i still feel bad.. abt 17 hrs the girls spend outside with her or for her thins.. and the endin is soooooo sad.. and irritatin.. got so much more to say .. but.. haiz.. seems pointless.. it all still lies with xiu.. it started with her.. she has to somehow end it.. or i can garantee... she will lose alot more on the way...
Monday, June 01, 2009
1/2 the world gone..
tear the whole nite.. though my pride doesn't allow me to cry.. yet.. i couldn't control those glands of mine.. blur.. watery.. tts all i noe...
not sure wat time i slept exactly.. all i know is.. i feel that i lost 1/2 of my world.. memories build thru almost ur entire life up till now... erased.. all the sudden..
i feel lost.. despair.. now i know what it feels to be empty on the inside.. yes.. i made tt final choice to do the clean cut.. but precisely i made the decision.. it has a greater impact..
Sad.. but relieved.. it felt as though 6 months of giant stone just disappear.. 6 months of fear disappear.. contradictin huh.. at least i guess i would be able to sleep tonite..
Woke up late in the morning.. late for sch.. but manage to cut down the amount of time i was late.. everythin seems so blur and grey to me.. got the sch.. manage to do work.. didn't manage to keep up the so called "usual me"..
After sch.. went cck with xiu.. had ice cream and played the candy game.. won the jackpot and gotten a soft toy with a big bag of sweets.. happy? i dunno.. i guess.. i am really "dead" on the inside.. will i slowly become more cold blooded? wat is tt kind of me like.. i really wonder... but somehow its true.. i keep feelin.. nothin matters anymore.. wateva happens ard me... is nothin more den actions/behaviour..
I keep lookin at those hands of mine... keep wondering.. are these really mine?
After cck... i got home.. and started running.. running... running.. running.. didn't care where i was.. how where i would end up.. just cont. until my legs fail me..
As soon as i got to chinese garden.. my legs started to give way.. but i cont. i could hear my heart beating very hard.. i could hear my breathe gettin louder and louder.. when i got home.. my legs totally numb.. and i took a short fall.. pick up myself quickly.. no wanting to lose..
please dun say.. stop lookin back.. move on.. smile.. and be happy.. words are easy to say.. if any1 loses people that made up memories that fill almost their life.. its totally different..
all i can see are darkness.. nothin else... yet i still gotta work on that smile of me.. to present.. the so called.. "ME (original)"
Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.
not sure wat time i slept exactly.. all i know is.. i feel that i lost 1/2 of my world.. memories build thru almost ur entire life up till now... erased.. all the sudden..
i feel lost.. despair.. now i know what it feels to be empty on the inside.. yes.. i made tt final choice to do the clean cut.. but precisely i made the decision.. it has a greater impact..
Sad.. but relieved.. it felt as though 6 months of giant stone just disappear.. 6 months of fear disappear.. contradictin huh.. at least i guess i would be able to sleep tonite..
Woke up late in the morning.. late for sch.. but manage to cut down the amount of time i was late.. everythin seems so blur and grey to me.. got the sch.. manage to do work.. didn't manage to keep up the so called "usual me"..
After sch.. went cck with xiu.. had ice cream and played the candy game.. won the jackpot and gotten a soft toy with a big bag of sweets.. happy? i dunno.. i guess.. i am really "dead" on the inside.. will i slowly become more cold blooded? wat is tt kind of me like.. i really wonder... but somehow its true.. i keep feelin.. nothin matters anymore.. wateva happens ard me... is nothin more den actions/behaviour..
I keep lookin at those hands of mine... keep wondering.. are these really mine?
After cck... i got home.. and started running.. running... running.. running.. didn't care where i was.. how where i would end up.. just cont. until my legs fail me..
As soon as i got to chinese garden.. my legs started to give way.. but i cont. i could hear my heart beating very hard.. i could hear my breathe gettin louder and louder.. when i got home.. my legs totally numb.. and i took a short fall.. pick up myself quickly.. no wanting to lose..
please dun say.. stop lookin back.. move on.. smile.. and be happy.. words are easy to say.. if any1 loses people that made up memories that fill almost their life.. its totally different..
all i can see are darkness.. nothin else... yet i still gotta work on that smile of me.. to present.. the so called.. "ME (original)"
Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
goodbye..
preparing all that i need for tonite...
will i still hve the strength to go sch tml.. the day after.. the day after after... i seriously dunno..
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.
will i still hve the strength to go sch tml.. the day after.. the day after after... i seriously dunno..
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.
Went to ECP with ed, daryl and xiu for picnic and cycling.. bus trip was freakin long.. and surprisingly i slept.. for once.. without any fear.. picnic was good.. cycling was crazy.. very tiring.. tried to cycle all the way to changi beach but erm.. like damn far and not enuf time... not tryin to make an excuse here.. really..
After tt, we took bus to city link and decided to grab some small bites at the newly open Taiwanese Xin Wang Cafe.. its a total scam.. freakin scam shop.. xiu ordered sausage with garlic.. the waitress say.. nice nice.. when it come out.. we all stun.. its just farkin taiwan sausage la.. i tot got some special cookin to it.. but NO~ farkin the same as pasa malam la.. and the price is a rip off.. den i ordered some desert... it says.. ice lemon pudding.. wah.. come out.. got ice.. few grinded ice.. got lemon.. 2 slices.. and puddin.. tts the best part.. it became jelly.. it just looked like any ice jelly u can get from the desert shop at a kopitiam.. except... MORE ICE...
Den this waitress came along wanted to sell us the membership card.. in our head we already dun wan to come again liao.. still wan us to get membership.. so she ask.. do u all wanna sign up membership (in chinese)? instantly we all said no.. den guess wat.. she said.. 为什么? huh.. dun wan means dun wan la.. still ask.. den we reject her.. she totally ignore us and wanted to explain the details.. wah totally CMI...
Entire day was fun.. tio abit sun burn...
check out the photos here...
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=82095&id=754399614&l=1aa8c89dbf
14 days exact with "Insomia".. still counting...
If i hve to live my life this way.. den i'm not living at all.. i hve to stop this.. i hve to return myself to who i am.. i know wat may be missing.. i know now... wat i must do.. return to my fear once more.. and faced it.. if its really the end.. den i will cut all ties.. clean.. leavin nothin behind to look back..
even if it hurts 1000 times more den b4..
even if i'm hated for..
this is so for the better of us all... to walk on..
I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Will someone be there to catch me when I'm fall, or will I forever be lying with no sound at all.
After tt, we took bus to city link and decided to grab some small bites at the newly open Taiwanese Xin Wang Cafe.. its a total scam.. freakin scam shop.. xiu ordered sausage with garlic.. the waitress say.. nice nice.. when it come out.. we all stun.. its just farkin taiwan sausage la.. i tot got some special cookin to it.. but NO~ farkin the same as pasa malam la.. and the price is a rip off.. den i ordered some desert... it says.. ice lemon pudding.. wah.. come out.. got ice.. few grinded ice.. got lemon.. 2 slices.. and puddin.. tts the best part.. it became jelly.. it just looked like any ice jelly u can get from the desert shop at a kopitiam.. except... MORE ICE...
Den this waitress came along wanted to sell us the membership card.. in our head we already dun wan to come again liao.. still wan us to get membership.. so she ask.. do u all wanna sign up membership (in chinese)? instantly we all said no.. den guess wat.. she said.. 为什么? huh.. dun wan means dun wan la.. still ask.. den we reject her.. she totally ignore us and wanted to explain the details.. wah totally CMI...
Entire day was fun.. tio abit sun burn...
check out the photos here...
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=82095&id=754399614&l=1aa8c89dbf
14 days exact with "Insomia".. still counting...
If i hve to live my life this way.. den i'm not living at all.. i hve to stop this.. i hve to return myself to who i am.. i know wat may be missing.. i know now... wat i must do.. return to my fear once more.. and faced it.. if its really the end.. den i will cut all ties.. clean.. leavin nothin behind to look back..
even if it hurts 1000 times more den b4..
even if i'm hated for..
this is so for the better of us all... to walk on..
I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Will someone be there to catch me when I'm fall, or will I forever be lying with no sound at all.