Monday, June 01, 2009

1/2 the world gone..

took the ride at 8:52 PM | 0 comments
tear the whole nite.. though my pride doesn't allow me to cry.. yet.. i couldn't control those glands of mine.. blur.. watery.. tts all i noe...

not sure wat time i slept exactly.. all i know is.. i feel that i lost 1/2 of my world.. memories build thru almost ur entire life up till now... erased.. all the sudden..

i feel lost.. despair.. now i know what it feels to be empty on the inside.. yes.. i made tt final choice to do the clean cut.. but precisely i made the decision.. it has a greater impact..

Sad.. but relieved.. it felt as though 6 months of giant stone just disappear.. 6 months of fear disappear.. contradictin huh.. at least i guess i would be able to sleep tonite..

Woke up late in the morning.. late for sch.. but manage to cut down the amount of time i was late.. everythin seems so blur and grey to me.. got the sch.. manage to do work.. didn't manage to keep up the so called "usual me"..

After sch.. went cck with xiu.. had ice cream and played the candy game.. won the jackpot and gotten a soft toy with a big bag of sweets.. happy? i dunno.. i guess.. i am really "dead" on the inside.. will i slowly become more cold blooded? wat is tt kind of me like.. i really wonder... but somehow its true.. i keep feelin.. nothin matters anymore.. wateva happens ard me... is nothin more den actions/behaviour..

I keep lookin at those hands of mine... keep wondering.. are these really mine?

After cck... i got home.. and started running.. running... running.. running.. didn't care where i was.. how where i would end up.. just cont. until my legs fail me..

As soon as i got to chinese garden.. my legs started to give way.. but i cont. i could hear my heart beating very hard.. i could hear my breathe gettin louder and louder.. when i got home.. my legs totally numb.. and i took a short fall.. pick up myself quickly.. no wanting to lose..

please dun say.. stop lookin back.. move on.. smile.. and be happy.. words are easy to say.. if any1 loses people that made up memories that fill almost their life.. its totally different..

all i can see are darkness.. nothin else... yet i still gotta work on that smile of me.. to present.. the so called.. "ME (original)"

Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.

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