Crappy is what i always get from people.. crazy sometimes.. but i cant be that forever.. its like what you said.. we have our focus.. our own path.. and at some times in our life.. we change to make be a better person.. to be mature.. yes... i lack in that.. maturity.. but we learn as we grow.. and accepting things as it is and handling them in a manner or another shows how much we've grown.. The very fact that I've not been able to be emotionally strong enough to handle a lot of things just show how much more i need to improve on..
Life is like a game with a lot of stages.. and as i reflect along.. i came to open up in a lot of things.. thoughts.. feelings.. surroundings... friends.. and its like as though the door has opened.. I'm moving on to the next world.. not sure I've stepped into the world of adults or what.. but to be more realistic.. optimistic.. objective.. focus.. these are the things that i have to improve upon..
Some people say I'm too serious in my work.. but hey.. what's wrong trying my best in things i do.. I'm not smart.. not talented.. not handsome.. the only asset I have is working hard.. although some times people make fun of that.. say things about that.. although it can be real hurting.. I still take pride in it...
Although a lot of people make fun of me when i say BoA is my idol.. but they don't understand.. the effort she put in.. the courage she has.. those personalities are what attracted me.. and i still stay proud as her fan..
Not relying on others.. not influenced by others.. not hesitating.. this is it..
Went to school alone this morning.. instead of going to badminton.. i ended up doin own workout.. spending time to revise on my work.. since taking a break.. decided to blog first.. was thinking that.. in some time later.. i should stop this.. not that blogging is stupid.. but if there is something that i want to say or convey.. i want to do it properly.. not like this.. if there is something special i wan to share.. i wan to share them properly.. If there is something sad.. and i don't want people to be affected... then the more i shouldn't mention..
Very soon i'll taking up more part time... need the money for school fees etc.. don't want to be a burden for my parents.. not to say I'm very desperate but just wanna do a part as a family.. so if got any gd part time job let me know ar..
Taking a step at a time.. stress.. but excited.. i wun change.. I'm still me... Fu XianWang
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Another stage in life..
Don't really know what to put for the entry title.. decided to leave it untitled... almost one whole week never blog.. but i'm intending to say how i spent my past weeks.. all i know is.. i had laughters and sadness.. alot of sad things happened and even though i'm not directly involved but i felt sad for others.. getting more sensitive as i grow older.. but i try to stay as happy as possible in school and when i'm outside.. Each nite.. sad news just keep coming.. the effort to balance out is way alot.. one word tiring..
When i look into the mirror and see myself each day.. i feel stranger.. i'm somehow felt that i don't recognise myself much anymore.. the harder i try to do something.. the harder i fall.. and the more i feel the lost of direction...
Today finally ended zx's IS module event.. quite a bit happened.. don't really feel like typing everything.. all i can say the process isn't fun.. and its energy draining...
But.. the most energy drainin isn't getting tired out in an event..
Most drainin thing.. is the effort to understand and communicate.. don't know anyone ever have all these occurance..
You care and all that person does is ignore or find it irritatin.. u try to understand.. and that person doesn't even care.. u try to find out more.. to shoulder some of the burden.. all that happens are just 2 words reply.. in that person's eyes.. u are nothing impt.. but u still continue to try... no matter how many times u've been hurt inside.. u kept quiet and still continue to try... no matter how much that person don't understand u.. u still continue to find out more about that person..
Alot of people will say.. fan jian (asking for it).. but don't we at some point in our lives would wanna do something for someone without anything back? don't we wanna make a fool of ourselves to make that person happy?
Each rejection.. kills the heart bit by bit..
The more i try to find out.. the more i dunno.. the more it hurts.. don't really know what to do anymore.. except to continue.. to try.. to smile.. and wish for the happiness...
When i look into the mirror and see myself each day.. i feel stranger.. i'm somehow felt that i don't recognise myself much anymore.. the harder i try to do something.. the harder i fall.. and the more i feel the lost of direction...
Today finally ended zx's IS module event.. quite a bit happened.. don't really feel like typing everything.. all i can say the process isn't fun.. and its energy draining...
But.. the most energy drainin isn't getting tired out in an event..
Most drainin thing.. is the effort to understand and communicate.. don't know anyone ever have all these occurance..
You care and all that person does is ignore or find it irritatin.. u try to understand.. and that person doesn't even care.. u try to find out more.. to shoulder some of the burden.. all that happens are just 2 words reply.. in that person's eyes.. u are nothing impt.. but u still continue to try... no matter how many times u've been hurt inside.. u kept quiet and still continue to try... no matter how much that person don't understand u.. u still continue to find out more about that person..
Alot of people will say.. fan jian (asking for it).. but don't we at some point in our lives would wanna do something for someone without anything back? don't we wanna make a fool of ourselves to make that person happy?
Each rejection.. kills the heart bit by bit..
The more i try to find out.. the more i dunno.. the more it hurts.. don't really know what to do anymore.. except to continue.. to try.. to smile.. and wish for the happiness...