its been extreme long since i blog.. so i dun think anyone will read it anymore... good thin is i can keep it more quiet.. bad thin is.. no one will understand... i dun think i have the strength to think about this..
I'm feeling.. hmm.. i dun really know how to describe.. sad.. mad.. jealousy.. etc.. its a lot of those.. at a different time of cos.. if u ask me why? its most prob because i cannot c the path ahead of my life. If its stress i can handle them.. but each disappointment really makes me feel down. I try not to show.. not because i dun wan to share.. but rather i dun wan people around me to be affected. But sometimes i feel.. putting up a "mask" is becoming a habit.
School is really getting more difficult for me. Not because of the works given but rather, the amount of help i have to provide. People will come to me like LAO DA.. how to do ar.. Why like that ar.. even in prac... i have to walk around the lab helping people until its like a routine. I have to help others even when i haven finish my stuff.. a bit DUI BU QI xiu.. cos end up i like PS her to finish up.. and worse thin is people are giving comments like.. aiya someone wanna get GPA 4 mah.. if those were pointing at me.. i wouldn't mind.. cos its the truth.. but the thin is.. the arrows are pointing at xiu which makes me feel damn bad and sad. Dunno the choice to do lab work with her was a right one a not.
I'm not god.. everyone ask me for an ans.. but whenever i needed one.. who can i look for? i dunno everything.. JC doesn't teach u everything.. y dun people just try to listen and learn.. i'm not good at rejection.. i enjoy helping people.. but the way that its going.. i dunno how long can stand it... i dunno who to talk to.. dunno who to find.. every night when my dad goes to sleep.. the silent night is killing me.. losing myself.. I'm losing this war against life...
i never talk about "if".. but i just couldn't help it.. i wish u were here.. i wish i didn't make that decision to chase you off.. i wish i could be so farkin selfish to hold u tight in my arms.. but i couldn't.. we had to end.. its the only way u won't have any regrets.. its the only way to fulfill your dream.. its all over.. i always tot i moved on from that day.. but the fact is.. i didn't.. a slightest thin would bring memories back.. the harder i try to 4get.. the harder it gets.. its quite pointless to say all of this.. but i needed to face the reality.. i needed to say out.. thanks bro.. u woke me up.. though we so far apart.. u always knew what i needed and when.. i wish that u were never have to go through a life like mine.. bro.. believe me.. she is over.. I'm moving on...
because of this.. i know how important a friend is.. they were the only 2 that knew me well.. even without looking at my face.. they would know how i feel.. but they no longer by my side.. i have to struggle everything on my own. going poly.. facing high expectations.. countless of comments falling on me.. i survived those.. but the challenges get worse by the day...
xiu is finally getting better with jn.. once thins go back to normal.. more or less I'll be left by the side.. but still I'm happy for her.. its something she always wanted.. so i did whatever i could.. dun ask me y i do so much when its not even my business.. all i know is i wan to.. all i know is.. if jn can make her happy and xiu can make jn feel nice... den i will do anything to help.. i would do anything to see your smile.. xiu is getting sick.. worried here but all she needs is jn's comfort and love.. this may b a good thin for both of them.. a chance to care and concern.. a chance to rebuilt the bond... the feeling of someone always by your side is v good.. thins will go back to like it was.. jn.. just open up your feelings more.. its tiring for people to keep guessing.. you may say..den dun guess la.. but if u truly care.. u will do something..
i dun wan to be emo or what.. but i can't help it.. my heart and soul is beaten.. it will shatter soon.. someone save me.. please...
About Me
- Name: Fu XianWang
- Age: 24
- School: Ngee Ann Poly Yr 3
- Tryin to be happy always and make others happy too
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