Everlasting

Moving

2009-09-18T20:25:00.003+08:00

after weeks and months of trials... finally.. i manage to get into blogspot... actually.. i could log in.. but everytime i click on create post for this blog.. it always ends up error.. to prevent such a thin from happening.. i decided to move to a new blog at this location:

http://in-myworldtoday.blogspot.com/

2009-06-30T19:04:00.005+08:00

What do you see in the cup?

This is me right now...

Transformer.. ultimate...

2009-06-28T00:18:00.002+08:00

just now went to watch transformer: revenge of the fallen... its damn cool la! the action is alot.. the explosion is alot.. the sexiness is alot (love the lead actress.. hot)... and there's alot of comedy as well.. the movie actually tried to convey a msg.. which is abt unity among the world... and trust.. or mayb i tot the movie tried to...

after that.. went a little small picnic sort of thin.. bought food at pasa malam.. and simple drinks.. sat down near a playground.. and started the picnic.. after that.. initially wanted to buy ice cream.. but stomach is like bloated with water and food.. so decided not to.. took a small walk to a park.. wanted to just sit down and relax.. look at the sky (theres alot of stars tonite) until damn late den go home.. too bad.. rite now.. i'm like at home bloggin...

i noe i'm tired.. but again cannot sleep... but no where else to go.. no where else to stay.. so goin to stone infront of the com until i'm extremely tired.. or i'll stare at the "stars" on my ceiling.. finally tot could hve a bit of relaxation but too bad it had to end to quickly..

gotta smile................ HAPPY~~~~~~~~ i think.. mayb.. 1/2 the world is really hard to make up for.. but i'm still tryin my best to fill it up.. hopefully some1 can help me more..

Cheer up..

2009-06-26T22:24:00.005+08:00

told the truth quite some time ago.. sad to say it was very hurting.. but wats even more sad was i didn't take into account of people's feeling.. i'm such a jerk...

At that moment of time.. all i tot was how i felt and i said my feelings out very straight forward.. worse fren i can be.. haiz.. i'm like wanting to apologise so much so.. i can hardly breathe properly.. not literally of cos...

Den i decided.. wats done cannot be undone.. tried to keep the mood up.. smile.. laff.. accompany more often..

In the end.. for the past week.. we did abit of stuff.. quite crazy in fact.. cannot think cannot think... haha.. no red bull.. no orange juice...=P

so please cheer up~

Ur smile makes my day.. genuine smile of cos...

Disappointment... but no one is perfect...

2009-06-20T13:47:00.002+08:00

2 weeks nv blog.. but i can't remember exactly wat i did.. ytd was xiu's bday.. and we spend abt a week to plan.. wat to do.. surprises and present... every1 put in alot of effort.. ben did the slide show.. the girls deco her lab coat which was very nice.. and i planned the activities and deco of the lab...

Can't remember how i survive the week.. i onli remember gettin ingredient for the bakin mango cake and the little bday msg scrapbook.. which alot of ppl contributed.. thanks.. couldn't finished it without all of u.. i really like these kind of present.. cos its like a photo album.. u can keep lookin and lookin..

memories...

On D day.. we were all excited. we deco the lab.. used lightsticks to form the "happy bday monkey" and used LOTS of trash bag to make the lab very dark.. and the entire place didn't felt like a lab.. it was very nice..

After that.. we went to eat at china town.. DURIAN~~ and played bowling.. although we were all extremely tired from doin the present and surprise.. we tried to enjoy as much as we could..

In the nite.. we met xiu's sec sch fren for dinner at marina barrage.. we packed pizza.. when we were there.. it was the start of the disappointment...

There were 3 grps of people there.. 1 of the grp belongs to the poly grp.. which is the lab mates..

The moment we were there.. i felt that the girls( lab mates) were like totally neglected.. they had to like entertain themselves and they were lost la.. like dunno wat to do.. u can judge the amount by how much photos they shot in tt nite.. with xiu inside.. and how much of the moment they actually talked.. i'm not sayin xiu must be like able to accomodate every single person.. but at least be aware of who is ard and who is not..

At 1 point where we sat down and tok.. she asked.. hey who is missin.. den daryl said.. weisheng went home.. den she was like..oh ok.. she fail to realise the girls were missin and i was lookin ard for them... so i decided to call them.. and the girls were entertainin themselves at the dam.. cos they didn't noe wat to do.... PLUS THEY WERE TIRED! VERY!

The girls sacrificed alot of sleep to prepare her celebration.. WCM onli had 1 hr of sleep becos of the sewing.. the tot of them being ignore is very sad for me.. so i called and join them..

I can understand xiu needed time to settle her stuff.. but its just not rite for me.. after all.. when u think back of the amount of effort they put in.. and the amount of time they spend accompanyin xiu.. is just not rite... the girls dun deserve to be treated like tt.. and as part of the planner.. i feel even more bad for them.. which is why i went down to the dam to accompany them.. said jokes.. tryin to make the outin looked more fun.. when i asked.. u all bored? they were like.. ya.. den they say nvm la.. its her bday.. it made me feel.. unjusticed..

and seriously.. I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY ALWAYS 1 OTHER PERSON HVE TO SPOIL THE MOOD OF THE DAY.. is a bday!! NOT STRESS DAY! i'm gettin irritated by the other person who keep makin thins difficult.. and the fact she is involvin innocent ppl.. i cannot take it..

SHE CAN FARKIN HATE ME BUT I SWEAR... IF SHE INVOLVE ANOTHER INNOCENT PERSON.. I WILL MAKE IT PERSONAL..

This other person is selfish.. self centered.. to the point she dun try to understand the situation.. to the point she just dun care abt others..

FRENS GIVE AND TAKE.. FRENS ARE NOT OBJECT OF URS.. we are all humans.. we need to meet ppl new.. we need to breathe fresh air.. this is why we give in.. and we take some.. we DUN TAKE ALL

I feel damn bad for the gals.. that i dun even noe how to apologise to them.. and frankly speakin i pity xiu.. she is like a caged up person.. and no matter wat truth she say.. it always back fire.. although i lost 1/2 my world.. but hey.. it was clean.. no baggage.. but xiu's... torturous and endless.. is either she solve the prob... or as yrs goes on.. the thin will just get worse..

even until now.. i still feel bad.. abt 17 hrs the girls spend outside with her or for her thins.. and the endin is soooooo sad.. and irritatin.. got so much more to say .. but.. haiz.. seems pointless.. it all still lies with xiu.. it started with her.. she has to somehow end it.. or i can garantee... she will lose alot more on the way...

1/2 the world gone..

2009-06-01T20:52:00.002+08:00

tear the whole nite.. though my pride doesn't allow me to cry.. yet.. i couldn't control those glands of mine.. blur.. watery.. tts all i noe...

not sure wat time i slept exactly.. all i know is.. i feel that i lost 1/2 of my world.. memories build thru almost ur entire life up till now... erased.. all the sudden..

i feel lost.. despair.. now i know what it feels to be empty on the inside.. yes.. i made tt final choice to do the clean cut.. but precisely i made the decision.. it has a greater impact..

Sad.. but relieved.. it felt as though 6 months of giant stone just disappear.. 6 months of fear disappear.. contradictin huh.. at least i guess i would be able to sleep tonite..

Woke up late in the morning.. late for sch.. but manage to cut down the amount of time i was late.. everythin seems so blur and grey to me.. got the sch.. manage to do work.. didn't manage to keep up the so called "usual me"..

After sch.. went cck with xiu.. had ice cream and played the candy game.. won the jackpot and gotten a soft toy with a big bag of sweets.. happy? i dunno.. i guess.. i am really "dead" on the inside.. will i slowly become more cold blooded? wat is tt kind of me like.. i really wonder... but somehow its true.. i keep feelin.. nothin matters anymore.. wateva happens ard me... is nothin more den actions/behaviour..

I keep lookin at those hands of mine... keep wondering.. are these really mine?

After cck... i got home.. and started running.. running... running.. running.. didn't care where i was.. how where i would end up.. just cont. until my legs fail me..

As soon as i got to chinese garden.. my legs started to give way.. but i cont. i could hear my heart beating very hard.. i could hear my breathe gettin louder and louder.. when i got home.. my legs totally numb.. and i took a short fall.. pick up myself quickly.. no wanting to lose..

please dun say.. stop lookin back.. move on.. smile.. and be happy.. words are easy to say.. if any1 loses people that made up memories that fill almost their life.. its totally different..

all i can see are darkness.. nothin else... yet i still gotta work on that smile of me.. to present.. the so called.. "ME (original)"

Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.

goodbye..

2009-05-31T14:44:00.003+08:00

preparing all that i need for tonite...

will i still hve the strength to go sch tml.. the day after.. the day after after... i seriously dunno..

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.

Insomia

2009-05-31T00:29:00.004+08:00

Went to ECP with ed, daryl and xiu for picnic and cycling.. bus trip was freakin long.. and surprisingly i slept.. for once.. without any fear.. picnic was good.. cycling was crazy.. very tiring.. tried to cycle all the way to changi beach but erm.. like damn far and not enuf time... not tryin to make an excuse here.. really..

After tt, we took bus to city link and decided to grab some small bites at the newly open Taiwanese Xin Wang Cafe.. its a total scam.. freakin scam shop.. xiu ordered sausage with garlic.. the waitress say.. nice nice.. when it come out.. we all stun.. its just farkin taiwan sausage la.. i tot got some special cookin to it.. but NO~ farkin the same as pasa malam la.. and the price is a rip off.. den i ordered some desert... it says.. ice lemon pudding.. wah.. come out.. got ice.. few grinded ice.. got lemon.. 2 slices.. and puddin.. tts the best part.. it became jelly.. it just looked like any ice jelly u can get from the desert shop at a kopitiam.. except... MORE ICE...

Den this waitress came along wanted to sell us the membership card.. in our head we already dun wan to come again liao.. still wan us to get membership.. so she ask.. do u all wanna sign up membership (in chinese)? instantly we all said no.. den guess wat.. she said.. 为什么? huh.. dun wan means dun wan la.. still ask.. den we reject her.. she totally ignore us and wanted to explain the details.. wah totally CMI...

Entire day was fun.. tio abit sun burn...

check out the photos here...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=82095&id=754399614&l=1aa8c89dbf

14 days exact with "Insomia".. still counting...

If i hve to live my life this way.. den i'm not living at all.. i hve to stop this.. i hve to return myself to who i am.. i know wat may be missing.. i know now... wat i must do.. return to my fear once more.. and faced it.. if its really the end.. den i will cut all ties.. clean.. leavin nothin behind to look back..

even if it hurts 1000 times more den b4..

even if i'm hated for..

this is so for the better of us all... to walk on..

I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Will someone be there to catch me when I'm fall, or will I forever be lying with no sound at all.

alive? mayb not..

2009-05-29T22:40:00.004+08:00

270509.. the entire lab went to walk on bridges that connects various parks together.. from hort park all the way to habour front.. long day.. watch 17 again with bliss and xiu.. acc bliss home with xiu.. den went home.. was a happy day.. i guess...

its more den a week.. 13 days to be exact.. since that moment.. my eyes haven been able to shut as i like.. frankly speakin.. i'm scared.. out of the 13 days.. as fatigue sets in finally after 5, 6 hours of starin at the ceiling.. the next moment i would wake up with cold sweat..

i'm scared of flashes that run thru my mind when my eyes are shut..

i'm scared of accepting the fact..

i tried.. am still trying to move...

I chose.. still choosing to smile.. stay happy..

But y even i've decided... i'm still living with an empty soul..

Am i still alive?

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

hill climb...

2009-05-26T21:34:00.005+08:00

Another sleepless nite.. still counting.. since i wasn't able to sleep.. i got up and stick glowin stars on my ceiling.. by now.. i hve 5 zodiac constellation on my ceiling.. when i off the lights.. wah.. nice.. hahahha

today went to bukit timah hill to climb and exercise.. it was a pity that the rest decided to back out last min.. like damn sad la.. ytd nv go becos they say today wanna go.. haiz.. waste time..

Weather i dunno is consider good or bad.. by the time we got there.. it was still drizzling which made us slightly more wet besides from the sweat.. when we reachin the submit.. there was white dog following us.. den xiu got frighten.. den all the sudden she say.. omg.. the nose touching me.. ah~ i'm like.. hmm.. the onli thin behind her is me.. the dog like still quite a distance man.. hahaha.. den she turn ard and see.. wah instant paiseh.. quite funnie..

Tml goin for the walk on the long long bridge with lab mates.. hope they dun pang seh again.. need to get more glow in the dark stars.. confirm not enough.. enjoy the photos...

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.

wheel of time...

2009-05-25T19:21:00.003+08:00

been almost a week.. despite how much fun thins have happened... it seems that my time didn't really move on from that day when i see shadows moving away in different directions..

almost a week of sleepless nite.. dun even noe how i manage to stay awake in morning with onli mayb 1 or 2 hrs of sleep.. must be due to FDS training.. now body can tahan no matter how little amount of sleep i hve..

I tried to stay out to keep myself occupied but doesn't seem to work very well isn't it.. frankly speaking... i dun wanna go home early everyday.. i wanna make myself physically tired so i would naturally go to sleep and forget about everything..

today almost went to bukit timah hill.. but by the time we reach bus stop.. there was a change of plan.. dunno y.. i throw a short few sec of tantrum (dun really wanna go home yet) but i guess. throwing tantrum isn't suited for me.. i just simply can't get angry easily nor a long time...

got home to put down my thins.. went to run along the road.. didn't care where the road would lead me... didn't care how long i would run.. tryin to drain my energy off.. tryin to turn the wheel of time again...

WHEEL OF TIME PLEASE TURN.. please...

courage.. strength.. dun fail me..

stand by me...

for i dunno how much longer i can hold on to my mask..

rite now.. doin abit of ppt for ah tan.. mayb watch a little bit of Voice the jap drama... den go sleep.. if i can.. let see how long i go with 1/2 hrs of sleep everyday.. mayb i might break world record for the person with least amount of sleep.. haha..

Voice

2009-05-24T19:34:00.003+08:00

Medicine was born to save living people... but it also has the power to bring the smallest thread of voice of the dead out... not just simply knowing the truth.. but to convey the last msg that the dead couldn't say in time.. Those utilize such power are the forensic scientists...

Voice is a jap drama about a group of students who study forensic medicine.. it gave a totally different impression of wat forensic may b.. knowing the cause of death may b wat forensic is about.. but it is enough? does it means it ends there? the victims family will always hve doubts in their head which onli forensic scientists can tell them the entire story...

The drama itself is touching.. simple to understand.. what it tries to portray is not about the scientific part of it.. but the true meanin behind the job...

impressive..

birthday surprise and a day off..

2009-05-23T13:49:00.013+08:00

woooohoooo~ bliss just turn 19 today! happy bday!! since she had plans for today.. we decided to celebrate for her ytd...

for her bday we have been plannin to surprise her.. well.. she knew the 2 monkeys (me and xiu) were up to no good but she totally hve no idea wats comin~!! muahahaahha

Initially we planned to go down to icin palace at JP to make a cake for bliss.. but we heard she like the choco cake from gloria jeans and she dun like cream cakes... so rite after sch on thurs.. the lab team (meaning every1).. went down to vivo to order the cake.. too bad we were late in the order.. the cake has to be like ordered 2 to 3 days in advance... snore.. no choice.. we went to awefully chocolate to buy a plain chocolate cake with onli her name written.. den we went decorating the cake OURSELVES.. hahahaha.. looks damn cute la.. after the deco.. mayb we shld all think about 2nd career in bakery industry.. HAHA...

Oh ya.. must really apologised to ed and frens.. suppose to meet them.. but we overshot the time.. and we hve to get party items.. so ended up we nv go dinner with them.. got over to 888 near xiu's house.. got the stuff we needed.. den sotong us.. forget to print photos to deco the card..

Finally D day arrives.. monkeys got up bloody early.. and started pumpin and blowin balloons.. the pump like shit... blowing is like twice the speed man.. and i think the auntie con us.. the balloons where got 100 pieces sia.. more like 50.. oh well.. we locked 1 of the doors of the lab leavin onli the prep room door unlock.. so like force her to come from there.. den we all hide... when she got in.. the front will hve ppl popping while monkeys from behind spray strings.. wahahaha.. the lab was in a mess man

I think for the 1st time ar.. we hve party in a lab.. HAHA.. with the TSO knowing and our supervisor WATCHIN.. not onli we party.. we ate.. and drink in the lab.. totally broke ALL the rules..

After cake eatin and blah blah.. decided to go bugis makan steamboat.. eat until xiu and bliss like pregnant.. HAHA.. spend some quality time in arcade exercisin the fats off den off to vivo to watch Night In Museum 2... super funny movie.. laugh my head off.. not literally of cos.. =P makan dinner den spend some time at the roof of vivo.. den home~ like spend more den 12 hours outside playing.. HAHAHA.. totally pon sch.. pon work.. seems that this is the 1st time they celebrate a bday this way.. cool.. i believe every1 enjoyed the day alot..

Anyways photo below.. enjoy~

thank you

2009-05-18T20:57:00.002+08:00

another sleepless nite.. but thats not impt...

just puttin a simple entry to thank someone for the dry breakfast.. haha.. but.. it worth alot.. and i finished it hor.. thanks you..

Wanderer..

2009-05-17T22:35:00.002+08:00

aimlessly walk ard singapore.. tryin to cool the head off.. ended up walkin from ECP to changi.. sat down the entire day.. experiencing peace.. quietness.. tryin to find the courage and strength to face reality again.. wasn't easy neither too tough..

Although sadness within me still stays.. but at least i can move on already..

You guys were the best.. is the best and will always stay the best.. i hope our paths can cross again.. and by that time.. thins would be alot better between all of us..

haiz....

the end... part 2..

2009-05-16T22:58:00.007+08:00

D nite.. D venue.. as we always did to gather around.. but this time rd.. i wish i didn't had to come..

Being frens for soooo many years.. not just frens but best of frens.. we shared countless of memories.. we shared tears.. laughter.. fights... but most importantly.. we shared our thoughts and hearts... but why~ why do we hve to end it this way... i know for the past few yrs.. all of our relationships showed cracks.. but no matter wat happened.. we always sit together and mend that hole... why not this time?!

I know.. this isn't the 1st time that it is happening.. but why let yrs of frenship end becos of some misunderstandings?! All these yrs.. all these time... it meant somethin didn't it?! we tried so long!!! i know every1 tried to patch it up but can't we put in more effort? just a little bit more? please...................

Finally, you all decided... to walk our own seperate path..

you guys noe wat? everytime we meet.. and we said thins on our minds.. being as straight forward as we always do.. we said the meanest thins.. those did really hurt... but...

what hurts more.. was the moment when i stand alone.. watching each of ur backs leaving the place in different directions.. when each of you disappear from my sight... i realise.. this is it.. this is the end... mayb all that is left.. are memories of the past..

i feet soo lost.. as though a kid who lost his mother in a place he nv knew..

I feel so sad that i don't even noe if my heart is beatin anymore..

i feel......

like crying

To some1 else who didn't reply my msg.. sorry i hve to put you thru a very difficult time.. really..

the end... part 1..

2009-05-16T22:29:00.009+08:00

past few days isn't really happy moments.. became worse on fri.. met daryl and co. for sakae buffet at park mall.. actually.. i really wanted to back out.. but i decided mayb a break will be good b4 the moment at the nite.. it was really enjoyable but sadly.. my mind wasn't really there..sorry.. Finally, daryl they all went for a movie (which i really wanted to go) while i make my way to the "same venue" that we always meet...

B4 i go onto part 2.. i would like to put some of the photos we took at sakae.. to lighten up the mood...

broken...

2009-05-16T11:26:00.004+08:00

cannot take it anymore..

i'm broken..

bad thins just like to come all together..

struggle for so long.. so much..

can no longer feel my hands...my legs... my heart...

i can no longer breathe

take me away... as far as possible...

bleedin.....

wasted

2009-05-15T19:46:00.005+08:00

i must be an idiot or wat man... i shld hve stopped the entire thin.. haiz.. i made her went thru one of those worse moments man... i seriously need to reflect on this badly...

sorry... sorry.. sorry... sorry................................................................... even 1000 more times cannot express how i feel...

2nd Lab outing! woohooo

2009-05-12T21:52:00.011+08:00

yea.. on the 12 May 09.. we had our 2nd lab outing to flyers~~~~~ 10 bucks for a 30 min ride.. ok la.. not very ex.. but the speed of the entire thin was like quite fast leh.. the view was like so so nia.. hahaha.. we walked back to suntec after tt.. den jenny had to leave early so send her sis off at the airport..
the rest of us? we had dinner at suntec of cos.. den we went walking ard.. at carrefour~!! MUAHAHAHA.. bought jim bean to get wasted some days with ZX.... hahahaa.. yea... after walking ard..we went home.. on the way back in the train... poor CM kanna our "special treatment" again.. poke poke poke... hahaa.. den i started telling her ghost story.. MUAHAHA.. her worse nitemare.. end up we send her home.. WITH A MOTIVE.. HAAHA. to scare her even more!!
So we walked her home la.. and happily on the way i cont bullshitting.. while ZX find a moment to frighten her... hahaha... well.. the results were perfect! but frankly speaking.. bishan tt area really quite dark.. quite good for saying ghost story... HAHAHA...

Some pics at the flyer~~

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.

Happy Mothers' Day

2009-05-10T21:33:00.002+08:00

Happy mothers' day 我的老妈! And of cos to every single mother in the the world! Life would be so difficult without them..

I must confess.. i didn't do much except accompany my mum for the day.. at home.. HAHA! this is not to say i nv celebrate with her hor.. just that we had a earlier celebration since my sis flew off to australia ytd nite...

This reminded me... the 1st mother day i had when i was in JC 1.. my econ teacher actually preached us about the wonders of mothers and how we should actually take care of them.. den i always tot.. yea.. i'll work hard and pay off "my debts" when i start working.. but all of the sudden.. she made us do simple maths..

Calculate the amount of money that your parents spent on you even b4 you were physically born.. so ya.. of cos we were force to calculate.. from diapers.. to food.. to clothings.. etc.. by the time we calculated to end of primary school. it was like.. holy!!! it was so much that if we were to cont. the amount of money would MULTIPLY..

Den our teacher made us calculate... if we were to work and return those money.. how long would we take.. as soon as she finish saying.. we all realise.. even if we were making big bucks.. we can nv be in time to pay off our debts.. monetary wise..

Money isn't everythin.. our love and understanding.. is the greatest way to return the favour.. its also the same with frens.. with onli true understanding can we find everlasting moments..

我的老妈。。我爱你。。

Change

2009-05-09T22:33:00.006+08:00

Yes.. after soo long.. my blog is back with a new look.. nothin special.. nothin xtra.. just a bit of changes..

Feeling a bit stressed up with work of cos.. but well.. theres nothing i cannot handle.. but seriously needed abit of release now and then.. just to keep the smile there always.. planning to stay somewhere quiet.. and relaxing and stone.. keep the mind blank..

To my frens... stay happy.. cos when u are happy.. ppl around u will eventually feel happy.. and when ur frens are happy.. i'm sure u will feel happier too... =)

If you can't.. look for me.. i'll be glad to keep that smile up..

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

Here's a song which whenever i listen... i'll feel sort of sad.. like it seems that the lyrics touched my heart.. Mayb cos somehow i can relate to it..

Can listen to it by choosing the song from the player..

張惠妹 - 知己

還好變成了知己　起碼隨時看到你　哭泣或歡天喜地　可以陪你讓這個故事繼續　結局我們都如此好奇肯定可以一起有驚喜　魔力或奇蹟　讓它隨意上映可惜不能靠得太近但仍心存感激　好散好聚我們都慶幸一時很難去解釋這樣微妙的距離　也許我們都很滿意感情是我們一向來很尊重的事情　現在就緊緊的維繫彼此關係長大了也許對於某種感動的東西　一點點都珍惜還好變成了知己　起碼隨時看到你　哭泣或歡天喜地　可以陪你是沒有差到哪裡　相處的還算和氣　就差那一句　我愛你可惜不能靠得太近但仍心存感激　好散好聚我們都慶幸一時很難去解釋這樣微妙的距離　也許我們都很滿意感情是我們一向來很尊重的事情　現在就緊緊的維繫彼此關係長大了也許對於某種感動的東西　一點都珍惜　都得來不易比如像你

Another stage in life..

2008-07-05T16:15:00.006+08:00

Crappy is what i always get from people.. crazy sometimes.. but i cant be that forever.. its like what you said.. we have our focus.. our own path.. and at some times in our life.. we change to make be a better person.. to be mature.. yes... i lack in that.. maturity.. but we learn as we grow.. and accepting things as it is and handling them in a manner or another shows how much we've grown.. The very fact that I've not been able to be emotionally strong enough to handle a lot of things just show how much more i need to improve on..

Life is like a game with a lot of stages.. and as i reflect along.. i came to open up in a lot of things.. thoughts.. feelings.. surroundings... friends.. and its like as though the door has opened.. I'm moving on to the next world.. not sure I've stepped into the world of adults or what.. but to be more realistic.. optimistic.. objective.. focus.. these are the things that i have to improve upon..

Some people say I'm too serious in my work.. but hey.. what's wrong trying my best in things i do.. I'm not smart.. not talented.. not handsome.. the only asset I have is working hard.. although some times people make fun of that.. say things about that.. although it can be real hurting.. I still take pride in it...

Although a lot of people make fun of me when i say BoA is my idol.. but they don't understand.. the effort she put in.. the courage she has.. those personalities are what attracted me.. and i still stay proud as her fan..

Not relying on others.. not influenced by others.. not hesitating.. this is it..

Went to school alone this morning.. instead of going to badminton.. i ended up doin own workout.. spending time to revise on my work.. since taking a break.. decided to blog first.. was thinking that.. in some time later.. i should stop this.. not that blogging is stupid.. but if there is something that i want to say or convey.. i want to do it properly.. not like this.. if there is something special i wan to share.. i wan to share them properly.. If there is something sad.. and i don't want people to be affected... then the more i shouldn't mention..

Very soon i'll taking up more part time... need the money for school fees etc.. don't want to be a burden for my parents.. not to say I'm very desperate but just wanna do a part as a family.. so if got any gd part time job let me know ar..

Taking a step at a time.. stress.. but excited.. i wun change.. I'm still me... Fu XianWang

Untitled

2008-07-05T00:00:00.003+08:00

Don't really know what to put for the entry title.. decided to leave it untitled... almost one whole week never blog.. but i'm intending to say how i spent my past weeks.. all i know is.. i had laughters and sadness.. alot of sad things happened and even though i'm not directly involved but i felt sad for others.. getting more sensitive as i grow older.. but i try to stay as happy as possible in school and when i'm outside.. Each nite.. sad news just keep coming.. the effort to balance out is way alot.. one word tiring..

When i look into the mirror and see myself each day.. i feel stranger.. i'm somehow felt that i don't recognise myself much anymore.. the harder i try to do something.. the harder i fall.. and the more i feel the lost of direction...

Today finally ended zx's IS module event.. quite a bit happened.. don't really feel like typing everything.. all i can say the process isn't fun.. and its energy draining...

But.. the most energy drainin isn't getting tired out in an event..

Most drainin thing.. is the effort to understand and communicate.. don't know anyone ever have all these occurance..

You care and all that person does is ignore or find it irritatin.. u try to understand.. and that person doesn't even care.. u try to find out more.. to shoulder some of the burden.. all that happens are just 2 words reply.. in that person's eyes.. u are nothing impt.. but u still continue to try... no matter how many times u've been hurt inside.. u kept quiet and still continue to try... no matter how much that person don't understand u.. u still continue to find out more about that person..

Alot of people will say.. fan jian (asking for it).. but don't we at some point in our lives would wanna do something for someone without anything back? don't we wanna make a fool of ourselves to make that person happy?

Each rejection.. kills the heart bit by bit..

The more i try to find out.. the more i dunno.. the more it hurts.. don't really know what to do anymore.. except to continue.. to try.. to smile.. and wish for the happiness...

Deep inside..

2008-06-27T19:49:00.009+08:00

Can't believe my fever is back again.. knnbccb.. headache coming back.. and i lost my appetite even more... now i like 1 meal a day is enough for me.. power rite? Freaking cold in classroom and LTs.. feeling damn shit until i dun feel like doing anything at all.. in fact if u ask me what i was doing these few days.. i can't remember at all.. My body is like working without the mind..

Thurs suppose to have IS and due to the IS spamming of mails.. i didn't see the announcement at all. Felt damn sorry cos only like Clarine went for the lesson.. a bit like PS her.. so ya.. so sorry i really didn't know.. actually ever since school started, I'm like damn lost can? assignments not done.. got lessons dunno.. damn farking sian la...

Today finally gotta meet with teach to consult on the Bioinfo project.. like more clear of what to do.. so felt much more relieved.. ended sch early and went to buy a converse sweater.. all thanks to someone who tempted me to do so.. on the way, suddenly remembered something and talk to Anil about it.. actually it was more of a warning.. some things just cannot be told.. especially to the wrong type of people.. especially those type i hate most.. communication only limits to work.. nothing more..

Just in case there is any misunderstanding.. i'm not referring anything about the vid today... I'm perfectly fine with it..

My barriers are up.. its difficult but it has started.. whatever is going to happen is no longer my concern.. at least that's what I'm hoping for.. really hard.. think it was deeper then i thought.. but I'm trying to get out.. not just i want a breather.. but also cos I dun think I'm of any needs.. giving up ain't i? whatever you all may think... but i think I've done enough.. maybe even too much.. If there is any changes felt.. please forgive me.. but i know that deep in my heart i will still care.. self confinement..

Maybe.. one day I will tell the truth out..

One piece of advise.. don't ask for more.. for your greed is endless.. don't take things for granted.. for they are not endless...

I'm going to start mugging for the end of semester exam whenever i got the free time.. too much time spent on other things and people.. working hard for a aim at least can get rid of all emotions and unnecessary thoughts.. i believe i have grown more over this 1 year plus right after ORD.. learn a lot about myself and others.. but there is definitely more to learn..

A laughter on the outside may not be a laughter on the inside.. am i still laughing?

MEDIC~! MAN DOWN~!

2008-06-24T21:17:00.006+08:00

Ya.. i'm the one down.. not feelin so gd.. physically i mean.. haha.. gd thing i took precaution when i felt things wasn't right.. started chionging water and had cold showers to cool body temp.. ate panadols to relieve the pain and fever.. yea.. keeping myself in relax mode.. i'm winning this battle man~ SHORT and sweet battle.. will recover in a day or 2..

Unlike me.. some people just don't learn.. no medicine nvm.. still stay outside when they have the time to go back home to rest.. yaya.. don't worry.. don't worry my foot! sick for so long still like that.. are u telling me getting better? no~! obviously its not!

Pissed because some people just take "care and concern" for granted.. pissed because this headache is still around.. BUT i'm not going to be bothered with all those shit.. going to keep my head cool.. and let my body recover as fast as possible.. and get rid of all those sick feelings.. and back to kick more ass.. lol..

Today totally like nv listen in the 2 hour of lectures.. btw.. forday was sick and didn't come to sch so his lecture was cancelled.. good thing we arrived in school late.. haha.. after the lesson at 1st decided to go holland V starbucks but there was some last min changes.. so ended we go home.. i went to walk around while anil head home liao.. that was when i realised my condition moved on to another stage.. saw something along the way and without any hesitation i bought it and went home.. now much much better.. although its still within the fever range.. but yeah~ like i said b4.. I'm winning...

No~ I'm will not lose to the this farking fever~!!

Maybe its time.. its becoming hard and difficult.. like as though the air become soo thin to breathe.. suffocating..

some moments...

2008-06-23T11:42:00.005+08:00

woohoo..3 days nv blog.. haha.. what was i doing these 3 days ar?? okok.. fri i went over to granny's place to bake a so called choco pudding for xiu .. since she didn't had a bday cake.. so i felt like was incomplete.. yaya... its not exactly a cake but heck la.. haha.. as usual i camp somewhere near xiu's tuition place and yea! i shocked her this time.. haha.. ok the pudding was damn sweet and it tasted more like cake.. quite a failure i must say.. haiz..

Sat morning went to school with xiu cos she got badminton thingy.. sat outside and watched xing guang bang.. den she ended early i we went to CWP to meet jn and ate lunch.. we went home n decided to meet later in the night.. i almost going to sleep la.. den ended up i kept xiu's nephew entertained via msn web cam..hahaha.. damn cute la they all... and i think i taught one of them a cheeky thing to do.. hahaha.. yea.. met in the night and dunno y xiu emo again..

Sun spent the whole day help daphne's dad with his work.. damn tiring la.. i climb up and down dunno how many times.. and the jumpin from the tableSssssss numbed my feets.. after tt went back home to rest.. was waiting for someone's sms the whole night.. until my eye lids failed me...

Now super free la... sian diao.. haha.. tts y blogging now.. xiu today emo again.. den dun wan say anything also.. quite helpless here too.. like there's nothing i can do.. damn sian can? Past few days still not so bad.. den suddenly like this.. actually i can guess a little la..

Trying to help.. but i know the truth is.. i'm quite useless in this case.. haiz.. getting tired of waiting .. getting tired of not able to do anything.. getting sick of useless me.. wish i can go back to being a child.. when everything.. everyone.. is like a piece of pure white paper..

Standing...

2008-06-20T00:15:00.002+08:00

Today went out to sentosa with classmate to enjoy the xiu's bday.. played volleyball.. kayak and enjoyed sakae sushi.. eugene and val went back 1st.. the rest of us took our time eating.. we spend a little time at a shop in vivo before we part with xiu and ed.. i bought a sort of mini room/house thing which is freaking hard to do because the glue is not holding the pieces together..

Some people often ask why do i like to always do handcrafts.. and always give them away... well it's rather simple.. when i'm focusing on completing the thing.. i can completely forget everything.. happy or sad.. but ya.. it's mainly to make me forget all the sad things and stress.. i find peace in doing things..

The reason why i give away is because i don't know how to express my feelings well to other people.. so i give out the things i completed to others.. i hope others can feel the effort and the feeling that i treasure them..

While i doing the minitures.. i suddenly remembered the time when someone threw away the present i made which took me one month.. right on the 2nd day after his bday because he accidentally spoiled it.. when i came to know it.. i got damn depressed.. but as usual i didn't show it out.. laugh and played as usual while we were out.. but it felt as though a knife stab right through..

So slowly.. i began to recall all the things i've done.. began to think if there someone who still hold on to them dearly as if it was the 1st time they received it?

Where do i stand in people's heart?

I hate the clock ticking in my house.. i hate the quiet night when i can clearly hear the ticking.. some how.. the mood wasn't right.. end up i would always play music to cover up.. music calms me too.. i think there are still a lot of uncertainty and insercurity within me..

No pain no gain.. gotta push myself more.. gotta be stronger.. i have chosen my path.. my way.. it will be the right one.. i will make it the right one..

mission complete..

2008-06-19T00:27:00.002+08:00

Finally.. all done.. although the way that the present handed over was weird.. haha.. but who cares~!! More imptly she received it.. hope that she'll really like that present.. well.. i just thought that a better present would be memories.. something that can last until the very last day of our lives.. so came up with the plan to vid people related to xiu in some ways or another...

The process wasn't easy.. time was the 1st problem.. i was left not much time so i had to act quickly.. den the 2nd main problem was contacting people.. i had alot of problem on that.. especially arrange time and place.. 3rd was the photos.. i was digging here and there.. everywhere!! hahaha.. Lastly was the editing.. it done over and over again.. i listen to the thing countless of time..

I'm really glad that many people helped out by forking out the time to meet me.. i know many are quite busy so thanks alot people! really! But as i was glad.. i was feeling rather disappointed and sad.. there were just simply some people i cannot contact with.. at those moments.. i began to doubt whether all of this will work.. there was alot of uncertainty in the process.. but i told myself.. this is going to be the best.. i'm going to do it.. and i will complete it..

Today went with xiu and her gang for hiking trail... hahaha.. really enjoyed myself.. had lots of laughter and done alot of 2pid things.. haha.. wasted it rained.. but i was sure everyone still enjoyed alot..

Actually throughout the journey i was still worried.. dunno whether the present will work out anot.. is it good enuff? these thoughts just keep running through... at the moment she recieved.. i felt the relieved.. and all the sudden the shagness just gush in.. BUT... its worth it!

THANKS PEOPLE! I CAN NEVER COMPLETE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS & GALS!

HAPPY 18TH EGGDAY XIU! =)

learn.. accept.. move on..

2008-06-17T00:23:00.003+08:00

Had a "great" plan in mind which is tiring me out.. but am i giving up?? NO! F off.. no way i'm giving up..

Sometime its all about the mind.. if you believe you will do it.. and you will eventually make it.. alot of people like to feel..

oh man.. i'm gone..
wah liao.. sian diao la.. not goin to do well liao...
gone case.. i cmi la...

FARK! Why waste time having this kind of thoughts!? No one.. i mean NO ONE has perfect life.. every now and then we face challenges that are of different degrees.. hey... if you feel stress and low self esteem.. come on la.. there are MUCH MORE people facing even BIGGER problems everyday..

Time is not going to stop nor wait.. its not going to say.. hey its ok.. just take it slow.. certain things has happened means it is the past.. you can continue to waste MORE TIME thinking about it.. or MOVE ON! If people dun start to learn to become stronger then before.. they are not just the ones tiring out.. remember.. there are those who care and love around you.. they are also sharing your burden.. so please spare some thoughts for them.. I'm not saying that if anyone has a problem.. keep it to yourself.. but rather.. do something about it.. learn.. accept.. move on..

Seriously.. who doesn't have to face major down time.. who doesn't have to go through that part of life... ya.. you can choose to give up and stay put.. but there are those willing to help you unconditionally..

It hurts a lot.. not just because the very love ones giving up.. but when your love ones doesn't trust your helping hand.. the very fact that you cannot do anything to help.. hurts a lot.. you are not alone.. in life.. no one has to fight a battle alone.. if it ever happens.. its not because of others.. its you.. you chose for it to happen..

Just freaking throw your "luggage" away and you will be free.. don't say its hard when you haven even try.. keep trying.. until the day you die.. that's life.. if you try.. you still may have that 1% chance.. but if you never do... its confirm a 0%.. as long you don't give up.. that 1% will continue to exist.. if anything is possible.. you make it happen..

Why i talk about all of these? Cause i've been seeing too many people grieving over their failure.. while i saw one guy.. just that one guy.. continue to fight hard even after losing 2 most impt people in his life.. what makes a different between him and the rest? he still cries.. he bleeds.. he is a human.. not like he has special powers or talent.. but yet.. he has that strength to move on.. cause he accepts what has happen and work towards the future..

Future will bring me hope..

His favourite line and only source of motivation.. i respect you! People.. fight! The battle is only over when you say its over..

GUA GUA GUa Gua gua.. no more batt..

2008-06-14T17:58:00.005+08:00

Ytd was just too tiring for me to blog.. although i was online la.. but just plain lazy to blog.. haha.. meet ed earlier to get the shuttle cock and we started much earlier like 45 min more of playing? The rest were all late lor.. den KX and xiu came.. not long after.. clarine and cherie came... haha its lke their 2nd time playing only.. but not bad la.. learn quite fast... too bad they had to go off early.. Anywayz.. after 4 hours plus of badminton we went to play bball at the double court.. i'm like damn shag la.. but tts not the reason why not strength.. more like nv eat.. DEN I REMEMBERED.. 4gt to eat the food xiu bought.. anywayz.. played while den send xiu home.. tok cok on msn and knock out at 11 plus.. way too tired..

This morning i woke up feeling the ache man.. haha.. came back with my auntie and ah ma.. gotta bai my ah gong... den i started watching a jap drama.. Proposal Daisakusen... after that i went to knock out.. just woke up and decided to blog 1st.. since i dunno what time i will come back from weili's dad wake..

Synopsis

Iwase Ken and Yoshida Rei have been friends since elementary school. Ken, is obstinate and unskilled in love, but he fell long ago for the lively and cheerful, Rei. But Rei is about to get married to another man. While Ken and other friends from high-school attend the wedding ceremony, a fairy appears and sends Ken back in time, giving him a second chance to win the girl he loves.

For 14 years.. he nv confessesd his feelings.. after going back many times make things right.. at the last moment.. he finally made his confession on her wedding speech..

Very nice touching drama.. not very heavy in mood.. and i quite like one part where the fairy said something..

Ask.. And it will be given..
Seek.. And you shall find..
Knock.. And it will open to you..

In life.. instead of grieving over what has happen.. why not change to move on.. as long as we try.. even if it fails.. it doesn't matter anymore.. it is the success.. the failure that make life more interesting... but more importantly.. is we tried.. tried to make things happen..

Over 3.5 days..

2008-06-12T23:22:00.003+08:00

Finally thurs night... more den 3.5 days passed... went to K in the morning with clarine and cherie... wah seh.. they can sing man.. and the mood quite high la.. like early in the morning only lor.. hahaha.. sounds damn like my sec friends la.. all crazy people.. wasted i had to leave early cause of the interpoly forum..

Got back to sch to and got the NP staff Polo T.. freaking hot can? its not dry fit material.. and its black.. although it looks nice.. but hot la.. its like water proof la.. dunno its fire proof anot.. haha.. anyway.. 1st time wearing it.. got this weird glue smell.. wah siannnnnnnnnnn diao la.. haha.. as we approach our buses.. we looked like some kids on some field trip.. hahaha.. damn weird.. Went to NYP's sport hall and OMG~ its damn nice and big! its like got 3 basket ball court size! with air con somemore.. very nice la.. when the whole thin started.. woot.. the atmosphere damn high... it was damn fun.. hahaha.. den we split into our sub theme groups.. and played games.. for the 1st time.. i felt like throwing the shirt away.. haha.. wah liao.. the group of NP students leading the ice breaking games damn lame.. the games were worse..

Finally we divided into our own sub sub theme groups.. yes.. its sub sub... haha.. sort of like further divided into smaller groups.. so we ended up having 300 students into 12 groups with different topics to do on.. anyway.. the thin ended quite late haha..

Went one round of the mrt then i camp at the void deck of xiu's tuition block.. wanted to surprise her.. fark.. she stopped to untangle her ear piece.. crap la.. then she noticed me.. sian diao.. haven had dinner.. so went over to her house there makan.. sun bian send her home...

Happy la.. someone sms'ed.. hahaha.. 3 more days left... damn fast liao..

Gua Gua Gua~

2008-06-11T21:35:00.002+08:00

God damn i miss the duck.. not the cute mushroom duck but the laughing one.. okok..

Qn) Why did the duck wear jacket?

Ans: Cause the duck goes.. gua gua gua (cold cold cold in hokkien)

Muahahahhahahaa!! cold enough?!! muahaha.. if still dun understand go ask xiu.. she will show why.. wahahahaha....

Met xiu in the afternoon to do project den we started planning for next week.. woot.. still gotta plan some in btws.. muahahahaha.. thinking of 2pid thing again... muahahhaha... oh and i saw ed design.. woot.. nicely done man.. very nice.. quite impressed........... BUT U SHLD HVE DONE UR PROJECT 1ST! faster go check ur deadline la...

Anywayz.. since we got some time to waste after working.. we went to book KTV room.. dunno why have to seperate.. quite waste money sia.. party world is like paid by room size one lor.. so the more people the cheaper.. sian diao... not my decision either.. after that we went to sport hall to book court and we slacked there while xiu type nicely for her 18th plan.. was about to go play some ball.. then 1/2 way.. the 2pid mushroom duck got stomach ache.. lol.. shld hve seen her face in the cab.. damn funnie la.. her posture.. her actions.. LOL.. can tell she really on the verge liao.. haha.. somemore reach home can sms me " Omg. This is heaven............ Uh... :)" Pengz ar..

Went granny place to put my barang barang.. then met the xiu at CWP to have dinner with yi mian.. yes.. 1 noodle.. NO LA~ its a guy's name.. talk cok awhile then we left.. Grab ice cream and slack until xiu's house.. and she irritated me man.. arg~ TML is more den 1/2 the week! k*^^%##@$&$%$%

HOooOoOoOo HoooOOOOo.. need to cool down.. anywayz.. tml got the inter poly forum.. the start of the commitment.. hope i can pull through this.. 3rd day almost down.. 4 more to go..

Oh ya.. morning received weili's sms.. his dad just passed away.. i was like shocked.. at 6 am in the morning.. immediately called him to check out.. his voice abit trembling.. not sure is the shagness or the sadness.. so i didn't bother to ask more.. smsed the guys but like only few returned my sms.. wtf man.. so this evening i called one by one to confirm.. ended up.. out of the list.. only abt 5 confirm coming.. someone can even say go out.. go with who? friends.. go where? i dunno.. WTH~ like whats more impt lor.. haiz..

Heck la.. i'm just going to do my part as a friend as thats it.. weili.. be strong ar.. i know you can...

Entertaining duck..

2008-06-10T23:32:00.002+08:00

Yea.. said i would start the new day nice.. hahaha.. but i 4gt to mention the 1st entertaining news.. i fell from my bed when i was trying to get up.. den i almost fell into the toilet bowl twice in the day.. woot... am i lucky or what.. lol.. went for the briefing for the inter poly forum and omg.. it seriously need a lot of commitment.. still thinking should i continue with it? but it sounds fun also leh.. hahaha.. think i just carry on la hor..

After sch went to Toy R Us to buy the mac set.. for presentation.. haha going to make it a special one.. then as i walk pass the soft toy section.. I SAW IT.. the laughing duck.. hahaha.. instantly i pick up and start playing.. damn funnie.. loved the laughter.. so i started searching for a newer one.. then i realise quite a bit of people staring at me.. haha.. i finally saw one right at the back.. behind a so called partition.. so i started digging it out.. woot.. more people stared.. they must be thinking what this retard doing.. especially since i got a Mac set toy beside me.. took the soft toy and chiong to the counter.. the lady at the counter like stared at me for a sec also.. crap man.. big guy cannot buy toy meh~ i want some childhood cannot ar.. lol.. someone still say i childish.. but ok la.. once a while childish is worth it.. haha..

Brought home my toys and i damn loved pressing the duck to hear the laughter.. =P i got punked by my house clock.. its like 20 min slower and my dad didn't tell me lor.. ended up i was late meeting the guys at sembawang... decided to go CWP roam around.. ok la.. not exactly roam but to give the duck to the duck? =P met xiu bought big mocha.. went to 515 to meet KX they all.. heard they damn shock to see xiu's new hair.. hahaha.. gd thing i not 1st time see my girl friends in that kind of hair.. if not i think i heart attack also liao..

Hope the laughing duck can last you for the week.. cute mushroom duck.. haha.. 2nd day passing.. 5 more days to go.. =)

Lets restart..

2008-06-10T10:54:00.004+08:00

OK! From today on.. going to start everything all over one more time.. no more complains.. no more whining.. haha.. a bit sudden.. but i want to get back to my usual self.. yea.. started out the day by doing something 2pid.. was on the impulse.. haha.. must be damn scary for that person..

Went to run and had a cold shower.. felt damn refresh.. like anything is possible.. hehehehe.. my next victim has been located.. hahaha.. beware... i can go nuts any moment and do 2pid things.. hahaha.. now watching some old cock hong kong vampire show.. haha.. also watching smiling pasta.. =P later have to prepare to go school for some briefing for inter poly forum.. a bit kan jiong ar.. cause dunno what it is about.. also dunno what we going to do.. think the thurs one even more kan jiong.. going to meet people from other schools.. haha..

Thought clarine didn't like friendster.. shock to see an email from friendster saying clarine adding me.. i was like.. eh? even went to c the profile the double check.. haha... too bad.. i hardly use friendster anymore.. =P

Smile people.. the nutcase on the move again... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

5am.. WTH AM I DOING

2008-06-10T04:57:00.004+08:00

ok.. 5am in the morning... just woke up from a not so nice sleep... cannot get back to sleep.. lay on the bed and tried getting some.. but simply couldn't.. mind when blank out for the moment and started to refresh with things that happened these few weeks...

Realised that I've been really insensitive.. done a lot of things that shouldn't be done.. or at the wrong timing.. so many things to correct.. so many things to find back.. i dunno what the hell I'm doing.. i think so much about my probs and neglected those around me.. i dunno what else to say..

The thought of ytd was the worse.. suppose to entertain xiu to let her feel time will pass by quickly.. ended up she tried to entertain me.. "ha".. what else can i say.. I'm the worse.. even till the last sec of the day.. nothing good came out.. NOTHING.. I'm the worse piece of *toot*.. seriously.. i suck..

Chest pain again.. but nothing beats the pain from "inside"

Right now.. just stoning.. stared at the screen for like 10 min and i don't know what else i can comment.. maybe.. don't try to know me.. i don't worth all those time? I'm a goner..

Almost 6am.. going to go back try to sleep..

Wind...

2008-06-09T22:35:00.006+08:00

Ytd had the most BLANK day.. did nothing except bball.. bball from 9am in the morning all the way to 8pm... it was good in the way... my mind was blank.. didn't had to think of anything.. anyone.. went too far to the extend that my wrist almost injured.. think I'm no longer as good as b4 when regardless of the amount of training.. nothing will bring me down.. didn't wanted to watch movie or go for any dinner.. but i decided to do so.. since it was the last night jn in SG until one week later... on msn.. she told me to do some things.. which i think I'm no longer needed to fulfil.. not that i don't want to do.. just that.. i don't think i'm needed.. which i think is true..

Went on with the 1st plan of the week.. get some new clothing.. met anil in the middle of shopping.. den when changi airport for a hair cut... went to tampines shopping centre to walk around and waste time.. finally home..

2 probs.. twice the blow...

(1) Fark you bastard.. don't ever call me anymore.. you betrayed me.. my trust.. i believe soooo much in you.. but you lied.. again and again.. even when the rest said no.. it can't be.. i still believed.. I'm a complete idiot.. but guess I'm not too late to come back to reality..

(2) I believe i finally know what the weird feelings were.. it was what i feared most.. and what i couldn't believe most.. I'm lost.. not knowing what to do since i knew the truth.. the feelings are suffocating me.. but even if i make the attempt.. nothing good will come out.. especially its no longer possible.. in fact.. i think nothing could have started.. i really dunno i can hang on a not.. but i made my promise since that day.. i will do what i can.. don't ask me when it started.. it could be very very very long ago.. but the feelings just grew that strong now..

This reminds me of what someone used to be dear to me said...

“你像一阵风。明明感觉得到你却抓不住你。有时候根本猜不透你在想些什么。”

She said something else too.. which is a bit hard to say out.. but i finally know what she meant..

“我像一阵风。一个明明人们能感觉得到却看也看不到，摸也摸不到的风。人们的眼里是看不到风的。风会悄悄地来悄悄地去。没有人会知道他的存在。”

In a way.. she is right.. maybe.. maybe its time.. for the wind.. to move on..

The harder i hold.. the more suffocating it is.. if its hard to see the back.. den move until i don't see anything and keep on moving.. till the right moment for me to stop..

The end...

2008-06-07T22:32:00.007+08:00

Not in the mood for anything.. headache is killing me.. lack of sleep is killing me.. eyes are watery.. i tried as hard as i could for the day.. tried doing a lot of things not to think about it.. done singing.. washing clothes.. clean the house.. but it isn't enough... my energy is running out.. my mind is broken down...

Today.. just isn't a day for me.. i hate today.. someone precious to me moved on.. on this day.. years back..

i miss you.. i miss your loud voice.. i miss your cooking.. wish that i can hold your hands one more time.. when you whisper strength into me.. just as i needed them.. when your strict loud voice become so warm and calm... eyes are getting heavier.. visions getting blur..

Think i said the worse things to some people.. sorry.. i have no excuse nor reason for it.. all i can say is sorry.. must have hurt.. i'm sorry.. right now.. it's hurting me a lot more.. really sorry for being such a jerk...

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...

Screw it Woohoo

2008-06-06T22:53:00.003+08:00

Today finally finished my last paper in the morning~ woohoo~~ ended early so we went canteen 1 sit sit talk talk.. haha.. xiu they all left 1st.. den left me and anil stoning waiting for ed.. for what? ITS BADMINTON TIME~ hahaha.. went queensway shopping centre and had our rackets restring.. den we head down to clementi sports hall~ woot.. we were early and we heck! we just find an empty court and started playing.. damn shag can.. like hours of moving around.. really burnt a lot of Cal.. hahaha.. going to have another round on fri.. i think.. haha with clarine and her sis this time.. well she jio me go ktv must return with something.. otherwise like very weird.. haha.. think i not making sense..

Exams over and holiday is here!! So many things to do.. projects.. inter poly forum.. most impt.. PLAY~ hahaha.. this time round must gather every1 and have a good drink at a good place... haha.. anyway got 2 ppl treating.. WHAHAHAHAHA.. *evil grin*

Haha.. jokes over la.. really need to reflect through what went wrong these few months.. think quite a lot of things happened.. even studies also a bit not into form.. i need to make a lot of improvement.. enjoying is part of the life.. but.. this isn't what i aiming for when i come to poly.. i have a lot of expectation to see to.. a lot of critics to endure.. the thought of not making it through really scares me.. in fact.. i sometimes even have nightmares about failing my exams and stuffs.. stress? Yea.. if i think about it.. the stress will come.. good thing i tend to forget this very fast.. and JC really trained me up in stress management.. haha.. taking things easy for now..

Getting rojak feelings for the past 2 weeks.. like i also not sure what I'm feeling.. a bit lost on what i actually want also.. Arg~! I hate this kind of uncertainty.. having prob sleeping also.. think its because of this shit "rojak" i getting.. i'm obviously tired.. but every time i lay on my bed my eyes will stare at the ceiling and my mind will go blank.. ytd nite was the same... but xiu keep chasing me off msn to sleep... so i went to lie down.. ended up the same thing.. manage to fell asleep at about 3am.. when am i going to have a proper sleep?

Anyway.. jn going cheena liao.. so sad.. but think someone more sad then i.. hahaha.. gals.. dun saded ar.. dun think about it and very fast 1 week will pass by.. oh ya.. sun bian buy me some things leh.. hahaha.. no snakes and rats ar~ going to get my bball back so i start some training again.. inspired by the sec sch bball matches this afternoon.. haha.. still preferred the JC matches.. the kick is there..

Right now my eye lids are heavy but i still having sleeping prob.. watching animes and shit things to kill time.. can't wait for tml's dinner.. celebrating father's day.. woot~

That's When I Love You

2008-06-05T22:12:00.002+08:00

Today paper was not too bad.. anywayz.. was revising for tml's paper in the lib when i heard this song by Asyln.. That's When I Love You.. the moment i heard it.. had a special feeling for the song.. now its ringing in my mind like Mariah Carey's I Stay In Love..

The song is simple and sweet.. which i think its not easy.. sometimes the simplest song has the best way to express certain feelings and connect to the people listening.. After tml's paper.. go restring badminton racket.. den play a full 3 hours badminton to release all the energy.. Sun.. may b go down heng's house and start practicing 2 points shooting.. target.. 1000 balls.. just like old times.. haha...

Still enjoying the song..

Aslyn lyrics - That's When I Love You

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love youI love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,When I love you no matter what
No matter what

Life is unfair...

2008-06-04T23:15:00.002+08:00

My friend was just complainin how much life is unfair.. i felt that.. it never was.. had it been fair.. then my journey through life would be a lot more simple.. but hell no.. its damn rough.. too many ups and down..

Well my friend has been putting a lot of effort in many things.. for school, work, friends and family.. but when things doesn't seem to be returning.. it felt as though the efforts are for nothing.. i know how you felt my friend.. sometimes a simple reply that may sound so insignificant or a joke to others is very hurting.. actually.. what is really wanted.. is just to be realized that you are there.. not to realize how much credit you should have.. just simply knowing you are there.. but when your existence is like as if not known.. it really isn't very nice..

But.. my friend.. if you don't put in the effort.. mayb you wun even have wat u have now.. i really do know what you going through.. cos like what you said.. we are the same kind.. which is why you tok to me about it.. we are just plain idiots... welcome to the family.. =P

Don't ask for what the world can do for you.. ask what u can do for the world.. a very old saying.. still remember? hahaha.. well we not that noble.. so just keep it to people around us.. yea.. i know its not the sadness you really facin through.. but rather.. the fear.. as things gets better for others.. yours may not be moving.. you push others .. but u got no one to push you.. slowly you are distanced.. ya.. been through it.. still going through it too =) Alot of people say i got nothing to fear.. there's one.. we fear because we give more then we can.. and it somehow becomes scary (not sure how to explain) all i can say is.. sometimes we gotta put our feelings aside and do whats right no matter how complex our feelings may be..

Just be who you are.. someday.. someone.. will find you.. or you will find that person that he/she will hold on to you or vice versa.. just open up your eyes a little more.. you may realize that person is close.. and when you ever do find it.. may b.. you would say life is fair... don't gif up.. =)

Is that moment near for me too?

Shadow...

2008-06-03T23:01:00.006+08:00

As usual went to study for CA.. haha exam period bo bian.. den 1/2 way thru ed smsed.. we met him for lunch.. den service xiu's phone at the nokia service centre.. den we went to rp to slack a bit... send xiu to yew tee and again slack awhile until its time for her tuition.. den i went AMK hub to meet ang.. treat him to dinner and we had a good talk.. best part.. CASH IS IN.. woot.. have to make good use of the money.. =P after a super filling dinner.. went home..

Along the way.. someone called... had some prob and needed someone to tok to.. since i was free anyway.. spent my time on the phone.. this friend of mine (no names mentioned.. haha) like heart broken.. he had this very close GF.. she was the best.. help him with studies and washes clothes and stuff.. but because every time she enjoyed what he cooked.. he made meals for her.. seeing her smile each time made he really happy.. but one day.. his mum was coming over (he is staying alone in rented flat).. since he had no time.. he asked his GF to cook.. but on that day.. she didn't.. his mum was furious after the waiting.. they went out to eat.. and soon after.. everything broke down.. because of the disappointment.. they broke up.. but he still likes her a lot..

Recently he met her.. he noticed that she was drinking extremely bitter black coffee.. at that moment he realize something.. she lost her sense of taste.. he asked her. .and she replied "finally you noticed" her current BF realize it within weeks... and love her a lot.. my friend explained that he love her too.. but she replied "You love me for the love i gave you.. it was never really me"

This made me thought.. some times.. we really forget to see, to feel, to understand those around us.. we are blinded at a lot of times.. we believe we know everything.. but maybe.. the ones that we don't understand the most are those right beside us.. when i think back and try to see how much i know about my old friends.. i realize though they are the few closest to me.. i don't really know much about them.. as least not as much as what i knew b4.. really woke me up..

At times, I'm not the one neglecting.. but the one neglected.. of course it hurts.. it hurts a lot.. to be left alone each time.. but each time i see that he/she is happy.. it doesn't really matter anymore.. what's more important is the smiles of those i treasure.. i realize that's how I've been living my life.. it's tough, tiring and sometimes sad i must say.. to move behind when they don't need me and push when they needed the support.. every moment is a challenge.. everyday is a torture.. but still... I'm loving it.. cause.. every smile that i see.. adds energy to my life.. if u ever ask me do i wanna change.. i wan to.. to become even stronger.. to be able to support more people.. yes.. I'm a complete idiot.. but thats how a complete idiot lives his life.. =)

.
Who will find me within the shadows of many.. who will adopt me...
.

Killer Paper..

2008-06-02T22:14:00.002+08:00

Today woke up early to revise more.. den met xiu and anil for lunch.. den go study abit again.. make the last struggle b4 entering the LT for our paper.. and man... IT WAS HELL~~ i was like so uncertain with all my ans man.. its the 1st time i felt it this way.. i cannot understand how his marks are allocated.. fark! i hate INAC.. not because of the subject itself.. but because of the lecturer.. 1st time i condemn a teacher that much.. seriously.. i demand a change of teacher.. although we made our complains to module head but doesn't seems to be working.. crap...

Hell with the paper.. its ok.. and i dun wan to be bothered by it.. at least i noe 2 other papers i have the chance to score.. need to focus.. went over to woodlands after school.. since the guys wanted to stay to study so i left school with xiu.. anyway.. they also ended up playing.. hahaha.. while on the way we decided to pop by RP to gif jn the sleeping bag.. so went over xiu's house den to RP.. its like damn nice la.. fully air con.. best part.. the equipments and stuffs are all brand new.. lots of slacking areas too.. went to the sports complex.. although not very big but at least got some standard la.. not like NP one.. the basketball court was indoor one.. damn nice too.. crap.. arg.. envy.. hahaha.. i onli wan the court.. hahaha.. anyway.. xiu and i was like outside the court dunno wat to do.. haha den we stare and stare hoping jn will see us.. tried many attempts but failed.. haha.. so finally i decided.. told xiu to let me wear her shoes so i can go in the court to pass it to her (no shoe cannot enter.. its a rule..).. xiu was scared of the crowds so i went in lor.. finally pass it to her liao sia.. haha we wasted quite a bit of time.. anyway went back home liao..

Was on msn.. den xiu say let me c somethin surprising.. and god i was surprise.. surprisingly see something very nice.. xiu in dress.. and it suits her la.. really really nice.. she showed me using web cam (don't think dirty ar.. haha..).. special service onli i got.. haha.. preferred to see it live in person man..hahaha she sent 2 photos too.. really nice.. she should really try getting some on her own.. told her a couple of times liao.. all i get is.. BLEH... hahahahaha.. thats sooo her.. haha..

Hope that this holiday come faster.. can go get new shirts and pants.. woot.. but the holiday also got alot of things to do.. sob sob.. at least it will be real packed.. jn going to china.. pray nothing happens at all.. sun bian get me some local things.. hahahaha.. =P

Muggin period..

2008-06-01T22:20:00.002+08:00

Went to lib again to study.. and the librarian was like asking me and xiu friends a not.. as soon as i replied yes.. she made us move inside to save 2 seats for other people to use.. like no diff also lor.. our lappy taking a lot of space lor.. but i moved cause they were like staring and waiting.. snore.. ya.. not long after.. wah really got a couple come and sit.. sian diao.. the guy was like shaking damn violently la.. the whole table was like practically having an earthquake.. tried to take a nap.. but that fellow shake shake shake until i cannot really rest.. snore..

After revising we decided to play a bit of arcarde to destress and sat down somewhere to study a bit while waiting for jn.. went to queensway shopping centre together with KX and TM to accompany jn to get some stuffs... spend quite a long time there and inspired me to buy new clothings sia.. hahahaha.. shall start shopping as soon as exam end.. haha.. after that went for dinner.. and tata.. i'm homed.. but still need to continue to mug for tml's paper.. sian.. back to mugging...

too many passives to make the world turn

2008-05-31T23:48:00.001+08:00

Ytd while i was on my way to meet a fren.. dear xinda called.. haha he had the most interesting emergency.. he planned a gathering which in the end many of them fly kite.. so he called so that there would be 4 people to play cranium.. i don't really like that game cause my language sux.. but ok la.. he needed me and 10 yrs of friendship.. i chiong down as fast as i could from yew tee.. really enjoyed the game.. made quite a fool out of ourselves.. got home quite late and woke up damn early this morning...

Lucky my dad was home.. and he long bang me to lib to study.. quite productive.. manage to clear INAC exercises.. went to eat botak jones and played a bit of relac relac bball .. haha v fun also.. the day ended quite well until i got home.. hand itchy.. saw some thins.. and realise there are more things happening then it seems..

the road is getting rough(not mine though).. suspicion.. disappointment.. unhappiness.. happens that the related group of people are passive people.. a lot of times they don't speak whats in their mind.. and wait for thins to happen.. some can "announce" it in word forms and not verbally.. announce liao just stay put.. like.. ok..as if thins will move.. if really bothered.. just say so.. try to understand why its happening... no one is in any wrong... don't say not bothered or don't care.. if you don't.. then feelings wouldn't be expressed out in words.. come on man.. time doesn't wait.. time doesn't care... but all of us do.. be active.. initiate.. speak out loud and make the world turn again...

And chill off people.. don't just follow your feelings.. have the trust been lowered to that much? think about it people.. learn to think and not feel.. learn to understand and not just see.. open up.. and all will realise there is something more then any1 can believe..

Yea.. if too chim.. let me noe.. lol.. i say simpler manner... no one is perfect... peace...

when the clock strike 12..

2008-05-30T00:52:00.002+08:00

Its almost an hour pass 12am... which means to say.. 24 hours have passed.. still the call i long waited didn't come.. i expected a high prob that this would happen.. but the thought of it is unbearable.. morning till the movie time i totally no mood.. tried doing more things to forget it.. but my heart still beats for it.. although AEM was alot of fun.. but the fun soon dies off from me.. by evening time i knew that things wouldn't moved.. but the time that i gave was up to 12am.. so i decided to continue to wait.. as the time ticked.. my heart slowly dies down.. but.. i was glad that i watch the movie.. with 2 great person somemore.. it was alot of fun.. which took away some of the pain...

Speaking of the movie.. the strangest thing was that while xiu, jn and i went to get mac so that we can smuggle into the cinema.. we met clarine and her sis.. best part.. both of them are jn's primary school friends.. i was like.. wth~ then we went straight into the cinema.. not long after i sat down.. i heard a familiar voice.. i turned and look.. FARK.. my cousin! lol.. and he knows clarine and her sis.. he says that they got go his house b4 and i should have seen them b4 liao.. ok.. after the movie i though abt it.. i think they were the twins that i saw at one of the dinner.. not very sure either.. the world is seriously very small.. fate i would say... haha

I always believe that as long one works hard for it.. miracle will happen.. but not this time.. it was the same as b4.. the harder i try.. the harder i fall.. but I've learnt to accept and endure.. losing my faith but working to persevere... enjoyed my day... glowing thing.. haha.. will get it for some1's bday.. er hem.. =P

Disturbing sleep....

2008-05-28T19:36:00.005+08:00

7.36pm now and i started blogging already... its been so long since i reach home this early.. suppose to met someone at woodland but decided not to go.. cause i needed the rest... today xiu seems a lot happier.. and of cos i know the reason.. had a conflicting feeling.. but nvm.. more important is that she smiling...

Ytd night was horrible.. went to sleep at about 12 plus.. but i ended up lying on the bed for 4 hours.. i couldn't sleep.. there is this restless and frustrating feeling within me.. this time round i really dunno why its happening.. one of good friend told me... something is bothering me.. but what? Even i myself don't know the cause of this.. 4 hours.. i stared at the constellation on the ceiling.. many things run through my mind.. happy.. sad.. angry.. disappointment.. the more i try not to think.. the more they flash across..

Finally! I manage to fell asleep at 4 am.. but my journey doesn't end there... every year.. i will have this weird dream.. seriously.. its a dream i had it since primary school.. the dream goes like... i find myself running through series of door.. but not matter how many i open.. I'm always stuck inside the place.. its like a maze.. there is something I'm looking for.. but each time I'm close to the end.. the dream just ended.. in the dream.. it was like only 5 to 10 min... but i have slept for 3 hours..

Supposedly I'm immune to it.. its no longer scary.. but each year when it comes a few times.. it slowly became very disturbing for me.. how can anyone keep reoccurring the same dream for so many years? can any1 tell me what the hell is going on? weirdest thing is that.. usually one will forget a dream content very quickly... but each time i had it.. i can always clearly remember it.. so i ended up didn't get a lot of rest.. tml got AEM programme... hope its fun.. and hopefully the movie at 7pm is enjoyable...

SMILE GAL SMILE~~~ sorry... i really dunno what else i can do... even though i know i can't be that smiling factor.. but I'll try... idiots need to think to work... =P just need to know.. whenever u need a hand.. a shoulder.. a leg.. an ass.. lol.. kidding.. just turn back and i'll be there... =)

what to do...

2008-05-27T23:25:00.003+08:00

Suppose to wake up super early to do my dip plus hw.. ended up sleepin late again.. haha.. but i still manage to finish my tutorial.. met xiu, anil and daryl for lunch.. xiu like still a bit emo.. today INAC i totally never listen at all.. spend my time playing dumb games.. feel so sinful.. worse thing INAC paper is like on next monday.. crap..

After school went for dip plus lesson.. and it ended early with more hws then b4.. kaoz.. we manage to bargain to hand in the hw later hahaha.. cool.. after that.. i went to woodland for tuition.. by the time i left school.. xiu and ed already started to eat... so i decided just go woodgrove and eat something.. eating alone is really much easier to find a space to sit down.. but a but mafan... cos i got laptop and stuff.. since i was early.. i took my time to eat and stone once in a while.. den finally i went to gif tuition...

Decided to wait for xiu at woodland mrt.. wanted to walk her home.. cos she is like still a bit emo.. but she chased me off.. haha.. sian lor..still dunno what to do to cheer her up.. really become 2pid liao.. what to do~

EBD - Extreme Badminton Day!

2008-05-26T23:22:00.002+08:00

Ytd was like freaking tired to blog.. sleep at 4 am in the morning and woke up like in 3 hrs time.. woot.. den went down woodland lib and studied.. biochem and mobio not too bad.. still can handle.. haha.. now worried for INAC.. dunno what the hell that ass teaching.. no idea what will be out too.. crap..

This morning i reach school early again and i was damn damn tired.. i literally fell asleep outside the Coop.. had a morning mobio practical which we made a lot of noise haha.. we were going crazy.. think its due to the lack of sleep man.. 1/2 way thru the eugene go bao to xiu to teacher saying she not going the 4 pm lecture.. while their at it.. i confess to teacher that i not going to.. i say because i respect him.. so i inform him about it.. haha.. i repeated the confession a 2nd time while we having lunch together.. haha.. crap around and tried digging out info for CA man.. haha... too bad we got nothing out from him.. he keep saying he haven set the paper yet so he dunno.. haha..

Anyway.. after forday's tutorial.. daryl and i went down to woodland sports hall to play badminton with ed and xiu.. wah~ play until damn shioooook sia.. hahaha.... enjoyed it man.. then after that jn come.. i partner her and we played against xiu and ed.. although we lost la.. but we lose like by only 1 point each time man.. not too bad ar.. especially jn dun play badminton one... we played until leg tired.. but if no one say stop ar.. i think i will continue.. hahaha.. my bball frens always say once i start playing.. i dunno how to stop one.. hahaha.. i think quite true.. cause i'm enjoying mah.. what to do...

Had dinner at LJS and we went home.. send xiu home 1st.. then call to disturb jn.. hahaha.. anyway.. when i reach home.. xiu confess she also a bit emo when i told her my friend's nick damn emo.. dunno why when she emo.. i also will feel a bit emo.. emo also don't suit her.. the crazy and funnie you is the best.. bring a lot of fun.. must smile.. i know its hard at times.. but even a little bit also will lighten your mood a bit.. i also dunno what to say or do to help.. i'm such a big idiot.. but i think she no mood could be she tired liao.. she also slept in the lab in this morning b4 practical lesson start.. so suggested she go sleep and have a good dream.. haha..

Anyway going to sleep soon too.. gotta wake up early to do my dip plus tutorial.. sux man..

farking worse day of the week

2008-05-25T02:11:00.004+08:00

oh great its like 2.12am in the morning and i'm farking stuck at my laptop.. why?? U ASKING ME WHY? oh.. i got nothing better to do so i decided to get myself deprived of sleep! hoho... so cool huh.. FARK YOU! i had to recover my farking OS and i lost every single shit programmes that i need for school and entertainment.. xiu was playin fark it by eason.. and i was like.. oooo i should listen to that~ hey guess what.. MY FARKING FOLDERS ARE EMPTY! cool huh... __

Was sick ytd and couldn't go for badminton today.. stuck at my farking house for the whole day.. and now this! WTF man.. if i don't add a single farking vulgarity in each sentences.. it farking can't show how farking pissed i am! got no one to disturb.. not allow to disturb anyone.. ok fine~!! i'll be farking quiet~ so quiet that you all farking won't realised i'm there.. that should make everyone farking happy~ __ __ already things are bad.. and all the farking programmes still gif me alot of farking problems... farking window update getting failed updates... farking msn cannot fully install everything.. tell you what.. FARK IT MAN!

Now i have to spend my farking time going down to school service centre to help me install all the farking programmes i'm still lacking.. yayayaya... its time i should sleep huh.. FARK! TRY SLEEPING THIS! imaginG...FARKING IMAGINE.. everything you have.. you need its gone! How the fark you going to sleep! If you lose your farking wallet with all your money and farking cards or u lost ur farking phone will all your contacts.. can u farking sleep!!!? the onli thing i can be glad of is i dun need to spend my farking money to get a farking OS cd to install.. weee.. i'm "soOoOoOOOO'" farking happy~~~ ................................ __

These few weeks have been farking rough for me... just let me go to hell with all the FARKs..

EDITED*

Now is like 3.27 am in the farking morning.. and i have to keep restarting my farking lappy cos the window update couldn't handle so many farking updates at one time.. my mum woke up and all she ever said is .. its mid nite and you are wasting my electricity.. WTF? not i want to one lor.. fark~ she never bother to ask why just shoot me and go back to her sleep.. fark up! feeling worse now..

Just Ranting..

2008-05-23T20:27:00.004+08:00

today got up with bad start of the day.. didn't purposely wake up late.. my head was spinning i wasn't feeling too right.. couldn't really wake up.. somehow i manage to force myself out of the bed.. checked my temperature and hell i was having slight fever.. wanted to skip school.. but its like 3 hours of practical that i need to make up.. not so good idea.. and i also don't bear to PS xiu.. plus her assignment worksheet is with me.. so final decision.. go school..

Right at the beginning of school.. still not so bad.. can tahan.. but after that during the biochem lecture.. things changed.. the people behind were extremely noisy and i was like trying to figure out what doc forday was saying.. already not feeling well.. cannot concentrate... ccb behind still make noise.. if don't want to listen can don't come lecture la! KNN..

Its seriously irritating each time people don't try and start asking for help.. always making noise in the lecture then never listen.. then keep complaining don't understand..FARK! Is really don't understand or never try to understand.. even if don't feel like listening.. can farking shut up anot! CA coming liao still like that... if want to be slacker also be considerate for others la.. GROW UP PLEASE.. STOP PROCRASTINATING AND START TO BE CONSTRUCTIVE... when i look at the LT.. the front few rows were like damn focus while the behind farking noisy.. wish i was sitting there up front.. but oh well.. what the heck..

Really wanted to say that out.. but i'm feeling weak.. after the lecture.. i couldn't stand it anymore.. i just walk right out of the LT.. wanted to just go straight to the tables outside the Lab and do revision but doesn't seems too good to be that way... waited for them to come out and told them i not eating.. damn.. no appetite to eat anyway..

Outside the Lab was good.. cool breeze and the quietness really lighten my condition.. manage to do 1 paper.. got permission to go into lab early which was even better.. even more quiet.. especially when the guys are done eating.. the 1 hour plus of peace is what i needed.. xiu smsed like asking i ok a not.. to be frank... its a mixed.. at that time i'm ok.. but it's not really alright though.. still felt irritated.. sry gal if u felt that i was like attitude.. sry i made you felt bored in practical and bioinfo lesson...

After school... still no appetite.. but xiu was like.. "today you never eat anything.. better go buy some food to eat" ok lor. .bought mixed vegetable rice to makan.. which filled my stomach.. played saboteur after school while waiting for ed and xiu's friend.. manage to entertain them a little bit.. =) otherwise keep showing restless face to xiu not very nice.. after that we left off.. i drop by JP to buy panadol.. headache coming in.. pop 2 into my mouth and walk home.. on the way i went drop by to see whether the guys were playing bball.. yes they were.. haha.. shiok.. went to sweat out.. and indeed.. this trick always work.. panadol plus extreme sweating works very well.. but still feeling weak.. so decided to go back home..

arg~~ just feel like ranting off.. got this irritated feeling inside me that i want to get rid.. just like what val said.. today i'm not me.. most prob is because i'm not feeling well .. but i know largely is still the lecture shit... don't expect me to help or what if you don't put in effort to learn.. don't expect me to teach if you interrupt me from learning.. cause i cannot since i can't even understand due to you.. bloody peasants..

ranting over.. time to be me again.. chilling out.. oh ya.. money finally coming me.. yeah~ 2pid duck.. got money for your present liao.. =) Jn seems to be having quite a lot of stress.. don't keep worrying.. just do your best and never say die.. as long you put in 100% then you will never have regrets.. thats more important..

Keep 4getting to thank lek.. she read my blog and cheer me up.. thanks... 10 years of friend is not for nothing.. haha.. really appreciate it..ok gotta go mug a bit then can watch some funny vids.. tml no training.. only got free play.. shiok.. going to go early to "book" court.. haha..

cold sweat...

2008-05-22T23:03:00.002+08:00

Didn't felt like blogging ytd cos i was having this extreme stomach flu.. ytd some things happened along the way to woodland.. which made me worried very long.. thinking what went wrong.. decided to walk from granny's house to woodland mrt.. and my flu just step in like that.. it slowly got worse in the train.. i was having cold sweat.. its like the air con is blasting and i'm still sweating.. as i was walking home.. my stomach started to ache.. which was like hell painful.. glad that this morning its alright liao..

Planned to wake up early to run and get to school for revision in the library.. but i woke up late.. still manage to get my run.. but i reach sch like almost 12pm.. couldn't book a study room.. so bo bian went to those individual table to study.. I was like waiting for Ed's sms and he was waiting for mine.. so end up we never meet.. i decided to stay at the 3rd floor of the lib to study in case xiu coming to study.. which ended up never... but its ok.. i think was rather focus.. except when i was taking break and chatting on msn..

HT and zak were like damn irritating.. one keep saying rubbish.. pure rubbish.. while the other keep spamming letters .. i was like ARG~~ anyway if they do that one more time i block them liao.. maybe i should tell them about it 1st.. let them know what they were doing isn't very fun for others..

Met ed and xiu in school in the evening to root for xiu and samatha's double match.. ya.. glad ed came along.. can send the BAI KA xiu home.. haha.. good thing her leg gotten much much better.. relieved.. seeing the doc was a right choice.. yea.. so many people walk over again.. kinda sian.. samatha manage to play 2 matches only and xiu only played one which was a easy win.. if u ask me.. i think its kinda of boring.. hahaha.. anyway this sat should be all the nice matches cos its the semi and the finals.. so ya.. exciting.. =) took a bite at cheers and went home..

oh ya.. ytd when jn called me i was like shock! at 1st i was thinking who is this man.. sounds familiar but no impression.. den the 1st thing she said was like...

"want to eat western food a not?"

"western food? at this time?" - i thought..

haha then after that she reviewed to me who she was then i realize.. haha 2pid me.. exam coming.. and i'm like not prepared at all.. sian sia.. i need work harder..

long day...

2008-05-20T22:39:00.002+08:00

Got up early this morning and went for a run.. then i went down to xiu's house to bring her to school.. quite worried for her leg. Anyway.. when i saw it.. felt more relieved.. not as bad as it seems.. the swell is small and walking looks normal... ya.. went to school together and met daryl for lunch..

Had only biochem and INAC lecture.. biochem was fine.. den comes INAC.. again got people taking our row.. so bo bian we went to sit further behind.. but i think it was a bad choice.. anil they all very noisy.. then plus the lecture already quite noisy i could hardly hear what the lecturer saying.. felt a little irritated..

After the INAC.. went to accompany xiu.. help her dress her pig leg.. hahaa.. but i my skill really sux to the core.. not very nice at all.. sorry ar.. hahaha.. went to sit sit relax.. the court was like still booked for S & W so no badminton Com members were there.. felt like kanna cheated.. daryl also PS us.. say nice nice come and support one.. end up also go home.

xiu played mixed double and manage to have a easy victory in the 1st round... but i could already tell her leg is like hurting.. but i cannot tell her to stop... cos even for me.. i injured also will try to play.. better to try and lose then never do anything and lose.. she lost the 2nd round though.. actually can win one.. the opponent was like damn kan jiong.. giving a lot of points.. but KW like not playing to the fullest.. after the whole thing.. he explain his family got prob.. so we like forgive him.. hahaha..

still quite worried for the pig leg.. after the match it did swell a bit.. but not v serious yet.. tml bring the pig leg to c doc.. hopefully it will get better for the thursday woman double.. good luck!

Jn.. dun worry too much.. just do your best.. i know how disappointment can be a real killer for our confidence.. but things could be worse.. as long as you put in everything you got.. you won't have any regrets and thats more important.. believe.. and you won 1/2 the battle already.. chill gal..

10 hours of sleep.. woohoo

2008-05-19T21:42:00.002+08:00

Like the topic said.. i had 10 hours of sleep.. haha.. i think i will still be laying dead on the bed if not for mum screaming at me. My lunch and breakfast became a 2 in 1 meal. Felt drowsy at 1st.. went to on my lappy and start disturbing people.. wasn't making a lot of sense in my chats.. haha.. sooo having too much sleep isn't a good thing... HT msn me..

"Hey, u know how to do assignment 3?" - She

"Dunno" - Me

"He got go through this in lecture?" - She

"Dunno" - Me

"Dunno Dunno Dunno" - She

Like wtf! You also sat in the lectures what. What he went through u dunno meh? Why everything ask me? Ok.. i held on and ignored her. Don't want to flare so much. Xiu went for tuition and after disturbing Jn awhile i go play Call of Duty. Kaoz... felt dizzy after playing.. the motion is too much for me.. hahaha.. after gaming went to study.. mid afternoon i decided to check out how was xiu doing with her tuition... soon after.. i made a big choice.. i called up one of my long lost friend.. and asked.. how was she doing over there..

"You heartless bastard.. now den ask"

I didn't what to say.. all i ever said was.. sorry.. anyway.. i'm glad she is doing very well.. now my heart feels a lot a lot lighter then before. Like everything has really come to an end.. i went back to study... suppose to meet army bros to makan dinner one.. but my mum like forgot and cooked my share.. sorry bros.. not i wan to PS one.. my mum really have STM.. that night she asked me the same qn more den 3 times within 5 min.. snore..

Came online at around 8 plus.. and here come HT again.. She freaking asked me the same qn again.. i this time buay tahan liao.. i tell her..

"dunno means dunno.. you all damn funnie la.. got teacher dun ask" She was like saying friends can ask 1st mah.. den i was like.. crap.. u asked me once already.. she was really getting on my nerves.. good thing i had a lot of rest.. so i can hold back a lot of things.. i think if it was like 2 days ago.. she would have gotten it from me..

sometimes my friend would like scold me.. he say.. can you stop helping people around a not... your shoulder just keep getting more burden.. sorry bro.. i know you meant well.. but if i ever stop then that wouldn't be me..

Tomorrow will be the start of my battle.. 2 weeks battle all the way to CA.. started a bit later then usual.. hopefully.. i wouldn't be affected by anything within these 2 weeks..

too much sushi can kill...

2008-05-18T23:15:00.003+08:00

kan suay.. morning wake up early.. go wash up.. after that i was like.. WHERE THE HELL IS MY SPECS.. i like spend 30 min finding my specs.. for a short moment i tot maybe my dad took it.. BUT.. damn heng.. i found it like stuck between some paper bags..

Quickly changed and went to woodland library to study. i got there like 9.30 and initially there was like v little people.. i queue up and woot.. after like 10 min.. behind me was a bunch of "hungry geeks" lol.. kidding nia.. i must believe in karma.. lol.. anyway.. met xiu and studied.. FOR A SHORT WHILE... =P not in the mood to study.. so i spend quite some time watching.. who's line is it anyway.. luv that damn show man... make me laff until my mouth numb especially when i have to hold everything in lor (remember i was in the lib)..

Left the lib in the afternoon and i waited somewhere near xiu's house.. played dota for the hr while she go shower and change at her house.. den we went to grab some food.. xiu like treat me to sushi.. knn one.. treat me 8- 9 sushi at 4 plus.. i eat until i wanna die.. but ok la.. although a bit full.. but i still finished it.. xiu went to beach cycling with jn's family.. wooohooo... think it should be quite fun. haha..

on my way home.. i received a sms.. like telling me my previous post damn emo la.. i was.. omg.. someone read that post.. and the best thin i just posted it ytd.. shock.. i think jn read it also.. otherwise she wouldn't have sms'ed me.. double the shock...

thanks for the concern.. but if wan me immediately stop emo.. a bit hard.. there is like too many thins on my mind BUT it will end soon.. i went through the toughest time.. i think i should be able to pull through this too.. my heart was broken for years.. what else could be worse then that.. haha.. at least now i can really relax and look back at the past already.. please give me some time.. short one.. =P

Sometimes i wonder.. did i really like the song "I Stay In Love" by Mariah Carey or i like it cause i relate it to my past.. i seriously dunno.. but i like listened to the song for more den 50 times within these 2 days.. i put it on a repeat and the song just keep going and going.. the song isn't something great.. but the feel is there... i dunno how many can understand.. but its just the feel.. nothing more.. no words can really describe that feeling... its really subjective to how good a song is.. like anil dun really find it nice.. while i do.. ya.. maybe its like wat xiu said.. he didn't had the experience so its hard for him to relate...

Today is relaxing... a short break for a longer journey.. another challenge coming soon.. CA.. kaoz.. need to work hard liao... pray that everything goes well.. hope that xiu can win the NP open.. wish that jn's load will lighten..

save me.... please....

2008-05-17T22:54:00.004+08:00

its been extreme long since i blog.. so i dun think anyone will read it anymore... good thin is i can keep it more quiet.. bad thin is.. no one will understand... i dun think i have the strength to think about this..

I'm feeling.. hmm.. i dun really know how to describe.. sad.. mad.. jealousy.. etc.. its a lot of those.. at a different time of cos.. if u ask me why? its most prob because i cannot c the path ahead of my life. If its stress i can handle them.. but each disappointment really makes me feel down. I try not to show.. not because i dun wan to share.. but rather i dun wan people around me to be affected. But sometimes i feel.. putting up a "mask" is becoming a habit.

School is really getting more difficult for me. Not because of the works given but rather, the amount of help i have to provide. People will come to me like LAO DA.. how to do ar.. Why like that ar.. even in prac... i have to walk around the lab helping people until its like a routine. I have to help others even when i haven finish my stuff.. a bit DUI BU QI xiu.. cos end up i like PS her to finish up.. and worse thin is people are giving comments like.. aiya someone wanna get GPA 4 mah.. if those were pointing at me.. i wouldn't mind.. cos its the truth.. but the thin is.. the arrows are pointing at xiu which makes me feel damn bad and sad. Dunno the choice to do lab work with her was a right one a not.

I'm not god.. everyone ask me for an ans.. but whenever i needed one.. who can i look for? i dunno everything.. JC doesn't teach u everything.. y dun people just try to listen and learn.. i'm not good at rejection.. i enjoy helping people.. but the way that its going.. i dunno how long can stand it... i dunno who to talk to.. dunno who to find.. every night when my dad goes to sleep.. the silent night is killing me.. losing myself.. I'm losing this war against life...

i never talk about "if".. but i just couldn't help it.. i wish u were here.. i wish i didn't make that decision to chase you off.. i wish i could be so farkin selfish to hold u tight in my arms.. but i couldn't.. we had to end.. its the only way u won't have any regrets.. its the only way to fulfill your dream.. its all over.. i always tot i moved on from that day.. but the fact is.. i didn't.. a slightest thin would bring memories back.. the harder i try to 4get.. the harder it gets.. its quite pointless to say all of this.. but i needed to face the reality.. i needed to say out.. thanks bro.. u woke me up.. though we so far apart.. u always knew what i needed and when.. i wish that u were never have to go through a life like mine.. bro.. believe me.. she is over.. I'm moving on...

because of this.. i know how important a friend is.. they were the only 2 that knew me well.. even without looking at my face.. they would know how i feel.. but they no longer by my side.. i have to struggle everything on my own. going poly.. facing high expectations.. countless of comments falling on me.. i survived those.. but the challenges get worse by the day...

xiu is finally getting better with jn.. once thins go back to normal.. more or less I'll be left by the side.. but still I'm happy for her.. its something she always wanted.. so i did whatever i could.. dun ask me y i do so much when its not even my business.. all i know is i wan to.. all i know is.. if jn can make her happy and xiu can make jn feel nice... den i will do anything to help.. i would do anything to see your smile.. xiu is getting sick.. worried here but all she needs is jn's comfort and love.. this may b a good thin for both of them.. a chance to care and concern.. a chance to rebuilt the bond... the feeling of someone always by your side is v good.. thins will go back to like it was.. jn.. just open up your feelings more.. its tiring for people to keep guessing.. you may say..den dun guess la.. but if u truly care.. u will do something..

i dun wan to be emo or what.. but i can't help it.. my heart and soul is beaten.. it will shatter soon.. someone save me.. please...

emotion...

2008-03-03T08:47:00.002+08:00

Now is 847 am.. got to sch freakin early.. meanin i had to wake up freakin early too... recently i beginnin to feel tired.. gettin up super early for various reasons.. sch.. driving lesson.. outing... oh ya.. speakin of outin.. hvin one bbq this wed with classmates but its like the whole thin runnin by 2/3 ppl.. the thin is the main organiser like nv plan properly.. more like last min thin..

Sec sch frens' bbq so far is always the best.. everyone divides work nicely and we are all quite enthu abt it... this time round like everyone waiting for somethin to happen which i find it crappy.. some1 suggested gettin food from some catering .. which i dun understand y we shld.. isn't the preparation and plannin suppose to be part of the fun thin? i mean.. i had alot of fun even though its like quite tedious.. but i mean every1 is goin thru the same thin so its ok..

Still remember the times had chatels.. we would always accompany the girls to IMM to get the food den they would take the cab to the chatel.. the guys would carry the rest and take bus to the chatel.. it was always a grp thin.. anyway.. mayb i gettin abit irriatated due to lack of sleep..

gotta lesson startin soon...

New Try New Failure

2008-02-28T23:15:00.002+08:00

Ok.. ytd was cool.. i tried a new dish.. but ended up the ginger taste too strong.. i used chicken breast meet and the taste wasn't gd.. well chicken breast meet always turn out "more dry" den drum stick. So ya~ i'm gonna do it again with another new dish..

Went out today to watch movie with xiu , ed and their fren gab... we watched Juno.. and i find it pretty funnie and warming. But i feel that many guys wun really like it cos...

1) certain funnie parts are found in the way the actor and actress speaks. (even i had some prob understandin it) but i definitely enjoyed they way they used their expressions.

2) the feelin was more towards the gals... mayb cos the story focus was on actress and even the narrate was her. Den again.. her expressions in her conversation and terms she used are like abit "girl tok" type.

But~ ok la.. i admit... some part i was abit dozin off.. haha.. the onli thin lackin abt the show was the music.. it didn't create enuff warm feelin when it shld.. end of movie.. went daiso.. get some thins for xiu's new parrot.. prayin hard tt the parrot doesn't die.. no offends.. but ya.. lol.. i mean.. xiu has no experience.. and she when she start playin with parrots at anil's house.. she abit dunno how to control one... so.. i guess i better start doin some prayers.. lol.. after tt.. got home.. went for dinner with parents.. came back.. showered.. did my tutorials.. and man~ it was killin me.. so freakin difficult to do.. knn...

oh ya.. i took up drivin lessons and i really hope to get my license as soon as possible.. ya.. so i'm prayin on tt too..

need to sleep~ damn tired... killed lots of brain cells...

1st official day of sch holiday

2008-02-25T13:38:00.002+08:00

WAHAHAHA... today is suppose to be the 1st day of the official holiday and wat was i doin rite early in the mornin? GO BACK TO SCH~~ wahahaha.. sounds abit sad huh... gotta go back sch early in the mornin for a dip plus programme that last 3 hrs each session. Ok la.. not too bad for the 1st lesson.. i tot we were goin to do nothin since we got no textbook nor notes. We had lessons and the 3 hrs didn't seem too long.. the saddest thin is tt.. I HAD TO SPEND 50 BUCKS TO GET THE FREAKIN TEXTBOOK! i'm like gettin poorer and tml i goin to apply for drivin lessons.. snore.. spendin even more money... no job .. no income.. output > input.. gone~ lol.. suppose to go out makan claypot with xiu and anil den go watch movie one.. but.. xiu say she not free.. snore.. i tot we agreed on it last thurs? sometimes i feel tt u r like avoidin everythin.. dunno y.. cos u nv seem wanna share ur feelins.. mayb we r not worthy enuff to noe.. not tt u need to tell us everythin.. but at least share ur inner feelins.. sian.. got home now.. eatin cup noodles.. goin to go thru today's lesson and prepare my recipe for tml cookin (self learnin.. lol) must learn how to prepare a full meal... need a temp job man.. kaoz..

$$$$$$$ flyin~~~

Start of a new holiday

2008-02-23T13:00:00.002+08:00

Exam is finally over!! it ended like on 210208, 0345 hr.. lol.. after tt.. went to play pool a little den abit of arcade and headed home. ytd went to to aloha resort at pasir ris for weili's bday party. Woot~~ we got stuck at PIE for like an hr lor.. we left at 6pm, went to get present for him and pick up roy at clementi. So no choice hve to go back PIE. Wah the jam was like SHIT ~ manage to get out if PIE and went by CTE den TPE. We like reach there 9 pm lor.. kaoz.. spend hb was like bladder goin to burst liao.. hahaha.. by the time we got there.. kaoz.. almost nothin to eat.. anyway.. alot of weili's fren went home at abt 10.30 like tt... damn sad.. after they left the whole place quite empty onli left 2 grps of guys.. LOL.. anyway su and i went over changi V and bought some dinner cum supper and some drinks also. Ang was like saded also.. he brought his shivas ended up weili's fren kope the whole thin.. he moment he took it out.. he nv get to c it again.. hahhaha.... we chit chat tok cok while eatin den went to play mahjong until abt 4am. Weili damn swey.. he every yr bday play mahjong lose money one.. su was like speedin on the way home.. haha.. 160km/hr ..woot.. there a sharp down slope while exitin to woodland.. the car literally flew man.. ouch! think the suspension gotta hurt.. got home abt 5 and instant knock out.

Now is like 1.15pm. Gottal think wat i wanna do for these holiday. For the 1st time.. i'm abit lost and unprepared. Few thins i wanna do:
1) BBQ (east coast)
2) sentosa - play beach volley ball
3) cycling - sounds lame but ya.. tts wat i wanna do best is nite cycling.. woot..
4) discovery centre - heard the changes there quite major.
5) Go for driving lessons - this one no prob
6) Go for a relax drink with buddies

Anythin fun or crazy.. i'm on! Get ur butts out of ur chair and invite me! =P

*abit worried for my results*

Midst of CNY

2008-02-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

okok.. its already the 6th day of the lunar chinese new yr.. been really enjoyin myself for the past few days.

After the micro lab paper.. went out with classmate to soul garden for reunion lunch.. haha.. damn.. wanted to go sakae sushi one.. kaoz.. no promotion for mornin or early lunch. But we had fun la.. after tt.. the nite reunion dinner was gd~~ i manage to shou shui until like 6am.. woot.. not too bad liao hor. haha.. wanted to tahan till 7am.. but i was like almost dead..

On the 1st.. went temple pray 1st.. spent my whole mornin there.. den went granny's place in the afternoon. 2nd day i went out again.. played one whole day.. was like damn shag due to the lack of sleep for the past few days.. haha..

3rd day was like cousins' gathering.. cos we all felt that recent yrs the not all cousins met each so we decided to do another dinner at my granny's place. Basically the place instantly become movie theatre and gambling den... LOL..

4th day went out with edmund and xiu to pula ubin.. wah seh.. i waited like almost an hr for them at tampiness.. snore.. partly thanks to my 2pid prank.. i woke up early.. recieved xiu's sms.. den decided to prank her say i just woke up.. she didn't reply.. little tt i noe.. edmund really nv wake up!! xiu tot we all goin to be late so stayed at home 1st until i called her (i'm like 1/2 way thru the journey liao..snore) Yea.. so we met like at hr late.. went to eat some breakfast den made our way to the jetty.. We cycled the entire isle and man.. it was damn xiong.. especially the eastern part (towards and away from chek jawa) kaoz.. the slope damn power sia.. lol.. but after tt it was ok.. left in afternoon.. took bus from tamp to yishun.. which was freakin 2 hr long.. really snore~~~~ really made used of the time tt day man.. haha..

ytd was crap.. woke up late.. all the late nites were killin me.. studied abit got tired.. den went to sleep again.. den woke up to finish watchin taiwan drama.. romantic princess.. not bad.. slept and spent most of my time today revisin microbio.. crap man.. saw the past yr paper and got demoralised.. well at least i finish my summary notes for microbio.. and later i will try really to attempt the past yr papers... gd luck to me... need to work hard.. tml goin out.. 5 meal course!! here i come~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!

burning midnite oil

2008-02-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

woohooo... after today's physio test.. i'm hvin my microbio prac test tml AND.. I'M SCREWED. now is like 11pm and i haven started.. worse thin, tml the test is at 8.30 am.. KAOZ... this bloody reminds me of yjc.. the time when burnin midnite oil is very common.. dunno i still can tahan this kind of life anot.. ANYWAYZz.. my plan for the nite and mornin.. haha..

1) study until 4 am
2) sleep until 5 plus ( most prob in the living room)
3) wake up and have real cold shower to wake myself up
4) dad send me sch early. ( like reachin sch at 7am) and revise

LETS DO IT BABY~ i need strength! i need power!! i need YOU!!!!!

MY MILO~!!!! heh..

Once again..

2008-02-04T17:50:00.000+08:00

Ok... cos exam is real close.. so basically, lessons are almost over.. in fact.. this mornin went of 2 hours of IPC and i find it a waste of time.. except for the video about transition metals. I feel that our lecturer (shall not mention name) is quite bad at teaching. Its not about the way he speaks.. but the way he explain thins. For me, i'm quite ok with it but thats due to the fact i hve studied these stuffs b4... when he starts to explain.. sometimes the depth is not there.. while some times.. he say too indepth.. so like alot of ppl dun understand. Worse thin, the way he do his lectures is really borin.. well.. at least he is not the worse i've seen.. haha

After tt lecture i left sch.. and once again.. i'm suppose to go xiu's house to revise physio. Left sch early but she had to go out with her mum 1st.. so i ended up goin home 1st. Had lunch and made my way to her house.. so basically we revised thru.. all tt is left is c how much she can remember.. ok... she is helpin her mum the dinner.. hopefully everythin will be FINE.. lol.. just kiddin la.. must hve more faith.. i think.. lol.. ok la.. she is not doin the cookin.. lol.. so it shld be fine... =P lalalala

WAHAHAHA

2008-02-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHA... goin mad real soon, xmas and new yr is finally over.. and exam is comin real soon. Kaoz.. worse of all.. its after CNY. Wth... cannot enjoy to to fullest man..

I decided to take an xtra cert for chemistry and lessons starts in the 1st week of the holiday in late feb.. woohoo.. cool man.. just when i'm hvin lessons.. my buddies are required to go back to chervon for some call up shit.. lol.. and the whole thing last for 5 hrs.. how bad can that be man..haha...

kk.. i gotta go back mugging... and the nice xiu invited me to her house to study and treated me to dinner.. now she went to cook whipped potato for me.. WHAHAHAHA... y?? COS SHE HAS BEEN TORTURING ME ALL THESE TIMES!! need to post fast b4 she sees this part..WHAHAHAHAH

Pre Xmas Xmas Party =P

2007-12-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

Woot.. ytd met up with some JC fren who i have not seen for a long time.. all thanks to my army vocation. Each time they meet up, i had duties to do... kaoz... we met in the evenin beginning with 4 of us onli.. so we over coffee shop near daniel's house to eat 1st.. den we went over to his house to stay over.... although we didn't do alot but it was damn fun.. we played stacko.. uno.. den had gift xchange 1st den we watch a movie... after that we played mahjong all the way till breakfast time.. waahahaha.. crap.. and i lost 5 bucks.. haha.. ee hui damn lucky.. e onli girl playing and she won the most.. well.. at least i didn't get any punishment for stacko since i managed to escape from it.. haha... been a while since i had so much laughter.. its a pity some last min couldn't make it.. otherwise it would be better.. after mahjong we went for breakfast at Mac.. we sat awhile and chatted b4 we all left (daniel they all buay tahan need to sleep liao.. lol) so i went over to granny's house cos they celebratin her bday.. sms'ed some1 and got my reply late.. for some reason.. my sms'ed hasn't been replied.. call not picked up.. not returned.. from that person.. nothin much that i can do.. slept awhile in the mornin and played with my cousins in thruout all way.. feelin damn sleepy now.. haha.. must be the lack of sleep and Gd food for the party makin me all feel too gd for sleepin.. and sooo thats wat i'm gonna do~ sleep~ =P

Term Break

2007-12-19T12:21:00.000+08:00

Finally exam is over and term break is here.. was really relieved abt it.. after the exam was over.. there were lots of thins done.. 1stly rite after the exam, my friends and i went out to city hall cos anil needs a hair cut.. den we went ard suntec shoppin.. Sat and sun was a little bit more packed.. i went help out with xiu's father to sell off Zoo's ticket den Sun nite i went over sis's house to watch 2 great soccer match.. hardly got any sleep.. and ytd.. we went out to watch Golden Compass.. to my surprise.. it was quite boring... the story line is rather not too bad.. but somehow.. it wasn't exciting... its way too plain for me but anil love it.. hmm.. i wonder y also.. after the movie.. we went to tcc to hve a drink and after tt wei sheng dash off (as usual.. =P) SOOoOOo we decided to go Vivo to walk ard.. and xiu bought a toy.. ya.. A TOY.. =P anyway.. 1/2 way thru i recieve some disturbing sms.. it really shut me off the nite.. i was tryin v hard not to think abt it.. but i couldn't.. but i dunno wat to do.. in fact.. i dun even noe wat i wan.. i just feel.. confused.. and this confusion is makin me feel frustrated.. the more i think.. the more tired i get... i'm beginnin to feel that i dun understand myself anymore.. for the past few months.. there are thins that happen and each time.. i get a xtremely different feelin... thins that i tot i wun mind at all are buggin me.. thins that i tot that i will be happy with are actually not... its weird and i dun like it.. CONFUSION

Reflection

2007-12-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

Today went playing paint with dale, yao yong , yi fan and xiu (e onli gal). It was damn fun.. but painful at the same time. Each group will play 2 rounds and each round consists of 2 halfs.. if we onli win 1 half den we will onli get 1 point. If we win 1 full round, that would be 3 points. Team with highest point will win. Unfortunately we came in with a tie with another group at 4 points. The 1st round was abit chaotic cos some of my friend didn't noe wat to do. But the 2nd round was darn gd. We had v gd team work and manage to win that full round. Had some slight injuries but really enjoyed myself.

Reflection isn't abt the above but rather abt ppl. From the last entry.. i was tokin abt my friend and her best friend relationship sour. The weirdest thin isn't abt the cool war.. but rather wat has been done. When i asked her abt wats done.. she just kept quiet and ans with nodes and shakes.

Friendship. What is it? Companion? Sense of belonging? Sense of identity? If u call someone ur friend. What does it mean? To me.. it doesn't matter wat he done b4 or wat his background is. Friendship cannot be replaced. BUT! True friendship doesn't built on words but trust. Trust built thru many events.. trust often fail not becos there isn't enuff understanding but becos none of the side is willing to hold on to it. We can onli truely understand other people thru many events. When 2 person fall out, no one willin to make ammendments and both will start to feel disappointed with each other. "So this is the real him/her" thats the 1st tot comes in mind. "Fine. i can do without him/her" the 2nd step and eventually everythin falls.

Everyones often say they noe what they hve to treasure.. but most of us are wrong. We nv noe who or wat to treasure until we loses it. Onli thru real experience then our foolishness will be wash off. To you... wat is your friend(name) to u? thats the 1st qn that every single one of us shld ask. Many of us takes thin for granted and thats human nature. If we ever lose somethin impt.. we ourselves are the onli one to blame. Look around.. ask urself wats this person to you.. wat hve u done for him/her... wat has he/she done for you... and u may realise that you neglected alot of thins. Dun live with regrets.. regrets will always be nothin more den painful memories and sadness.

~Unexpected~

2007-12-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

One thin abt life that i luv and hate most is how unpredictable it can be. When u tot everythin is gone.. u realise its a start of another gd. When u r at cloud 9.. 1 sec and it can send u straight to hell 9.. it is this unforseen circumstances that made life full of surprises.. and the tot abt it makes me feel that i wan to move on to tml.. i wanna noe what r the thins i can make it happen. Of cos.. in my mind i was onl thinkin abt gd stuffs.. but in reality.. one wrong word/step can make a big impact.

A gd friend of mine was hvin probs.. Bf bday falls on the same day as her best friend. She chose her bf over her best friend for that day (btw.. her best friend told her it was alrite) Unexpectly.. her bf decided a place where her best friends and the remainin gang are meetin.. not exact location but same shoppin mall.. EVEN MORE UNEXPECTLY.. the gang went to the exact spot where she was.. initially everythin was fine.. but.. thins took a turn.. for a reason or another.. the gang was unhappy abt it.. and made a fuss... and it sour the r/s btw my friend and her best friend.. i dun understand the rational for their actions... i dun even understand y both grp can't get together to celebrate.. i feel that y is it that a celebration that is suppose to be happy can turn out to be so bad

My friend was down.. few days later.. rite in a middle of a lecture, her bf sms'ed her callin for a break up... i noe she is shock and she dunno wat to do.. she handed over her phone to me and i sms'ed back.. with generousity.. at that moment i was really sick.. flu and fever was settin in.. but i still decided to go bowlin with her and another friend.. i can c that she is tryin not to be bothered but once in a moment when i look at her and i knew she is still depress.. though she not showin out.. worse thin... on the same day her friend sms'ed her sayin that her bf also wans to break up with her..

WTF IS GOIN ON.. is there a routine? the thin is.. i dun understand y this bf of my friend can't personally speak to her.. there are thins that shld be said out and not just text it out.. is he even serious in the 1st place? though i feel like sayin him.. but i'm not in any position to do so.. if there is any1 that is bad.. i'm the 1st..

CA is comin and mayb all the studies and activities can wash her mind abit.. Sry girl.. i was really too sick to send u home that day.. that moment was my limit already.. hope ya feelin better.. and hope that i can get better from my flu and it..

Move on

2007-11-26T18:10:00.000+08:00

Its almost a week... though sometimes when i think abt it it hurts i hve decided to move on... i tot that no one wld eva read my blog again since i stop for a long period of time.. but i was wrong.. at least 1 person read and she gave me comfort... thanks alot.. but thins like tt.. i hve to overcome it myself.. when i preparin a video presentation for my physiology i realise wat a fool i hve been.. there are ppl out there findin hope and strugglin to live.. and me? i am just wastin my time being depress. 1 litre of tears.. it was this that made me stronger in my beliefs.. rite now.. it is wat that picked me out from that darkness.. although it wasn't complete.. but at least i hve e courage to move on. I may b hidin from it or runnin away.. so be it.. i wanna hang on to my beliefs.. at least thats wat i feel is most impt to me now.

BoA just new single is out.. i really like one of the song.. "Smile again" when i listen to it.. at the same time rememberin 1 litre of tears.. i really find strength to move on.. time will heal.. it may take 1 day.. 1 week.. 1 month or even longer.. but it doesn't matter anymore.. wat matter is wat do i wan to do.. wat can i do.. i no longer ask for any returns.. just hope tt happiness will stay even if mine no longer exist...

Mask

2007-11-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

I tot i would nv face another darkness.. yet it came.. life is full of surprise.. pain.. joy... its like a road with alot of junctions.. at each junction u will nv noe who u will meet what will happen. You may find urself at a dead end and take another turn in the previous junction. Just when u tot all is smooth.. u end up in another dead end. Somehow.. i'm managin it.. it still hurts.. but its alright.. i can hold it.. i can even smile at it.. i can laff.. can play along.. but is this really wat i wan? so wat its not.. its too late.. sometimes i feel like i'm a fool.. but i no longer know how to treat this "foolishness".. i'm too used to concealin... i'm too use to show the "fun" side.. this time i'm tired... real tired... i always believe some1 will be there.. i used to hve.. but freedom is the onli i can gif to her.. now.. i'm on my own.. its ok.. i believe just a few days more and mayb i will be freed from this dead end.. or at least i hope it will..

Truth

2007-11-19T12:18:00.000+08:00

TRUTH can be surprising, predictive, sad or happy. The truth often has a impact. One such that often change one perspective about life. Humans are emotional and subjective. Truth that only brings happiness are welcomed. Truth that brins nothin more den tears and hurt are wished never to be told. Wats even more sad is when such truth is not delivered to u but discovered. Truth that was nv intended to let you noe. Kept in the dark, self pondering. Even so, there are truth that i nv wan to noe. Be it a lie or kept a secret, i just wanna be a fool. I'm just a human. I was slow to be truthful.. onli when the truth is realised, i knew wat it was. I nv wanna noe nor did i asked for it. The truth that hurts. Thousands knife stabbin thru.. a heart wounded so deep that blood runs dry. Tears will nv fall.. not for anyone anymore.. i once promised. But..mayb for once.. just mayb once.. i can be myself again........ nothin to hide.. no feelins to escape.. no emotion held back... just myself.. *tired*

"I’m tired of hiding behind these lying eyes. I’m tired of this smile that I don’t even recognize"

EXAM!!

2007-08-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

omg.. so long nv had an entry.. got soooo much to say abt... i try to summarise everythin...

Been real busy revisin my sch works cos sem exam is comin~! its like about a week away.. and there is still quite a alot to study.. i finish quite alot of past yr papers and i realise that it isn't as easy and straight forward as i tot it would be... all i can say.. i'm onli half prepared... need to work harder...

Last thurs was singapore's bday~!! woOooOo~~~ HAPPY BDAY SINGAPORE~~!! it was also the 1st day rush hr 3 was screening.. went to watch with my classmates... like the previous rush hours... this one was just as gd!! However.. this time was much much more funnier.. but.. the sad thin is the actions got lesser.. oh man.. but still i really enjoyed the movie alot.. especially.. i was emo'ing b4 the show.. anyway.. after the show.. went to watch NDP's fireworks.. finally got to city hall mrt station at abt 5 ++ and man.. it was a bad choice.. haha... LOTS of ppl were there.. it happens that the ticket holders were movin through tt area.. kaoz.. city link got flooded until the police had to block it off for a while until the crowd inside diminish... anyway.. took the long path and to marina square somewhere behind the seats at about 6+.. although couldn't c the performances but could view the copters.. and planes flyin by... best thin is.. alot of people were there also.. so the atmosphere was v gd.. finally e fireworks came.. and i manage to video the whole thin.. yup.. the WHOLE thin.. the gd thin abt the spot is that both the fireworks at the stadium and the on the 3 buildins could be viewed.. so i managed to take both sides... hahaha... well done i must say.. LOL...

Anyway.. gtg back muggin.. screw exams man~~!!! ciao~

Crazy day~ WOoAh~

2007-08-04T17:46:00.000+08:00

IAC and communication toolkit module is over so ytd was like NO SCH~ wahahahahha.. got up like super early.. hmm... abt 4 am? =P yea.. had to go over to fren's pub at 5am for a farewell party sort.. haha..

den after tt met xiu, nil, zak and tingx with a hair cut tt is super short.. haha... had lunch at orchard den made a trip over to great world to watch "The Simpsons".... and my thoughts abt the show?? hmmm.... all i can say.. its quite similar to tv.. hilarous as usual.. but its like an extended version. However~~~~~ the whole show was filled with laughter.. its really funnie.. so.. recommend to watch it... not too bad.. while i was like in the middle of the show.. xinyi sms me for KTV at nite.. at 1st i tot it shld be ok.. but they wanted to meet like 11pm.. so i was like..snore~~~ haha... anyway i tot they might wan to meet some other day.. after a while chewlian sms me for the same thin.. haha.. she like really enthu abt it.. so i promised her i'll be there.. btw.. the meetin time is still 11pm.. kaoz.. bo bian.

after the movie.. we went to do a little shoppin.. saw many nice clothes that i wan.. but NO MONEY... quite ex also.. anyway.. xiu bought a pair of pants and changed into it (she didn't feel comfortable in her skirt..lol) while we were at HMV( we went back to orchard).. nil had to leave early.. so left the 4 of us.. while walkin ard.. decided to take neoprints(oh.. brother... no choice..haha) but we had fun there.. spend super long at the neoprint design part.. haha.. by tt time was abt 7 ++ .. tingx went home for dinner.. while me xiu and zak went for dinner at cine.. after tt shirin went to pick her up and soooo all tt was left was me and zak.. haha.. gd thin he didn't do anythin funnie... haha... kiddin... peace~! went to walk ard and played at the arcade.. after tt i walk him to somerset mrt... and went to find xinyi and chewlian.. at cine AGAIN..

the bookin for the ktv was 11pm.. so we started to walk ard AGAIN... lol.. the whole ktv session was a mess man... chewlian was so high like as if she was drunk... but she onli had honey lemon drink.. den after tt.. shuzhen also went high.. surprisingly i wasn't as tired as i tot.. considering i've been outside for almost 24 hrs.. haha.. whole thin ended abt 3am... den took a cab home... got knock out rite after tt... really enjoyed my day.. but its crazy man~~~ to be outside for almost 1 full day.. lucky my parents didn't say anythin.. =P ciao~

"Whoever is happy will make others happy too. He who has courage and faith will never perish in misery."

Anger~ lots of it

2007-07-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

I feel mad... angry.... at someone?? i dunno... i seriously dunno... all i noe is... some words.. some reply.. can really make ppl feel mad. But may be.. i'm more of sad den it is.. i'm sad at it.. and angry at myself but not being able to do anythin abt it. I dun understand myself anymore. Any situation i can handle with no probs. but right now.. i feel so helpless.. feel so restless. Dun bother askin me was goin on cos i hve no clue abt it. Dun ask me to open up when the opposite world is closed. sad.. angry.. disappoinment.. happiness.. anticipation.. all of these.. is just another vicious cycle...

Restless...................................................................

endless tests

2007-07-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

woot.. finally finish my last project presentation for this semester.. onli left with the report to hand in. Oh man.. just when i tot i can take a rest.. tml i hvin bio test.. and next week i hve more tests as well.. and soon.. it will be end semester exam.. kaoz.. like so rush... even though i'm quite used to this as from JC life .. but it still put quite an amount of stress.. anyway.. i'm struggling.. and i hope that my score can maintain at AD grade.. mayb i put some amount of stress on myself too..

FOCUS~~ chiong ar~~~ HOLIDAY FASTER COME~~

" Negative thoughts are the weak link; a shift in your awareness and thinking positive will change your day."

Once again... i'm sick

2007-07-24T09:28:00.000+08:00

Last sat went to granny's house to stay.. quite alot has changed since the last time i went there.. Now my 2 cousins get their own room at the 2nd floor. ya.. so i joined them and slept for the nite.. after that night i was catching a cold.. more or less shld be due to the excessive air con plus the rain.

Met xiu in the afternoon to study chemistry.. got test on monday.. after tt.. home... haha... it was a disaster.... even till today.. my runnin nose is still there.. been tryin v hard to handle with it.. sun nite was the worse.. my nose is practically like water tap.. the moment i take the tissue off my nose.. "water" start runnin.. sian sia.. my desktop like lots of "wantons".. i needed to prepare one box of tissue to supply my nose..haha.. must also be the changing weather that is affecting me... anyway.. though feelin better now.. just hope that all this goes away.. yea...

sTudY + FuN??

2007-07-18T18:38:00.000+08:00

last sun mornin woke up damn early like 6 am like tt.. so tt i could reach xiu's home at woodlands abt 8am to cycle.. got a this big tummy ache and arrived late at her house.. anyway.. went i got there.. she was also hvin her own "big business" haha.. ya.. so we went cycling to chong pang (yishun there) for breakfast.. on our way back.. along gambas ave or road (DUNNO LA) lol.. around sembawang there i think.. we went to take a look at the so called natural spring. We decided to stay and dip our leg for a while.. the water was like damn hot.. if u try to put ur leg immediately after gettin fresh spring water.. i think it might cook.. anyway.. we played some really 2pid games which tortured us.. haha.. dun wan to go into details.. after some time.. we went back to xiu's house to study Bstats as we got a test on monday.

Suppose to study.. but study a while we played uno stacko.. lol.. won quite a few times.. haha.. den xiu's fren brought chocolate over and played one round with us.. darn.. the chocolated all melted becos he brought it over in his bike.. soo ya.. but xiu and i decided to hve it using spoon. haha..

Wanted to go out for dinner.. and it started to shower heavily.. kaoz... ended up callin KFC over. Had to wait like 1 hr. Just went we started eatin not long.. xiu's dad came back from malaysia with durians~~ woot~~ i wanted to eat la.. but the KFC was fillin and still got sch and tests leh... scared later kanna fever.. the weird thin is her dad had his share in malaysia.. and her mother dun eat them.. xiu herself eat v little.. but it seems that he often brin durian home.. lol.. while her dad went to shower.. we quickly keep all the durian in a box into the fridge.. too bad our plan failed.. hahaa... after dinner.. we went to study abit more.. and i went home.. kaoz.. think i must be real shag.. cos i not onli left my calculator at her house.. even my student ID card also.. anyway.. the day was rather fun.. enjoyed but also studied...

Monday bstats test was ok.. but today's infotech test was a screw up.. section A was alright but B and C cannot make it. B is suppose to b 4 MCQ and hve to explain y we choose that ans.. NB... C is like case study.. kaoz.. hope that i can pass.. haha.. no faith in this test.. next week still got OC quiz.. and BIO quiz.. got lots of thins to do man.. tired..

"If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results."

big fat ass

2007-07-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

just when i tot my stomach torture was all gone.. somethin else happen.. ok.. i had this module know as IAC.. its suppose 2 be about the community and staff.. so we suppose to engage in a project tokin abt one of the social concern.

ok.. my teacher really sux.. she is like everythin also so rigid.. she likes to repeat all her staffs.. worse thin is she always think that she is right. She also likes to complain that my group is v noisy. ok la.. we are noisy la but we always got do our thins lor.

today was the presentation day.. one group had one member not comin.. and another group was like totally not prepared. so she got fed up.. she keep complainin them for a super long time. my group was like totally prepared and we even prepared a 5 min music video clip to show. Btw.. my group are doin on why elderly end up in homes. Although the slides sequences abit blur but overall i would say can c got effort lor. Den she like say.. i'll gif u all a gd "B".. i wasn't statisfied.. not becos of the grade but rather how she let her emotion gets into her judgement. The other group that presentated had like wordy slides.. and they played 17 min long VOICE RECORDED interview and it wasn't even clear.. den she also gif them B. WTH? den she also damn weird.. b4 the projected was ready we were movin around.. like tt she also complain.. she even made all of us sit down on chairs.. like who the hell will notice the rest.. everyone focus is of cos on the speaker mah.. nb.. u think they care. Another thin is she even compared this sort of presentation to workin presentation. Come on la.. its different leh.. the scope of the the content is like 10 million times different lor.. also becos of her our project interview had to delay for more den a week. When the organisation replied to her.. she didn't even tell us.. gd thin we decided to call back the organisation to check. If we had waited.. thins will be bad for us.

The thin tt irritated me the most was her 2pid story. She said durin her uni time.. there was this girl with mental problems.. suddenly asked her for help.. she got to her from and she say this girl's table got alot of empty bottles which suppose to be some pills for her mental problems. My teacher got traumatize that she felt ill durin her exam and she did badly for her paper so she got a 2nd lower class honors. Few yrs later when my teacher met this realise she had a better career path then her.. and her reason is becos she hve 2nd class upper honors.

Sooo.. in class she was sayin tt we shld stay away and stuffs.. like wtf.. here she is teachin abt community work and now she is sayin this kind of thing.. is she advocatin we shouldn't help ppl especially durin exams? how can she blame that girl for her weak mind and will? that girl is undergoin a worser time den she is.. she has been fightin hard.. and to be able to complete her Uni i must say she is really strong and she deserve it. She shld feel good that she helped some1 in need.. wat if that girl succide. She will regret that she didn't offer a helpin hand. This will traumatize her even more.. i cannot take it.. she just spoiled my day. i cannot stand people who say and do this kind of thin. U SUCK!

"To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward."

fight of the life

2007-07-06T18:26:00.000+08:00

ok.. recently was really bad for me.. my stomach flu is like on and off.. besides that.. i had to combat runnin nose thruout the whole of ytd.. it was bad.. real bad.. it onli became better around 6+ pm when i was in the Cell Bio xtra lesson.. the stomach flu was bad enuff already.. and the 2pid runnin nose had to come.. it was a fight of my life man.. somehow or rather i'm makin it.. haha.. but my stomach's condition is still pendin.. i dunno whether a relapse might happen anot.. but i'm prayin it doesn't.. bless me~~

"The better a man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try."

SICK!!

2007-06-30T11:16:00.000+08:00

YTD WAS THE WORSE DAY OF MY LIFE~~ after sch ended at 3pm.. we went to west coast home to hve an interview for our IAC project.. while.. some1 didn't take my advise and decided to go there cos its nearer.. but it was a nursin home and not quite wat we wanted. Reachin there.. they direct back to the tampines one which we shld hve gone there rite in the 1st place. Ya.. so we wasted quite abit of the time.. and went straight to tampines.. we had our interview and took some pictures(video is not allowed). By the we finish it was 645pm already.. while we were takin bus back to e interchange.. my stomach was feelin bloated and i had e vomitin sensation.. i tot i just needed a drink.. got one.. but it got worse.. my stomach had the achin feel.. few stops after tampines i decided to get down and go to the toilet.. although it does help abit.. but the vomittin sensation was still there.. i held on.. and took the train back. I tried to sleep to ignore the uncomfortable feelin .. but i couldn't really fall asleep due to the feelin i had. When i tried to keep myself awake at commonwealth.. my eyelids keep fallin.. and i was abit dizzy.. FINALLY~ i got back to boon lay interchange.. when i got up from my seat.. i was totally feelin weak.. i walked home as usual~ 1/2 way thru my journey.. i vomited.. i couldn't tahan anymore.. considerin i tahan for more den an hr.. i quickly walk home since i was feelin slightly better...

I got home.. quickly changed and slept.. took 1 pill of panadol. OK.. here comes the worse night i had. Startin from 10.30 pm onwards.. every hr i wld wake up. When i woke up... i would hve to go to the toilet and my lips were super dry~ damn the weather.. i was feelin v hot.. but i didn't sweat.. it was clear to me that i was hvin fever.. ard 1pm.. the 4th time i woke up.. i went to the toilet to puke.. and i took another 2 more pills of panadol.. omg.. it was torturin.. every hour i woke up and this continue till nearly 6 am.. and from there.. i had a longer sleep..

Right now.. all i can say is i'm still feelin weak.. and i hve to breathe harder den b4.. but at least my body temp is normal again.. hve to do project liao.. mon still gt presentation.

D|rty FuN

2007-06-26T19:25:00.001+08:00

Today we had our afternoon classes cancelled as we were havin tele match (sort of like interclass competition). At 1st we were rather worried becos we were havin chem prac from 11am - 2 pm.. kaoz.. and the event starts at 2pm.. like wth.. anyway.. gd thin we ended the prac abt 1/2 hr early.. so we had time to eat. Lucky the games involved no need to run.. haha.. otherwise all of us will puke.. there were total of 5 games.. each of the games were quite ok.. until.. we started gettin wet.. e worse one was the final station we had.. we were suppose to make DNA structure usin sweets and stuff.. wah kao.. dunno each idiot plan to put the sweets in a box of flour.. ended up hve to blow and get them.. by the end.. val and my face was white lor... the station master keep sayin cannot use hand.. but the rest of the team keep doin that lor.. the whole thin abit chaotic sia.. like rules also not v clear.. but ok la.. enjoyed myself...

Ytd i got back my biostats CA results.. and i was rather relieved.. i gt 89~ weee~~ lucky lucky.. but the sad thin was.. today's chem prac results wasn't v gd for me.. even though i passed.. anyway.. val did quite well.. plus he passed his biostats.. congrats bro~ hope that u do well for the other 2... hope the class can do well~

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more wisely."

~NuH VoLuNteEr~

2007-06-24T14:20:00.000+08:00

Woot~ ytd woke up v early to go to NUH volunteer briefing.. i was suppose to be 10 min early but i ended 10 min late. HaHa.. y?? while.. i decided to take another bus gettin off at the kent ridge wing(its the other buildin of NUH) but i ended up gettin lost! lol.. the hospital isn't big but it has alot of turns.. makin it like a super maze~ anyway.. by the time i find my way ard.. i was relieve that the event hasn't started. So ya.. i sat down and waited.

After a few min, they organisers came in.. they started off playin this human bingo. Every1 has a piece of paper.. with 4 x 5 boxes.. each has a event written on it. For eg, Stay in Jurong west. So we had to go ard askin ppl questions.. and each box suppose to fill up 2 names. It was sort of like a ice breaker game. V unfortunate that one of the boxes was "born in june"... i was like one of e v few who gt june.. it was suppose to be "born in march".. kaoz.. went askin ard and NONE was born in june.. how unlucky. After time is up, we gt back to our seats.. and the organisors started calling names.. so we suppose to strike off the names in our paper like how bingo is like. When the game is over.. the real briefin starts. Basically, the briefin tells us what kind of paitent we can expect to c and wat are the area of works we can op to do. At the end we are suppose to enroll preferred time slots and work of area. But~ i realise that many of it is v limited.. had a rather hard time choosin my time slot.

Anyway.. after the session ended.. went to xiu's house to fix her router. Initially, her lappy was workin.. den when i tried her bro's one.. prob come again.. kaoz.. after tryin and tryin.. finally it was workin.. woot~ lucky lucky.. been a while since i play with this kind of thins.. haha.. okok.. after that i had to go back and do my stuff.. drop by Jurong Point on the way.. and there was this "9 princess" competition.. basically they have short performaces by little girls ard +/- 5 yrs old.. it was suppose to be a competition.. but i wasn't sure wat they were goin for. Anyway.. LOTS of ppl was there watchin.. woot~ sian.. later hve to go for weddin dinner.. quite lazy to move.. haha...

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

AnOthEr BdAy~~~

2007-06-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

okok... today is 19th june.. xiu's egg day~~ so we planned to have class outin today and celebrate xiu's bday at the same time... we decided to go sentosa and so~~ anil and i started plannin the thins.. while anil made a msg to every1 includin mr mak.. i was busy preparin her present..hahah.. evil~~ after informin we started plannin out the food, drinks and activities.

We got there v early.. like 9++ am and the beach was like almost empty. The sad thin was not many turn up. Thanks anil.. for not replyin to 2 of my same msg.. ended up we got no balls to play with. Anyway.. some of the activities like dog and bone and wacko we still continued with it. Wah if got more ppl.. comfirm v fun. Wasted YY nv brin xtra clothes.. otherwise he could hve join us in the water. Mr Mak ALSO~~! Nv brin xtra.. otherwise comfirm throw him into the water.. Wah kao.. the worse game i played was "Ghost Card".. Who eva picked the joker card lose~ worse game for me cos.. out of 6 games.. ALL 6 i kanna!!! WTF~ lol.. i gotta do 6 dares straight.. kaoz... haha.. but ok lah.. that was the fun thin..

We stayed till about 3 den we played LUGE b4 we go off to makan.. poor xiu.. 4get to brin belt.. haha..had to go get belt with her.. me and ht like wanted to share the belt since its her bday.. and she was like sooo ps.. dun wan to accept the money.. but UR BDAY LEH!! Just hold on to the freakin money lah~ Ur habit is ur bday u treat ppl... but ours is opposite.. so just accept the freakin money~!! LOL~

WahaHahA~ i look like some lobster now.. RED~~~ haha gd thin that now my skin doesn't peel off anymore.. must be i kanna burn too often in the past.. all it happen is.. my skin turn red and after a few days it will go tan.. my sis can nv find the chance to peel my skin anymore~ yea~~ lol
Anyway.. photos are at my yahoo photo gallery.. the link is at the side bar.. most of it is taken after shower.. cos the activities one are not with me.. HT faster send me the rest~~~ LOL~ the little boy was SOOOO CUTE! Those who wans zak's confession video sms me~ WAHAHA~

OH YA!!! CLEMENT'S BDAY PHOTOS ARE THERE TOO~~!! If any1 wans the bday song video.. can sms me.. hahaha..

Edit~
ALL PHOTOS ARE UP!!

"I like things that are fun, and I look to do them a lot, and that I have the opportunities to do them makes me a lucky guy."

HApPy BeLaTeD BdaY~

2007-06-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BDAY CLEMENT~~ haha.. okok~ i was not slow to noe it was his bday 2 days ago~ i was just slow in blog entry.

Anyway.. wed we celebrated clement's bday.. we treated him to the usual steamboat we often had at bugis. As usual.. zhen was late.. looks like her "late" is gettin worse by the day.. opps.. hahaha.. anyway, beside me and zhen, xinyi, sumat, zewei and clement's gf was there also. Lek came when she had free time from her work and she went back after a while. kaoz.. the spicy side of the steamboat was really v spicy~ and to think that we ordered medium. Imagine if it was the extreme spicy case.. wooah~~ think my stomach will burn.. haha.. i got clement a mug.. kinda not v power.. hahaha.. but no choice.. hey at least i went ard lookin for a present.. =P

Been a little busy, so i will post the pics up later~ ya~

"Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth... Tame the dragon and the gift is yours."

ChAO~ ReCruiT~~~

2007-06-11T19:51:00.000+08:00

WahahahHAHAhahHAhHAHAh~~~ i shaved off my hair to almost nothin~!!! Looks as if like i'm a bloody recruit again~ WAhAHha.. Omg i'm mad!! Have to live with this hair for a long long time~ HahA~ at least now i dun hve to worry abt weather.. LOL~

Anyway~ ytd went to play monopoly and like went around singapore countless times.. haha.. the station included mainly from jurong east to raffles place den back to JE.. so that is one round of the Game.. the "GO" is Jurong east.. At 1st i tot the game will b similar to board game.. mainly concentrate on properties.. but it ended up more like a stock market game. The organisers added in stocks in the game.. and basically all u need to do is wait for the stock price fall to 20 cents and buy ALOT den sell when its above $1. U dun even need to care abt the properties. By the end of game.. we onli had 2 properties but we hve over 200k of cash( started with 20k) ya.. so the main winner like had millions of dollar.. NOT BECOS OF PROPERTIES but becos of the stocks.. like wth.. but overall its damn fun but tirin.. keep runnin and runnin..

After that we(zak, xiu, anil & i) went to watch shrek 3.. it was damn funny.. its a must watch movie.. v entertainin.. huiting had to go off sooo ya.. she didn't watch it with us.. after tt we went to play pool~ taught anil how to play.. and he got abit addicted to it.. hahaha..

Yea~ thats the new me!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"He who conquers himself has won a greater victory than he who conquers a city."

EXAM OVER!! WEeE

2007-06-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

WoOah~~~ finally exam is over.. even though i onli had 3 papers.. it was still as nerve rackin as all the others b4.. haha.. ok ok .. i'm abit over here.. Anyway.... i did i'm goin to do quite well for all 3.. but i was a little disappointed with my cell bio.. i gt mixed up with one of the definition and there goes 5 marks~ some ppl say "onli 5 marks~" but hey.. its a grade difference.. unlike many others who are in sch.. i'm have a aim.. one that i cannot fail.. even its one mark.. it means alot to me.

ANYWAY~~~ exam over~ weee~ finally the 2 weeks break is here.. but damn.. theres alot of work to do. 3 projects to prepare durin this 2 weeks.. sian sia.. its ok.. i'm goin to enjoy over the weekend 1st b4 i start workin.. haha.. sat meetin up for BBQ... and Sun for MONOPOLY~ woot~ not the small board game.. its a life size monopoly we are goin to play.... it shld be fun.. cos it does sound v fun.. haha.. if its not.. i'm goin to ham tam the organisers.. haha..

"Failure is not my Destiny."

Run RUn~

2007-06-01T20:53:00.000+08:00

Hoho~~ as usual.. today Com tool kit is still v fun~ poor "teddy" gt suspected by IAC teacher for playin game in class.. haha.. i noe u r innocent.. but too bad she dun believe u..

Today mr mak really came at 6pm for the run. Although there wasn't really alot of ppl there to root for him.. but ya.. at least there was a handful.. haha. Initially alot of us was there to be "cyclops" but end up many went to join him despite some were in jeans and some were in slippers. Yea.. for me? i joined in the start of 3rd round.. and surprisingly.. it was quite fast and i wasn't really feeling tired. One good reason is definitely the weather. Good thin it rained b4 hand so... there wasn't any sun and it was cooling. Another reason is the guys were runnin together and we chat along the way.. so the time past v quickly.. haha. Really gt distracted from all the chattin. Unlike the times i ran alone at the stadium behind my house, this time was really comfortable. Everytime i go for a run.. i gt bored and tired easily.. every round looked the same plus i had done skippin b4 hand.. so i was 1/2 drained.

Anyway... really enjoyed my day.. but really hve to continue my studies.. CA is just next week.. gotta grab the remainin time.

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily."

Around the Corner

2007-05-30T21:24:00.000+08:00

Woot~ haven been bloggin for quite awhile. Darn.. so many thins to rush for. Project presentation and tests hve took up quite alot of my time. Worse of all, i'm goin to hve my CA real soon.. its like just next week. Sian sia.. hahaha.. but i was quite delighted at the fact that my tests and project so far are quite nicely done.. haha..

Last sat was v a v shag day... y?? i went ard 1/2 of sg to get a garfield soft toy cos i lost a bet. BUT! i was glad to lose it. haha.. it was a gd bet. If xiu who didn't had bio background could pass the test... i wld buy garfield soft toy. Good thin xiu not only pass but did quite well. Well done gal! Anil also.. nice work! I also hve to thank weili.. he like ran ard SG with me.. haha.. he felt cheated.. cos he didn't noe that i really meant goin ard SG. He tot we were go goin a few selected places and slowly find. Thanks bro~ the day was really long.. but still enjoyed it. The sad thin though.. was that.. the garfield i bought xiu already has it.. *&^%$#%$#^%$^%.. now i hve to go round again to find either garfield or donald duck. Why choose those so hard to find one!? kaoz~ but i comfirm will get somethin.. so wait ar..

Recently i'm really v careless... i keep mixing up my biostats calculation.. qns that i didn't get the correct ans was actually due to my carelessness.. den i 4gt to keep my notebook adapter after lendin xiu... luckily mr mak went to get it for me while i was hvin lesson and he kept it for me.. gotta thanks mr mak again.. went all the way to 7th floor to get my adapter.. haha.. i will be rootin for you in the run~ =P

"Other people and things can stop you temporarily. You're the only one who can do it permanently."

HUNGARY~!!!

2007-05-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

HUNGARY~!!! Woke up early and started off doing my tutorials and project presentation. I wanted to finish all these b4 i go into revision for my OC test this coming monday. By the time i finish every thin... excluding revision.. it was like 3.45 pm already. My stomach began to call to me~ "FEED ME~~!! FEEEEEEED ME~~~!!!!!!!" haha.. By that time.. i have finished up my tutorials.. done my presentation.. and even summaries for some of my modules. Woot~~ quite productive ain't i.. hahaha.. yea man.. compared to ytd which i didn't do anythin at all.. today was much better even though i gt distracted every now and den. hahaha..

Gotta thank Mr Mak my cell bio lecturer.. he is like a BIG help for my project. He picks up call v quickly.. replies ur mail as soon as he sees it. He even like check his mail alot of times in a day cause i mailed him at different times about different thins and he replied them all. He will always try to explain as much as possible until u can get it. Wonderful person... i respect u!!

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance."

Madness~~

2007-05-19T01:18:00.000+08:00

Ok.. its 1.39am in the morning and i'm still feelin rather high.. i dunno wats wrong with me.. i'm not sleepy neither am i am feeling tired. NO~~ i didn't drink coffee or alcohol.. i'm just feeling that way. Looks like i'm goin to sleep at a much much "earlier time" haha..

today wasn't v productive.. didn't revise for quiz.. neither did i do my homework.. i was spendin my night playin crazy taxi.. hahaha... well at least today there was a progress for my cell bio project. We are more or less near the final stage. Even though i v much wanted it to b more professional or creative.. time isn't giving in. darn.. if i had planned it out more throughly.. mayb it might hve been better. Gd thin today yong and i found out there was a part of the info we didn't much really understand.. after thinkin thru like for nearly and hour.. we decided to contact our lecturer.. heng ar~~ lucky for him if not we dunno how to explain that essential part of the project. Gotta thank xiu for waitin for us after her lesson.. its like she could hve just gone back.. but she stayed. Initially i was suppose to b alone so she wanted to study together b4 i make my move to meet sec sch friends for dinner. Ended up i was doin project.. but she didn't mind wastin some of her time.. haha... Thanks gal..

Good thin we spend quite a bit of time on the project.. its becos of this.. i was goin to b super late for my dinner. Lucky I WAS!! zhen called to tell me they cancelled the dinner.. and i just on the start of the journey to the meetin place. Heng ar~~ but quite sad also.. tot finally can meet the gang...

Personality test: Life as an ENFJ
(Extravert, Intuitive, Feeler, Judger)

People of this type tend to be: friendly, outgoing, and enthusiastic; affectionate articulate, and tactful; highly empathetic but easily hurt; creative and original; decisive and passionately opinionated, productive, organized, and responsible.

The most important thing to ENFJs is their relationships, and the opportunity to communicate and connect with others.

i find the part abt empathetic rather true.. highly empathetic but easily hurt<<-- this means I'm fragile SO.. handle me with care.. LOL~ kiddin lah.. the easily hurt part i think is abit exaggerated.

"Do right. Do your best. Treat others as you want to be treated."

My Friend

2007-05-15T17:48:00.000+08:00

You gave me words of kindness

tied with a ribbon of gold,

hearing them was important

to heal my heart and soul.

Your gift of words made a difference

when I was down and blue,

questioning why I bother,

doing what I do.

Life can be a challenges

sometimes it seems unfair,

but when I was tired and struggling

it helped that you were there.

What can I give you in return

your friendship is so dear,

please know if you ever need me

I will always be here.

Kind words and time are needed

by people everywhere,

when wrapped with a smile or a hug

they're a gift that says I CARE!

Shag, Shag and Shag

2007-05-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

Extremely tired man....I slept thruout the bus ride back home.. i dunno y.. mayb i can longer keep up with all those late nites anymore.. these 2 weeks we will hve mini quiz and next next week prac will hve presentation reports and Cell bio project presentation. After tt week.. Common test.. darn.. seems like time is not on my side man.. gotta fight on~!!

Last sat Spiderman 3 was v nice.. although alot of ppl find the beginnin very borin and is a waste of time.. i find it quite interesting. Actions were gd. There were parts that made ppl laff.. and there were moments that actually shocked us all. B4 the movie, i met with WL to go shoppin with him.. he had to get some new clothes.. ended up walkin for hours.. and i was like damn beat. I wonder where he gets his energy from man. The rest of the guys were like tired of walkin already and he just continues to shop. @_@ power~

Initially i wanted to meet up my frens at holland after the movie.. but after thinkin awhile.. it wld b best to go back home.. Sun mornin gotta wake up early to study with Ah Xiu ar~ ya lor.. i scared i cannot wake up so have to go home sleep. Spent the whole of sun doin biostats and powerpoint presentation draft. Also felt like we ate alot of thins since lunch. Haha... Abt 4.30 pm.. went to meet rubbish "bin".. haha.. think she will kill me after she sees this. Finally gt the bio textbook from her.. saviour~!! lol.. Wasted the CD is not in there otherwise i could hve use some of the animations for my cell bio presentation.. damn...

Its ok~ at least i rather excited to go to my granny's house for the chilli crabs~!! woot~~ no wonder i felt like i have been eatin the whole day.. haha... must be becos i took my time to enjoy the crabs.. opps...

"The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or ever touched, they must be felt with the heart. We should do everything within reason to save a good relationship. But if we are constantly trying to save it, it's probably not a good relationship."

SnoRez

2007-05-12T09:09:00.000+08:00

Omg omg~ been soooo freakin long since i gt out of bloody army.. yet my body clock is still soooo screwed~!! i'm still like waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. Worse thin is no matter how late i sleep.. i will wake up at 8 am! Like wth?? snore~~~ since i got up this early.. decided to go for a run. Over the past 1 week i've been tryin to gain back my physical status like it was in the army.. and man~ its not easy... although been doin alot of extreme exercise.. but its goin to take awhile. I need some movitation~!!!

Ytd nite i finally remember to catch "Supernatural'... thanks to xiuxiu~ lucky you reminded me of TV...if not our dear mr parrot goin say thins again... hahaha.. darn... i was disappointed with the series man... i tot its goint o b some horror show and it all ended up like some action ghost buster crap. Thins get worse when the endin for ytd's epi sux! its was sooo freakin lame and vague.

Yea~ goin to catch "Spiderman 3" later with my bunch of gay frens.. LOL.. kiddin.. army frens.. ah~ still remember spiderman was my childhood hero.. love his way of fightin for justice. Luv this phrase "With great power comes great responsibility".. woot~~ mayb some day i can b like him............................... not~~~ ordinary is still the best~

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

Feeling down any1? Just remember the quote above and remember you will always b my world.. especially to my krayon MeImEi~ Know i haven been a really gd brother.. but u must know u r always my world... peace~

~Choice~

2007-05-11T19:50:00.000+08:00

Its been 4 weeks since sch started... in these 4 weeks.. i hve totally forgotten abt my application for NIE. Thinking abt it really makes me wonder.. "what if NIE nominated me?" I really dunno. I nv tot that i would b bothered by this. I tot when the time comes.. i would hve a definite ans. But right now.. i can't make my choice. Sometimes i even think that since its already May.. the chances are not high.. so i shldn't waste my time thinkin about this. BUT~ what if it really happens? Will i b able to make a choice?

"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. - Bob Newhart"

Hmm.. i think when the time comes.. i will laff?? Haha~ i dunno lah.. 4get it man.. just work hard now.. and the time comes.. i will noe what i wan... At least what i'm doin rite now is also wat i wanted to do. CHEERs~~

Home Sweet Home

2007-05-10T23:19:00.000+08:00

After a freaking long time.. i decided its time to be "home". Stop asking me y i stop this thin.. its simple.. all because army life was like hell boring and monotonous. I dun wan to be typin the same stuffs over and over and over again when i can just simply press "ctrl + c". Its pointless to say repeatative life everytime. Of cos there has to be some interesting thins happening but life was too shag for me at that moment. Now that i out of that HELL, i figured it would be good for me to continue.

After Ord, i decided to go poly to pursue my interest despite alot of objection. I just simply can't do other courses that don't interest me abit. Since JC, there has only been 2 thins i wan to do.. either to teach or go into medical field(any area). I wan to do my v best in helpin ppl. I dun wan to look back and regret wat i have done. I feel that i have wasted a lot of my life and its time for me to achieve somethin great. No returns are required. Just let me enjoy wat i wan to do will do.

Poly life is really v different from JC's. Competition is low... environment isn't really good for studying in the senses that u dun get to c alot of ppl studyin. In addition, the library itself is more of like a place to relax and enjoy. It turns out to be a place where studyin in it is not v possible. You work a little harder and ppl will start sayin.. "Wah.. so hardworkin" but shldn't it be that way. I'm not sayin that we shldn't enjoy but the enjoyment is like way too much. To really excel in poly.. self discipline is needed. Its exactly like wat my cousin said.. self control is most impt. The moment u lose urself.. u lose the game. Life is a game... choose to win. Though i dun like it.. but it is rather true. However, i often wonder myself.. wat it really means to win. All i can say is.. winning to me.. is not being rich and not being famous. It is to bring hope to others and seeing ppl fulfillin their goals. Y i held on to my dreams and moved on? Cos i chose to win. =D

~weird~

2006-07-23T21:39:00.000+08:00

Wooah~~ finally PV for "KEY OF HEART" is out. Quite cool but i think i will like the single's 2nd song "DOTCH" more. Hopefully there will be a pv for it too~!!

Anyway... recently in camp there are some frictions btw shift ppl. It isn't really v serious but it will affect some ppl. Actually it doesn't involve many ppl. In my opinion, onli 2 ppl are involved. Wat actually happened was one of the guys complained abt the other shift and "poof", there was some disagreement. He brought out mistakes of the other shift to our overall in charge and in a way or another offended the IC of the other shift. I can understand y my fren decided to bring this matter to the overall IC. Its like there are repeated and accumulated offenses. More importantly some of the instruction passed down wasn't fulfil. Ok.. in case my fren, u r lookin at this entry, i'm not sayin that what u did was wrong. Wat i feel is that mayb u shld tok to WL abt it 1st b4 brin this up. In addition, i didn't believe our OIC was much of a help. The probs are more of communication. And i'm quite surprise my fren said somethin so personal. "Nv do anythin" <<-- i'm not sure he was referrin to that particular day onli or for most of the time. Either way i dun agree with it. Its like when we guardoff we couldn't tell wat was goin on in camp. Wat my fren were doin i find it like a assumption but i can understand y he would make that assumption. In a way, they are more "relaX" den we do. If u read this entry.. i really hope that next time when u decide to do somethin like tt.. pls like discuss with us(the whole shift). We totally had no idea u were intendin to brin the matter to OIC. And i hope u would try to communicate with WL 1st. He isn't really hard to tok to. After some of the Fark up ppl ORD, i tot we would hve some peace.. and i would really luv to keep tension down until we ORD together. PEACE!

Somethin real strange happened. My god sis's blog gt hack by her fren. He manage to get my mei's pw and log in onli to change the pw and email. Other den that he didn't do anythin. He nv change anythin. It is like so freakin weird. And i heard frm my mei he would do v weird thins too. Anyway, my mei was like explodin.. she didn't even care abt the words she uses anymore. Ya.. i noe how it feels to lose a blog. All the effort to make it nice and the long term maintainin has gone to worse. Worse thin it wasn't that she didn't wanted to blog anymore but its someone's childish behaviour resultin the lost. Poor mei.. must b damn mad and sad. The onli explaination i can think of is that this fren of hers must be mentally unstable. Either he is seakin attention or he has fetish for doin weird thins. WEIRD~~~~~

Back on Track

2006-07-02T17:43:00.000+08:00

After tryin over and over again.. i could finally get back into bloggin. Didn't noe y i couldn't log into blogspot either. But since its all over.. i guess its alright.

Lots hve happen over this period of time. I think one of the biggest change i've met is the relationship btw the guys in the camp. Remember the time i gt frasturated with 1 of the guys for lyin to me even when i hve decided to help him so that he could go for his holiday. That guy now is constantly at war with of the new guys. And of cos.. none of us is willin to help him anymore. He often complain that he couldn't clicked with his shift... he isn't respected. But seriously i would like to ask him... has he eva tot abt y no one bothers abt him? y no one respect him? y is he begin outcast? i seriously hve no idea y he nv bother to make thins better once. Even till now.. he constantly complain abt alot of thins.. thins that are actually v minor.

Enuff of that *toot*.. i've been spendin lots of time away form camp for the past few days.. y?? haha.. cos i was clearin some of the leaves i had.. i had to cos in july till august... there will a shortage of manpower. I finally get to meet my god sis.. we went for dinner den movie.. after that i sent her hm. She was like laffin to her heart content thruout the show. i was glad that she could... i mean its been a long time since we met.. and i'm glad that she actually could feel comfortable with me ard.

Recently i just finish watchin a drama called 天外飞仙 aka A Little Fairy. Its abt a love begin a fairy and a mortal. Their love for each other touched heaven and was granted 100 days husband and wife. After which the fairy had to returned to heaven. The fairy was the youngest daughter, Xiao Qi, of the heaven king rankin 7th. Becos she was way too hard to control.. King decided to send her to mortal world to learn e luv in mortal world hopefully she will turn gd. She was sent to a family surname DONG. Dong's onli son Dong Yong was a kind, honest and gd guy. Under his influence the fairy turn gd. She knew how to care and concern for others and help ppl who are in need. But she also fell in fell with Yong and thus broken the heaven laws. She was forcefully brought back to heaven and punished. When Yong abt her real identity.. he walk endlessly 99 days to reach the heaven to save his love one. With the help frm his frens and the fairy's 6 other sister.. Yong manage to reach heaven and he confront Xiao Qi's father and manage to persuade him to allow their luv. Thus they married and onli had 100 days of married life. Though it may seem cruel to the couple.. but after all one had endless life will the other will eventually die some day. Xiao Qi's father gave the limit was out of no choice. He didn't wan his daughter to end up in endless sorrow. However, Xiao Qi gt pregant durin the 100 days but she still had to fulfil the 100 days promised. She gave birth in heaven and the child was send to mortal world to let Yong brin up e child. Yong nv gave up the love btw him and Xiao Qi. He everyday lit the lamps on the street believin someday Xiao Qi would return. Slowly it became a habit until one day he wasn't able to lit the lamps anymore.

The drama is full of love and commedy. I really enjoyed it alot and i highly recommend ppl to watch. After tokin abt the drama its time to say somethin abt my fav. Kekeke.. thats rite.. BoA!!
She will b releasin her 20th Jap single "Key of Heart" on the 09/08/2006. I hve just heard it thru her forum. Its v refreshin and summer like feelin.. guess i'm goin to like the song. Hmm.. since when i nv like her song.. hahaha.. anyway.. can't wait till A-nation 06 and her next concert!

~busy busy busy~

2006-04-20T18:00:00.000+08:00

woot~! its been a while since i had another entry... been rather busy and tired for the past 10 days... lots hve happened within these 10 days. Its seems that life is really gettin tougher den b4. Gd thins that we hve the new guys in now... the load is really lighten.

Anyway.. few days after my shift served our xtras.. my fren in another shift gt smack with 3 xtras on his face. Y?? He was caught for 2 reasons. one is leanin and showin indecent posture when he was on guard at the gate. The other is for saying "Bye" to one of the female specs in our camp. Like wtf? Apparently our boss said that his posture with his "bye" forms a type of sexual harresment to that female spec. My fren even had to say sry for it(he was forced to do it btw). When our ic when to get the female spec(her name is crystal btw), he asked her whether she was sort of sexually haressed.. and she said NO! she wasn't even really bothered with it. If she didn't mind abt it den y shld our boss b? And 3 xtras for leanin plus this ? isn't it like over?? to many of us.. its like not fair~ it shldn't b that much. Anyway.. we spoke to our RSM abt this and he supported us. Gd thin is my fren now doesn't need to serve his xtras.

Speakin of this.. my other camp mate almost sign xtras too! (bad times i guess) But i think he gt away with it. There was some issue with the ST Aerospace ppl within our camp brin in contraband items without our acknowlegement and he didn't stop them frm doin so.

for the past week.. its like there r lots of activities goin on in the camp.. makin the nite v tough to live thru. There was lots of preparation for a visit in my camp by LOTS of big shot today so we had to prepare alot durin the nite. Worse of all is that i ain't feelin v gd... gt cough and almost had a fever. Hopefully i can just live thru e remainin of the week peacefully...

Xtras~ xtras~ get one today~~

2006-04-10T17:43:00.000+08:00

05/04/06... "haha".. it was suppose to be like that the whole week. y? simple.. BoA released her lastest single on that day.. YEA~!! i was on reserve and i took offs on thurs and fri. Including the weekend which i was not needed to come for duty i was suppose to rest at hm and enjoy for 4 days straight~! WOW.. wat a wonderful week eh?! it was! until my whole shift recieved 2 xtras on that day. y? all i can say is we were quite swey. haiz...

So i spent my weekends in camp. Both sat and sun were gd days. Nice weather.. no much construction goin on in camp.. peaceful... until our sat DO started to start his usual pranks again! i went for joggin in camp and immediately after tt i went with my fren to do fence check.. half way thru we saw DO ridin a bicycle. We talked awhile and was told to return 1st due to darkness. On our way back we saw 2 of our other frens in PT attire coolin down. So 5 of us were returnin to guardroom. All of the sudden.. DO 1/2 way say turnout.. like WTF?! alrite.. so we turnout. He farkin say it was no tekan but to keep our alertness high so he decided to turn out at the most relaxed moment. Like wtf!?(again) Hey.. runnin doesn't make some1 sleepy.. it makes one even more alert especially rite after the run. Its obvious he wans to play ard. After that he decided to turn out again later in the nite and the 2pidest thin is he started to tok cok. He just wans to statisfy his own thirst for enjoyment by doin this. He finds it amusin to c us in hurried state. he totally spoiled the day.

Finally hm at last... xtras over.. now hve to deal with the new people.. borin~~

New comers...

2006-03-31T21:43:00.000+08:00

wooah~~ its 31 of march already and tml is april fools day~!!! well not really in the mood for this anymore.. used to remember how we would always try to trick people durin this day especially when its school day. Ha.. come to think of it.. it was kind of 2pid yet fun. Those were the days...

Finally~ the PV of BoA's lastest single is out on youtube and i decided to up this here!! haha.. its a really enjoyable and fun song and i kind of find it relaxin especially when u listen and watch to pv together.. yea.. recommend to watch. Can b found at the puzzle section too~.

alrite.. into the main topic of the day... been a long long time and finally what my camp mates and i hve been waitin for.. NEW COMERS! its like been a woooooooah time that we suppose to get new people to join us. We missed a spec and man batch... and so yea... we were kind of short handed. Anyway.. when they new people report today.. a bastard.. the one who didnt kept his promise... started to make noise. NO~~ it wasn't dissastifaction.. he was makin noise to "tekan" the new comers.. He wanted them to start duty immediately.. like hey.. who starts to do stand gate the moment they arrived without proper arrangement and plannins for these 4 new comers. Even if it was that way in the past.. BUT time has changed.. not everyone goes thru that anymore.

B4 these 4 people came.. we had a future spec with us now already.. he is preparin to go for ASLC and come back as a spec. Anyway... another bastard.. this time a spec decided to play punk. Actually, in his shift theres been alot of dissatisfaction btw him(bastard) and the rest of the fellow. He started to turn out everyone early 5 am++ . Its not every1 is new and has to undergo all sorts of torture and trainin. Every1 here has at least work together for at least 1/2 yr already! Wat the hell?!!! And he gave a v lame excuse sayin he wans to show the power of turn out to the future spec. The moment i heard this i knew it didn't make sense. This 'future spec' wouldn't even hve the chance to work in shift rite after he comes back frm his course. Furthermore he wld undergo all the turnout and shit durin his course so there wasn't a need to show him at all!! And so finally i found out that the most prob reasonin is that he wans to "disturb"(this is the nice term i'm givin) somebody. He is aimin at some1 and he actually says the way that guy mend durin his duty hrs. WTF?! like he also mends it that way and worse still.. he can disappear durin his supposed mendin hrs! Can u believe this? A true bastard... no matter how gd a friend he can b.. this kind of attitude and behaviour totally turns me off... BOOOO~~~